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Just A Little Taste

So, I’ve hinted at the fact that there was some shit going down that I didn’t blog about, well the truth is, there really is such a thing as a bitter, jealous infertile. I’ve met a few of them in the past couple of weeks, in fact I’ll own up to the fact that I, at times in the past, too was one of those jealous, bitter infertiles.  Now that my blog is private I thought I’d out them but I see I have stupidly deleted some of the truly heart warming and supportive emails I’ve received over the past couple of weeks, but I did manage to find these two gems:

Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not a conflict between fertiles and infertiles or those with children and those without children. It’s the fact that some people with children let their children consume their lives and lose their own personality. There are other things to post about on facebook than things about your daughter no?

You can’t use your infertility as a crutch forever

I’ll also add that I’ve stopped reading your blog as often because how often can a person read about the woes of “being on the other side of the fence” or how your daughter won’t sleep on your schedule. I feel for you and your infertility but it’s boring now plain and simple.

Would love to hear your thoughts on that??? This was in response to the little laugh I was having at myself when I discovered that over the weekend that I’d been “unfriended” by someone on FaceBook. And I was seeing the humour in it and poking fun at myself because I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing in the past. When some bodies pregnancy updates and baby photo’s got too much for me to bare, if they weren’t a close friend, I’d just delete them.

So yes, I too have been guilty of being the jealous, bitter infertile but it was like a bucket of ice water was thrown over my head when I received those two emails.

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24 Comments

  • Reply TJ

    Well, to that email, the truth is that they don’t CONSUME our our lives they just take up all our time and love along with our partners…it’s not called a FAMILY for nothing. And like I said yesterday, our every action and thought involves them. And as for our personality… I honestly have to say that my darling hasn’t made me loose my personality, he’s brought out a lot of it that I lost a long time ago. And added to it. I mean you would never catch me dead jumping around like a monkey in public – but when your baby laughs at you it’s all worth it and you don’t care who sees. Or being the running commentary on everything I do or see – they don’t learn any other way but when we talk to them and love them.

    Oh and not forgetting how many of the little things we see now that we just took for granted or forgot to look at…like a worm on a leaf. A snail on the wall. Etc.

    And surely, if there was something more significant than AVA giggling that happened, then maybe you could post about it on facebook…if not… then so what! (sorry but I don’t know the status of your updates, just using an example)

    I feel that email just sounds horrible, “how often can a person read about the woes of “being on the other side of the fence” or how your daughter won’t sleep on your schedule”

    All you can do is laugh, because they’ll realise one day when they hold their baby what you’re talking about. And that one day they should’ve just not be nasty because they could’ve learnt something. Some tips.

    Yes, we have all been bitter and jealous to some degree before but how dare they attack your infertility, do they not realise that this can be very hurtful because it still remains a fact.

    April 7, 2010 at 11:15 am
  • Reply Sharon

    Thanks! I think you put it perfectly! The only point to an email like that was to be hurtful and cutting. And intially it did hurt but then I realized that this was somebody that was truly living up to the words bitter and twisted. And while I have definitley been guilty of being bitter and jealous in the past, and have not always conducted myself nicely, I have not stooped to that level when I was still on the journey.
    It was hard for me to not to reply to her email, I wanted to send her something really bitchy but then decided against it and simply emailed her back explaining that I felt her emails were nasty and unnecessary and that perhaps she’d gotten out of bed on the wrong side that morning! 🙂
    The shocking part is that I’ve received a numer of these types of emails over the past few weeks from different sources, so there are some individuals out there who think its ok to be so catty.

    April 7, 2010 at 11:29 am
  • Reply trishdg

    I am in utter shock! I cannot believe someone would write those things to another person, especially when you are speaking about your child, it is just beyond cruel. I have seen some really weird and arb stuff written on peoples FB updates and blogs (not children or IF related) yet I have never felt the need to write a nasty comment about it. Sometimes after the millionth update on FB about someone’s cat, I merely block their updates – no need to get personal and vindictive. What the heck goes through these peoples minds???
    Charming – I often wonder if those kinds of people would ever say those things to your face or they save up their nastiness for the internet only???

