I was checking out some Mommy blogs in my reader this morning and there were 2 that really struck a chord with me.
Every day I’m reminded by my beautiful miracle of just how much she means to me and how she has changed my life and changed me in ways I could never ever have comprehended prior to her miracle placement in our lives. Mothers love is really something, I can say with all confidence, cannot be understood until you’ve experienced it. I mean, before I became a mother, I knew it would be an all-consuming love but I didn’t understand the power of that love until I experienced it for myself.
I have never known what it was like to love someone so much that I’d willingly lay down my life for them. Of course, I feel that way about my partner, Walter. But the love I feel for Ava is so different on so many levels, so much more powerful than any love I have ever experienced previously. I don’t believe there are words in the English dictionary that can adequately and fully describe what that love feels like.
So while going through my reader, there were 2 blogs that stuck out for me today and I hope that those mommy bloggers don’t mind if I “steal” these items from their blogs.
The first is an image from Scared Mom’s blog which perfectly sums up the promise that I had made to Ava when she was placed with us:
- You get to watch all your old favorite cartoons / play with all your old toys / eat your old favorite sweets.
- You don’t get to sleep in. Ever. Like, don’t even think about it. Don’t ever. You silly person.
- Somewhere along the line, no matter what you do, or how careful and neurotic you are: You WILL get poo under your fingernails. Bonus points if you discover it immediately. Go back three spaces if you don’t.
- The words “Because I said so” will come from your mouth. As will “I’m counting to three” and as will “I will get my shoe / wooden spoon / belt / give your toys or food to charity”. Promise.
- You get to dance and sing to your baby
- You will feel like the most important person in the universe when your child stares in to your eyes
- You will have moments where you consider putting your child up for adoption / sending them to boarding school / listing them on Gumtree (and yes, even though I longed for motherhood for the better part of a decade and it is so much more than I ever dreamed it would be, I have had moments like this too)
- You will never (ever ever ever) feel true, unselfish love -until you have a baby
- You will often feel useless / overwhelmed / incapable / insecure about your ability as a mother.
- Your husband can’t do anything as well as you do. You are the better parent. Ask anyone.
- Nothing makes your heart pump more custard than your child giving you a genuine, happy, appreciative, starry-eyed smile
- Your child is smarter / better / prettier / more advanced than any other baby you’ve met.
- You will always have an issue at the way another mother lets her kid eat sweets / lets her kid still be on a dummy at age three / stopped breastfeeding at 1 month / had a c-section / introduced solids too soon / lets her kid be awake at 9pm
- You will secretly hate any other mother who has a child that sleeps though the night / has a nice body right after childbirth / looks good / gets sleep / is happily married / is happy / has time for a social life / can work full-time (I guess I’m the one being hated here, but there’s always the second time…)
- You will end up crying in a bathroom, by yourself, at some point. There will come a point where you feel sorry for yourself and feel overwhelmed / miss your ‘old’ life / think about your ex boyfriend / consider the ‘what if’.
- You will become a ‘mommy snob’, where you feel you are more mature / aware / better than single girls without kids
- You will worry that your husband finds you less attractive / desirable after motherhood and childbirth (after years of infertility and treatment have ravaged your body)
- Guilt. Do I need to elaborate?
- You get to tell stories and use your imagination again. You read books and make voices and play pretend / play hide and seek / be childish
- You are in constant awe of how much your child is learning about her little world. You have never felt as proud of anything in your whole life, as you do over your child’s first milestones
- You google things like meningitis symptoms/ ailments / disabilities / possible child genius / how to save money / daycare / CPR courses
- Some days you watch the clock like it’s nobody’s business, in anticipation for your child/ren to go to bed
- Sometimes you feel like you are nothing more than a ‘mother’ and neglect your own, personal identity/ hobbies / interests / personality
- You’re exhausted at least eighty percent of the time.
- Spur is your new hangout
- You buy ‘Your Baby’ instead of ‘Heat’ or ‘Cosmopolitan’
- You know what ‘Doctor Whites’ are
- You know that Bepanthen is an awesome lip balm (it also makes a great hand cream for winter hands)
- You know that you wouldn’t want anything more than being a mother
- You have never felt so humbly in love… In all your life.
I am still in awe, almost 2 years down the track, that I am getting to experience motherhood to the fullest, with all the joy, trials and tribulations. That everyday is full of up’s and downs, from moments of extreme frustration and thinking how I wish I could just go to the loo alone without hearing someone calling for “Mommy” to the next moment laughing my head off and wondering if she could be any cuter.
It simply is the greatest journey and was worth every tear I cried, every crack in my heart, every moment of humiliation of treatment, ever needle prick, every blood test, every injection, every single thing that was traumatic about our journey to this point. It was worth it! It is worth so very much more than what has gone before!