Ava is a sweet child. I’m sure all parents feel that way about their child. Each child is different, has their own personality traits, mannerisms and ways about them. Some kids are stubborn, some are strong willed, some bad tempered, some are soft and overly emotional. Ava is stubborn and strong willed and very very soft hearted and it’s her soft, gentle heart that may actual land up breaking my heart.
This year has been a big adjustment for her, going to a new, bigger school, being separated from her bestie and going into after-care. It’s a lot for a 4 year old to adjust to and she’s been doing really well all things considered. I’m glad to discover that she has made two friends in her class, Ashley and Giselle.
Of course this week she started after-care, another big adjustment for her. When I arrived to fetch her on Monday, she was playing with a little girl, which made feel so much better. On Tuesday, when I arrived to fetch her, she was playing Dead Horse Dead Horse (don’t even ask) with a group of little girls and this made my heart happy to know that the couple of hours spent in after-care were filled with free play and friends.
Then yesterday I arrived to fetch her and she was playing alone, I decided to hang back and just observe for a bit, I saw how she tried to join the group of girls from the previous day and how they ran away and so I ended my observation and went to fetch her. When I asked her why she wasn’t playing with the other little girls and why they’d run away from her, she told me that they had said she wasn’t their friend and was not allowed to play with them. Horrible little bitches! You have no idea how much self control it took for me to sign her out of after-care and leave, I have never wanted to grab a group of little girls by the hair and spank somebody else’s child so much in my life. My heart physically pained, it hurt me so much and was all I could think about last night and all I could think about this morning.
It’s never easy watching your child go through this kind of thing. Sadly, it’s also not the first time Ava has been through something like this. Last year, we had a similar situation at her old school, where she was coming home daily telling me things that two of the girls she was friends with were saying to her and some of the things one of them in particular had done. It broke my heart.
Like I said, I know Ava is know angel (well actually she is but whatever) and I know she’s as capable of being ugly to her friends, hell, I’ve even heard her and her bestie yell at each other that they’re not each others friends any more. I know that that is what kids do. But Ava has a soft little heart, she’s not the type of child to, unprovoked, be cruel to another child and I’m hating this adjustment phase to her new school. I hate that she’s separated from her bestie and on her own. I hate because she’s a newcomer to the school, she has to try and fit in with all the clicks and groups that have already formed.
It’s breaking my heart, it’s making my stomach hurt. I wish we could go back to the way things were. I wish I knew how to deal with these types of situations. The incident last year was handled badly on my part and landed up damaging a friendship I’d cultivated with the other girls mother and it has never been the same again. I wish I could go to the after-care this afternoon and tell those little girls to stop being such little bitches, but I can’t. I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I just shrug it off as kids being kids? Just leave her to fend for herself against that type of pack, click behaviour?
We are all a product of our upbringing and our experiences and one of my biggest fears for Ava is that someone will damage her gentle soul to the point that it changes her and she loses her beautiful, gentle, loving spirit.