My big fat truth!

Posted in Health & Wellness by

I’ve always been told by my readers that the number one thing that keeps them coming back to my blog is the sense of honesty that they always get from my writing. It’s not really something I set out to do. Initially, I just wanted to write a blog because everyone else was doing it. I didn’t start my blog with being named Africa’s Best Parenting blog for 2015 in mind. I didn’t start out writing to get free stuff from PR agencies and brands. I didn’t start out wanting to be good at it, or inspire people or any of the other multitude of noble reasons why some bloggers start their blogs. I simply started my blog because everyone else was blogging so I figured I should to. But then the comments and the emails and the social interactions started and I was hooked. I loved that my readers understood me, whether I was blogging about my infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, our adoption journey or my struggle with my weight. I loved that people got it. They got me. I felt validated. I felt not quite so alone in what is, at times, a very lonely world. And I am proud of the number one comment I get about my blog…. The honesty and openness that readers get from my writing.

Then last year I set out on my banting journey when I joined the Fat2Fab challenge and again, I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that not only would I lose 34kg’s but that I’d win the challenge. And along the way, I shared openly and honestly about my struggles, I let it all hang out. I stopped hiding behind clever selfie angles and blurry images and let you see me in all my glory from 118kg’s all the way down to 85kg’s.

And today, 1 July, I’m going to do it again by sharing an ugly truth about me. And I know this is something so many of my readers will relate to and understand. I also know that there are people out there who are going to get immense pleasure out of what I’m going to share today, but I’m not sharing for them, or for you, my cheerleaders. I’m sharing for me. Because the other thing that my blog has given me is a deep sense of accountability. And so, if I share it here, I feel obligated to follow through.

So here goes, get ready to be shocked or rub your hands in glee…….

Since the Fat2Fab challenge ended, I have GAINED 8kg’s!

It started out slowly, a couple of 100g’s here and there but I’d run, or focus on my diet for a few days and the weight would slide back off. But then winter hit, I started training less and I quit smoking and what started out as a gentle slide turned into a full-steam-ahead-downward-at-high-speed-spiral back to obesity.

Last week, when I slipped (read jumped, groaned, pulled, yanked & tugged) myself into my skinny jeans and looked in the mirror, to my horror I noticed a muffin top! A muffin top! And so after a couple of days of psyching myself up and pep talking myself, I decided to get on the scale and shock myself into action!

As of Monday, I’ve started holding myself accountable to what I eat and thankfully I’m already down a kg, so I have 7 more to go. But as of today, I’ve revive the Fat2Fab challenge with my friends as well. Because I’m so competitive, I really find that that does help me.

As a side note, have you seen the show Weighting Up The Enemy on channel TLC? I love it because it totally speaks to me, because I’m not sure how successful my weight loss journey would have been had I not been in a competition. Studies from Yale University in the United States have shown that dieters who put their own money on the line have a higher success rate when it comes to hitting their weight loss targets, and if there’s a risk that they’ll see their cash going towards a cause they dislike, they are even more determined. Bingo! This is so me!

The problem is you guys, I need to accept that in my case, once a fatty, always a fatty. I have issues with food and I need to accept it and surrender to it. I cannot adopt the 80/20 principle that most dieters can adopt. Because as soon as I taste that evil sugar, or as soon as I eat carbs, I am like a heroin addict, I cannot stop myself, the desire, the craving for more doesn’t ever stop, it just gets more and more intense and the more I eat of those foods, the more I want them and the more I want and eat them the fatter I get. I have to surrender to living my life on an eating plan for the remainder of my days, it is the only way that I can maintain my weight and my health.

Just like smokers are always just one puff a day from a pack a day, I’ll always be one peanut butter sandwich away from being a lard arse! That is my truth and I am realizing that more and more now.

I am so disappointed in myself. I feel embarrassed as I’ve been held up as an amazing example of weight loss success and I almost failed miserably.

But today…. Today… to here… and no further!

Join me on my new and revived Fat2Fab journey won’t you? Be my cheerleader or my naysayer if you like cos I like showing people a toffee and the naysayers make me even more determined to succeed. But join me on the next leg of my journey and let’s see where I end up on 15 December 2015!

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47 Comments

  • Reply catjuggles

    You WILL do it my friend ! I know!

    July 1, 2015 at 12:01 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Cat!

      July 1, 2015 at 12:58 pm
  • Reply kate

    As bad as this is about to sound, I was happy to hear you had gained weight. But let me explain why. I was happy because it meant I wasn’t alone! I wasn’t alone in being the only one who gains weight when I stop an eating plan. I wasn’t the only one feeling like a drug addict when it came to carbs and sweets and take- aways. I wasn’t the only one not working out because it was too cold/dark/early/late or whatever excuse I cooked up that day.

