I never really understood the expression: When life hands you lemons make lemonade! But I think I’m learning a little bit more each day what that means. I had tea with a client this morning, we were sharing some pretty personal and deep stuff, she’s going through a rough patch, battling a bit in all area’s of her life. We were talking about our beliefs and our coping mechanisms. Some words came out of my mouth which at the time I didn’t think too much of, but now that I think about it, they seem pretty profound and I guess its what infertility has taught me. I was telling her that I believed that each individual has his/her own crosses and burdens to bare in life, that nobodies life was perfect but that the greatest victory we could have in our lives was to be happy in spite of our burdens. No easy task but I’m learning each day that its possible.
Yesterday Monica wrote a great piece about When Plans Are Screwed. This post really struck a chord with me, I so relate to what she was saying, to all the plan making, to all the dreaming and hoping and planning and then landing up with something quite different. I relate to this I guess because that’s exactly what infertility does, life hands you a basket of lemons when you were hoping for a basket of sweet oranges. I spent my life dreaming about the day I could have a baby of my own, I planned for it, I thought about it, I longed for it. Finally after much planning and hoping and praying, things fell into place and I was ready for it – at least that was the plan right? I was 30 years old, I was getting married, we were financial secure, we had drawn up wills and testaments, we thought we had all our ducks in a row. What we didn’t count on was our plans going awire. So there I was with this gigantic basket of unplanned and unwanted lemons!
A couple of weeks ago, we were having lunch with my MIL & my husbands Gran. I love his Gran to pieces, both my Gran’s have past away, so W’s Gran is like my Gran, I just adore her. We were talking about our infertility, what our plans were and both W and I were saying that we honestly weren’t sure. That it had reached a point in our lives where we couldn’t imagine children being part of it. We knew we could adapt if we were lucky enough to have a child, the question was more of did we want to adapt and not if we could adapt. And wouldn’t you just know it… W’s Gran turned to us and said what I’ve heard said about childless couples my entire life… that people like that are SO SELFISH! I was so hurt by her statement and so angry with that sentiment, I don’t understand how people go around sprouting off that we should live with the hand we’ve been dealt, make lemonade when life hands us lemons and then make a statement about how I’m selfish because I’m trying to make lemonade with the gigantic basket of lemons I’ve been handed.