We knew when we decided to adopt that there would come a time when our children’s questions about adoption and family creation would start becoming more complicated and indeed difficult to answer. It’s one of the main reason’s why Walter and I believe in absolute honestly with our girls when it comes to their adoptions. We really just don’t want to give them any nasty surprises. They just know they are adopted.
But Ava is now at an age where she has more questions about why she didn’t grow in my tummy and on Thursday night she came right out and asked me why I can’t have a baby. She told me that a few of her friends at school and mom’s who had babies in their tummies and she wanted me to have a baby in my tummy too. I reminded her that my tummy doesn’t work like other mom’s tummies and so a baby can’t grow in their and she was floored! She even got a little tearful and begged me to put a baby in my tummy. She wanted to know why I couldn’t grow a baby in my tummy and I tried to explain to her as best I could in a way she could understand, that we are not always all made the same way and that God had made me differently and so I couldn’t grow baby’s in my tummy and that’s why her and Hannah had come from other mom’s tummies because I couldn’t grow them in my own tummy.
I saw her think about this for a little bit and then she accepted my answer and moved on.
There was no great revelation, it was all so matter of fact and uncomplicated and while I know she doesn’t yet fully grasp what it means to be adopted, the seed is planted and while it is simply a fact of life for her now, in time she will mature and grow to understand fully what it all means.
What was interesting from my perspective is that it didn’t hurt me like I thought it would. In fact there was no pang of pain when I had this matter of fact conversation with her. I really have moved so far past my infertility struggle that it no longer holds the power to hurt me. A few years ago, a conversation like this would have hurt like hell but it simply is what it is now and while I will forever be changed because of my experience of infertility, the power and the pain from it is gone. Totally totally gone.
It feels good to no longer weighed down by the pain of the past.