    April 7, 2010 at 11:39 am
  • Reply irene0211

    Sharon I’m so sorry you have to listen to that crap and I have some choice words for people like that! These are not personal attacks, these are people that so badly want what you have and the words they are spitting out is not necessarily at you. You were right in going private since the constant walking on egg-shells cannot be good for you … I remember that feeling all too well. If I could I too would take away all their pain and give them the happiness you have found but its.just.not.possible.

    You have to, at some point lift the weight of others pain off your shoulders, you have absolutely no reason to apologise for being a family – revel in it, blog about it and savour every single moment (even the smelly poops) – its your right!!

    April 7, 2010 at 11:43 am
  • Reply thebsdiaries

    Shocking Sharon. I can’t believe this world. And don’t worry – I have a 3 year old and every FB status is still about him! That is what we spend all our lives yearning for so to not embrace it is crazy. Ava is bloody sweet, I too would be obsessed 😉

    April 7, 2010 at 12:42 pm
  • Reply kirstymac72

    Shaz – a comment like that comes from total ignorance. Maybe, one day, when she becomes a mother she’ll understand x

    April 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm
  • Reply peanuttam

    I would be pissed off too, because it is a personal attack and I don’t see the need for it. If it grates people so much then why do they keep coming back unless they really wanted to support you?

    Children (I am sure) do become all time consuming and I think the key to all of this is to find the right balance, the right balance for you isn’t always the right balance for someone else and that’s why this is such a personal journey.

    April 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm
  • Reply mrssee2

    Considering that my status’s revolve around when I am having popcorn, I don’t think that I am one to speak 😉 I have a friend whose status is “exersized and energised” daily – drives me crazy. So I really think that it is fine for one to write whatever one feels like.

    That said, for some odd reason I am friends with a very irritating person on FB (must have accepted her when I was thin on the friend side). She writes incessantly about her children and it bothers me. Interestingly, it isn’t the children part but the smugness with which she writes that is irritating.

    Thing is Sharon, at the moment Ava is your world, what else could you possibly put on your status??

    April 7, 2010 at 2:03 pm
  • Reply Yvonne

    Sorry Shaz. I can’t imagine how hurtful that must’ve been 🙁
    For what it’s worth I love reading your updates, you always give me food for thought or leave me with a smile.

    xx

    April 7, 2010 at 2:25 pm
  • Reply niseysmusings

    oops, got a bit carried away with the length – sorry!!

    I can’t get over how people think its ok to be mean. one thing i learnt while ttcing is that everyone has problems – even if they aren’t the same. i had loads of friends who would say its different but its the same – yearning with all your heart for someone to share your life with when you’re single for example is in a lot of ways similar to yearning for a baby.

    i lost my very best friend when we started adoption proceedings with J. We’ve known each other since i was 3 months old. our families are best friends – we all grew up together. She lost her boyfriend when she was pregnant and has a little boy that she raises on her own and while i was childless she must have felt that we had shared grief.

    now that i’m a mom she is nasty to me when we have to see each other for family occasions and she has absolutely no contact with me other than that. it hurts but sometimes you have to believe that these things happen for a reason – i’m now surrounded by the most amazing supportive friends who absolutely adore Jaden and are so so so happy for our family.

    hopefully you too will find that maybe you will have fewer people to invite but more love and support than you could have ever dreamed of.

    April 7, 2010 at 2:25 pm
  • Reply samcy

    Sjoe. That’s quite an email. Glad you have a space where you can talk freely and without worry.

    Will be following along.

    xxx

    April 7, 2010 at 3:15 pm
  • Reply livinglifelarge

    I am sure they will regret what they have said, once the shoe is on the other foot for them! One day their miracle will come in.. I hope they will then have the courage of their convictions and apologise!

    April 7, 2010 at 7:08 pm
  • Reply lea2109

    Oh my goodness, that’s so nasty. I’m so sorry that there must be people like this out there. I’ve had a few contacts / friends like this and the only solution in the end was to cut them off because they were such hard work.

