Our new nanny starts today. I had to let Patience go last week. It was hard, I don’t like messing with people’s lives and livelihood, but we simply couldn’t go on as we were. Ava has never taken to Patience and I couldn’t bare to come home once more and hear her telling me how she’d been crying for me. There were a couple of incidents that left me feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. I know Ava is capable of embellishing the truth but the things she was telling me were just making me more and more uncomfortable. A couple of weeks ago, she told me Patience had smacked her, she’s also repeatedly told me that Patience doesn’t like her because she never talks to her or plays with her and when she does talk to her she’s always shouting.
The final straw came when on Thursday evening, Ava had told me that she’d been playing outside (alone?!) unsupervised and when she’d tried to come back in, the door had been closed and locked. She told me how she stood outside crying and crying because she couldn’t get back in. That was it, I knew I could no longer ignore the gnawing in my gut that this situation was not going to work out.
All I can say is thank goodness for the power of social media, I put out a call for help and got so many responses and great referrals. On Saturday morning we interviewed two possible candidates and found an absolute gem!
Angelica, or Eva as she prefers to be known started with us today. She is a trained & qualified nurse who now works as a carer/child minder. When I met her, it felt like I was meeting one of Loveness’s sisters. They look similar, tall and slim, they dress the same, very very smart, and the second she spotted my girls, she got down on the floor and started playing with them and talking to them. She has great work experience and she just feels like the perfect fit. She has a very nurturing way about her and Ava took to her immediately.
I hated letting Patience go, I felt really guilty and of course, I’ve still been holding out a hope that Loveness could/would return to us. Before offering Eva the job on Saturday, I phoned Loveness to see how she was doing and was shocked by what I heard. I’d spoken to her last Monday, when she’d told me she’d been readmitted to hospital, I could hear she did not sound well at all, confused and like she was battling to talk and concentrate. But when I called again on Saturday, I was shocked to be informed by her mother that Loveness could not take my call. What I can deduce, from the language barrier, is that Loveness is in a coma. She is no longer responsive at all, she can’t walk or talk and has also stopped opening her eyes. I feel frantic and helpless and so badly want to do something to help. I can’t bare the thought of her lying helpless, afraid and in pain in a hospital bed. I can’t bare the thought of how she must be suffering. I am terrified that we are losing her and have been in floods of tears again since Saturday. She’s family, I don’t want to try to cope without her, Ava misses her so much and I can’t bare the situation the way it is.
Loveness once told me a few years ago, when one of her previous employers had tried to poach her back from us, that she would never ever leave us, that we had been good to her and that she loved Ava like her own daughter. I got so comfortable with the fact that she was apart of us and would always be with us that its a shock I’m struggling to come to terms with, that she’s no longer here. We are similar in age and I just saw us getting old together, of raising my girls together. I don’t want to do this without her. I have so many regrets in hindsight. I wish I’d told her more often what she means to us and the difference she makes to our family, I wish I appreciated her more and having gone through the experience with Patience, I wish I’d acknowledged more often back then what an absolute gem she was/is.
This has been such a lesson for me. Losing Loveness has been one of the most painful things I’ve been through in the last few years. I am devastated by her loss but I feel so damn lucky to have had her, to call her family. She was/is so much more than a nanny.
First came Loveness and she was so full of love, now we have Angelica and I am hoping that she will be the angel we need.
Please please, if you believe in the power of prayer, please pray for our Loveness.