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Lessons In Consequences – they hurt us mom’s too!

Parenting – the best and the worst thing to ever happen to me!

Sounds ironic given what we went through to get to this point right? But, like any parent, regardless of the journey to become a parent, I have good days and bad days, there are elements of parenting that are a complete joy and elements that I despise. But the one element of parenting that I was most unprepared for was how much it would hurt doing the right thing.

Yesterday, I gave Ava a lesson in consequences and while she begged and pleaded and cried great big crocodile tears, visibly heart broken, my pain was all internal, it broke my heart seeing her like that, but I knew I had to stand strong, I knew I had to do the right thing, I knew that giving in to her would mean there would be no lessons in consequences for her. And I love her. Oh God, I love her with every fiber of my being, but sometimes loving someone means that doing the right thing and that could mean that it will hurt you more. Ava is hurting right now, but I have no doubt, I’m hurting more.

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The back story…

As one of her chosen extra-murals, Ava does netball twice a week after school. Earlier this week I received a notice from the school that she had been chosen to represent the U6 team at a netball tournament today. I was so excited and so proud. Her first tournament! And she was besides herself with excitement as she’d be transported to the hosting school in the school bus. Don’t ask me why but travelling in a bus is really exciting and a very big deal when you’re 5!

I signed all the indemnity’s, made the arrangements to get a half days leave, because no way I’m missing my baby’s first sporting tournament at school. We were all super excited.

Yesterday, I arrive to fetch her from aftercare, where she sheepishly tells me she didn’t go to netball practice because she didn’t feel like it! When I asked her how she got out of it, she nonchalantly informs me that she hid her school hat at the bottom of her bag, under her spare change of clothes – the school as a no hat no play policy, and so she was excused from participating in netball.

Well….

I was LIVID!

Last night Walter and I sat her down and explained all the reasons why what she had done yesterday was wrong. How it was dishonest, it was lying, it was unfair to all the other girls who wanted to participate in the tournament, went to practices but never got a space on the team for today, how you have to put in the work for the reward and ultimately how with every choice made in life, there is a consequence.

And Ava’s choice, her decision to get out of practice, in a rather deceitful way meant that the consequences would be that she would not be allowed to play in the tournament today.

I am as disappointed as she is. I was really looking forward to going. My heart is hurting so much seeing her disappointment but both Walter and I feel that if we don’t stick to our guns and follow through with the punishment, she will not learn her lesson, she will not learn the importance of making the right choices and the consequences there of.

Sometimes, just sometimes, this parenting sux! Sometimes I wish I could just be the fun mom and consequences be damned but I can’t I can’t do it because in my heart I know that by not parenting my children properly, I’m ultimately doing them and injustice and I love them too much for that.

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15 Comments

  • Reply Emy Clarke

    Oh how I get this! Jae is 6 now, and learning about consequences is a huge thing, and something we fight about daily. Strongs hun!

    May 7, 2015 at 10:01 am
  • Reply catjuggles

    Oh it sucks, but you did the right thing. In our school if you do not pitch for practice your place in the team is open for someone there to take. So you are doing exactly what they do . Well done. (There will be another first )

    May 7, 2015 at 10:26 am
  • Reply Heather

    Good for you. She is going to remember this consequence and hopefully not do it again. It does hurt but you did the right thing.

    May 7, 2015 at 12:02 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    I back you 100%! I would do the same thing. When Dyl was about 4 he refused to go into a birthday party of the child of a friend of mine (so he didn’t know him that well). I told him if he didn’t go in and participate he couldn’t go to his friend’s party the next day. He sat on the driveway the entire time, had the cheeeeek to ask for a party pack (obviously I nixed that!) so the next day I went solo to his friend’s party to drop off the gift. All the parents were quite shocked and kept telling me to go get him but what would that have taught him? It sticks with me, it was a very tough decision.

    May 7, 2015 at 12:38 pm
  • Reply Louisa

    Well done mamma…that’s a really big life lesson.

    May 7, 2015 at 1:03 pm
  • Reply Cassey Toi

    Parenting is tough, but I’m sure Ava won’t do something like that again.

    I feel like I need to bookmark this for the day K pulls something similar, and we do as you’ve done.

    May 7, 2015 at 3:12 pm
  • Reply May Roundup and Linky | South African Mom Blogs

    […] – am I really making it better for my child if I do this.   Sharon has a heartfelt post: Lessons in Consequences: They hurt us moms too! I knew I had to do the right thing, I knew that giving in to her would mean there would be no […]

    May 31, 2015 at 10:45 pm
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