    April 7, 2010 at 7:10 pm
  • Reply gailsnail

    Nasty, nasty! I would love to see what her Facebook updates would be if she had a child! Very similar, I’m sure. You are one person that knows what it is like to be infertile. You have walked that path for many years and deserve to be happy and proud of that beautiful little girl of yours that you have waited for for so long!

    April 8, 2010 at 5:10 am
  • Reply ttcnot2easy

    That’s not nice. Not nice at all. It’s funny how ppl use the Internet to be mean – cowardice, as I’m sure they won’t have the guts to say these things to you upfront – as trishdg says.. And to say that a child ‘consumes’ you? Well obviously! Regardless of whether you’re an IF or not – you are going to be ‘consumed’ by love for this gift of life!
    I was just as guilty though a few years ago – but I am pretty sure that I never, ever lashed out at anyone the way some of these ppl have done to you, Sharon. I only ever lashed out when ppl asked me inappropriate and unwelcome questions.
    I say: WhatEVER.
    xx

    April 8, 2010 at 5:15 am
  • Reply mayflowerladybugs

    One of the problems about life after infertility is that until you actually have that baby you canot imagine the reality of it. I often feel like all I have to talk about are my kids – I really do have other interesting stuff to say, it is just that they are what interest me most at the moment!

    Anyway, chat soon!

    April 8, 2010 at 5:32 am
  • Reply thebinges

    Uh Shaz, you know what my Mom always says… Tikkel Tokkel, ek voel f…all! Water off a ducks back baby, you’ve got your prize, and you deserve to brag about her, allow her to consume you and talk about her whenever you want. End of story!

    XXXX

    April 8, 2010 at 2:39 pm
  • Reply marina1605

    Hectic! Geez, I wonder if my IF/childless friends feel the same about me ’cause all I talk about nowadays is Claudio.

    What I don’t understand about the person/people who sent you those mails is why the hell don’t they just stop reading your blog or facebook updates? I’ve hidden loads of friends on facebook whose updates bore me to tears, like “going to take a nap now” or “eating breakfast”, etc.

    Well done on going private Sharon! Best thing you could’ve done.

    xxx

    April 8, 2010 at 3:54 pm
  • Reply skrambled

    Urgh! Some people don’t really get it!

    April 8, 2010 at 5:23 pm
  • Reply antigone1022

    Its very sad that people don’t keep to themselves any unkind or thoughtless comments. Its unbelievable that any woman, who desperately wants a baby herself cannot grasp another’s joy on becoming a mum and embrace it. Of course I totally understand why news of others joy might make them sad, and ask the question …why not me? I don’t understand why they take out their unhappiness on another woman – and its sadly all too common out there.
    This isn’t personal, and it most certainly isn’t a thing to do with who you are, what you write and how happily you express your new life with Ava because of course you completely know this same thing happens with others not just you. However hard it is not to take it personally, and I would struggle too! its not not about you its about them.

    I think you have deleted the negativity by going private and I for one cannot wait to hear MORE of your life, thoughts, story and journey and encourage you to enjoy sharing because your online friends are here enjoying it with you.

    April 8, 2010 at 8:30 pm
  • Reply mozzie01

    UNBELIEVABLE!!!

    April 8, 2010 at 8:31 pm
  • Reply Mash

    WTF. I have no other words for it than that!

    April 9, 2010 at 9:52 am
  • Reply bratty37

    Only got to see this right now…it is very sad. The person is obviously in a very bad place and does not even realise that their words come out like the poison of a snake.

    My Mom alway taught me to be careful with what I say…cause once something comes out of your mouth, it can never be taken back…..If you cannot say something nice, rather say nothing at all.

    April 19, 2010 at 6:56 am
  • Reply rvdmerwe

    I am sorry to be catching up on this so late. Well done for making the change and going private. I have never understood why people cant just keep quiet if they have nothing nice to say. Reading your comments on facebook and now this new blog gives me hope. Often I feel teary just reading how incredibly happy you and W are. Your story is inspiring!

    April 23, 2010 at 10:53 am
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