This article on Huffington post was referred to me on Twitter last night & it’s fantastic: 5 Things Never To Say To An Adoptive Parent.
We’ve experienced every one of the scenario’s laid out, from questions about Ava’s race, invasive and quite often rude & disrespectful questions about her birth parents and the one that really hurts me the most, comments referring to me as not Ava’s “real” mother.
It’s no secret I’ve been struggling with the wait for our second placement recently and while I know that everyone means well, sometimes it’s really hard to swallow all the best strong messages. Sometimes a simply “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way/having a tough time” is enough without offering platitudes or other messages attached to that statement. I am strong, I’ve been strong for 7 years prior to Ava’s placement I was one of the strongest people I know and during the wait for a sibling, amongst the failed adoption attempts that have come our way during that time, I have been strong too.
Sure, sometimes I falter, sometimes I just want to sit in a corner, lament how unfair the situation is and lick my wounds, but I always get up again, I always force myself to get a grip, square my shoulders and just keep swimming. I won’t be defined by our circumstance and I won’t allow myself to be dragged under by it either.
It is what it is and I am determined to make the most of it and see it through. I’m often asked by my fellow infertiles how they’ll know when it’s time to give up and the same applies to adoption, the answer is simple: NEVER! The only way to ensure success is to NEVER give up and I won’t, I can’t, I will always pick myself up after a disappointment, dust myself off and just keep swimming….