Little Bird, Today You Are 4!

Posted in Parenting by

Hannah, I wrote this for you today, 22nd February, 2017. You see, when I morphed into a parenting blogger, post infertility, my number one goal was to leave a diary, through this blog, of thoughts, feelings and experiences for you and your sister to read one day. So, this is for you, on your 4th birthday my love.

Little Bird, today you are 4 and I can’t quite believe it. In so many ways, it feels like you have always been apart of me and in other ways, I still can’t quite believe that I have the honour of calling you mine. My sweet, sweet little girl.

Your birthday will always be bitter sweet in some ways. It’s a day of celebrating you, but it also comes with a tinge of sadness. 

Sadness because my heart goes out to your birth mom. I think of her often, but more so at this time of year. Remembering the turmoil that she must have been going through at your time of birth and later at you time of placement. Sadness, because this time, 4 years ago, you entered the world and I didn’t even know that something so significant, so life changing, so incredibly beautiful, was just about to be gifted to me. 

I was always so very against Gotcha Days, until you were placed. But I sort of understand it now. We only found out about you a few weeks after your birth and it would be a long two months before we would hold you and know you and call you our own. So on some levels your homecoming day is even more significant for me. Because for two months after your birth, all I had of you were the hopes and dreams of who you’d be and the occasional photo from your place of safety. 

And it was hard, Little Bird. As much as I loved every one of those photo’s, it was hard to look at them, at a cute little baby, but a stranger none the less and know that we were counting down to when you’d be our daughter. I was afraid and for the longest time, I worried about how I’d bond with you, how I’d love you. I knew I would love you, I knew I did love you, but looking at those photo’s was, in some ways, looking at a photo of a baby, a baby I did not know, a stranger. 

And bringing you home to us was just as hard.

You really struggled with post placement stress and trauma and for a very long time, I feared I was not going to be able to do right by you. I was not going to be able to love you how I felt I should. I was not going to be able to bond with you.

But something happened in the last 4 years.

Last night, I was looking through all your photos. From before, in the place of safety and as I looked up and looked over at you, sitting at the table, with a colouring in book and crayons spread out around you, I was overwhelmed by my love for you, my sweet sweet little girl.  

Happy birthday Little Bird.

You may be 4, but you’ll always be my little bird. My sweet, fragile, sensitive child. Sometimes I worry the world will crush you. You have such an incredibly soft, sensitive spirit, but that is a beautiful trait, don’t ever lose it my darling. Stay sweet and gentle because those that know you will worship that character in you. 

Always be brave and be free. Don’t lose your free spirit, don’t toughen yourself for others. Always dance like no one is watching. 

Always love as freely and unconditionally as you do now and those around you will love you for that too. You are braver than you know, stronger than you can imagine, brighter than the brightest star and more beautiful than you’ll ever believe. 

While your big sister will always be the quirky child that will probably steal the limelight with her quirks and character, it’s your beautiful heart, your gentle soul that will always draw people to you. 

Happy Birthday precious. 

 

 

February 22, 2017
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14 Comments

  • Tania Brewis
    Reply Tania Brewis

    Happy birthday to your beautiful daughter. May she bring you many many many years of happiness!

    February 22, 2017 at 8:18 am
  • Hanneke Liebenberg
    Reply Hanneke Liebenberg

    Ahhh happy birthday to the gorgeous Hannah ❤❤

    February 22, 2017 at 8:31 am
  • Reply Alfonzowords

    OMG! that pic after the sentence “Always dance like no one is watching. ”
    IS EPICNESS!!!! I love it. so frickkin precious and perfectly timed. Great post and photography
    ¡Feliz cumpleaños! Tener un balanceo

    February 22, 2017 at 10:16 am
  • Reply love, kids and other things

    Well that made my cry. Wow, 4 years already? I can’t believe it. Happy Birthday Hannah – may you always keep your beautiful smile xxx

    February 22, 2017 at 10:21 am
  • Anushka Hannemann-Jansen
    Reply Anushka Hannemann-Jansen

    Happy 4th birthday sweet Hannah 🙂 ❤❤

    February 22, 2017 at 10:40 am
  • Reply pregnantincapetown

    Happy birthday to this exquisite child that just gets more beautiful and sweet every day that passes. She has touched so many hearts through us witnessing your consistently growing love for her and sharing the adventures of her growing up. Much much love to you all xx

    February 22, 2017 at 11:14 am
  • Andrea Trauernicht
    Reply Andrea Trauernicht

    I remember your tweet that you had ‘ news ‘ and you couldnt say what exactly, But I knew what it meant. It feels like just a short time ago. Thank you for sharing your raw and honest, sometimes good, sometimes bad but of of all full of love journey of parenting ♡

    Happy Birthday Hannah !

    February 22, 2017 at 11:42 am
  • Reply PaulaGruben

    Oh Sharon, this post just reduced me to tears. Sending so much love to you, & Hannah, & her birth mom today. xoxo

    February 22, 2017 at 12:39 pm
  • Reply Jodie

    Ah – happy birthday to your precious child – lovely post!

    February 22, 2017 at 1:39 pm
  • Audrey Livingstone
    Reply Audrey Livingstone

    Beautiful thought, they very lucky to have YOU as parents! Happy happy Hannah x

    February 22, 2017 at 6:06 pm
  • Daryl Faure
    Reply Daryl Faure

    Ah Sharon, you have bought me to tears with your beautiful tribute to Hannah.

    February 22, 2017 at 6:55 pm
  • Reply Julia

    This post moved me to tears. She is just exquisite!

    February 23, 2017 at 7:41 am
  • Reply Sam

    This child is breathtaking! Hope she had a wonderful day

    xxx

    February 23, 2017 at 12:16 pm
  • Reply catjuggles

    Happy happy Birthday Hannah and to you too Sharon! She will have her place in the world with that wonderful sensitive soul

    February 23, 2017 at 2:22 pm
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