    Thank you for being honest about the gains. Sometimes it can be so disconcerting because you see all these people lose weight and it gets you thinking. Did they then just live happily ever after so easily? Did all their cravings just vanish? Did they remain forever motivated and skinny? Am I the only failure or the only one with no self control? But what I love most about your honesty is that you are not giving up! You are getting right back up and kicking your own ass into gear again and that gets me fired up too! BECAUSE I’M NOT ALONE!! So I’m fired up and ready to get back on track because I’ve done it before and I can do it again and you can too!!

    July 1, 2015 at 12:02 pm
    • Reply Charlene

      You are definitely not alone Kate!!

      July 1, 2015 at 12:07 pm
      • Reply kate

        Bigs hugs hon xxxx Am rooting for you too! xxx

        July 1, 2015 at 3:20 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks so much for your comment Kate! I’ve embraced the fact that I’ll never be described as lithe, thin, skinny, I’ll never be NATURALLY thin. It’s always going to take work for me. But thin isn’t even my goal. Healthy, fit, strong and comfortable in my skin are my goals. When I finished the challenge last year, I still wasn’t at goal weight, i had another 8kg’s to lose to hit goal. But I felt good. I felt comfortable. I felt strong.
      I just want to get back to that. So with that in mind… let’s smash it!

      July 1, 2015 at 1:01 pm
      • Reply kate

        Here’s to healthy, fit, strong and comfortable in our skin!!!

        July 1, 2015 at 3:26 pm
  • Reply Charlene

    To those who rub their hands in glee – screw them! You know this already, but you are not alone. I lost so much weight at the end of last year. And then I relaxed. I have so many excuses. It was December holidays, then I had a back op and was flat on my back for almost 8 weeks, and then… and then… Bottom line, if I stuff my face, I won’t be able to stuff myself into my jeans. My big mistake is to ignore the scale. I have gained back most of the weight I lost. And I hate myself for it. Feel you good that you are honest about your setback and you are doing something about it. This post will probably mean more to readers who are in similar situations, than your initial weight loss posts. We are all human.

    July 1, 2015 at 12:05 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Charlene! Let’s smash it!

      July 1, 2015 at 1:15 pm
  • Reply Coco

    Go Sharon go Sharon you can and will do it!

    July 1, 2015 at 12:05 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Coco!

      July 1, 2015 at 1:01 pm
  • Reply Debbie Lillie

    What I love about your blog is that you are so honest. Takes guts. What I read could be thoughts I have had in my own head (just far more eloquently put). Thank you for being so brave.

    July 1, 2015 at 12:12 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Debbie! Let’s do it. Let’s smash this!

      July 1, 2015 at 1:15 pm
  • Reply Meg

    Thanks for sharing with us. I’m sure that must be hard, especially after the exposure you’ve garnered for your weight-loss achievements. I fear I run the risk of sounding like a body-posi robot, spouting cliches and platitudes, but I hope you don’t link the weight gain to your self worth. Know that you are the same amazing mummy, talented writer and successful business owner, with a beautiful soul and body, as you were before you climbed on that scale. You are loved just the same by all who know you. By all means, go back on that diet, and you have all my support and cheers and well-wishes – but do it because you love your body, not because you hate it. XXXXXXX Meg

    July 1, 2015 at 12:50 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      This is such a beautiful comment and I wish I could say that I loved my body. The truth is I don’t. I haven’t in a very long time and my self loathing of my own body has something to do with my battle with obesity but also a lot to do with my struggle with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.
      When I went on my journey last year, it felt like for the first time in a long time, I was in control of my body and I feel like my body has gone back to being in control of me. I’m uncomfortable and not feeling confident at all. Which is a shame and I know that, because I’m still 26kg’s lighter than was I was in January last year.
      Maybe I do love my body, maybe I don’t. I wish I knew, my feelings are so ambivalent.

      July 1, 2015 at 1:03 pm
      • Reply Charlene

        Holy crap. Meg’s comment ‘do it because you love your body, not because you hate it’ just struck a nerve. I’ve always tried to lose weight because I hate my own body. That’s very sad.

        July 1, 2015 at 1:50 pm
        • Reply Sharon

          I know right! This is something I struggle with immensely and admire Meg so much for how beautiful and confident she is. I wish I knew how to do it.

          July 1, 2015 at 1:57 pm
          • Charlene

            Me too Sharon! xxx

            July 1, 2015 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply Anonymous

    There will be ups and downs my friend, the important thing is to bounce back to where you want to be and how you want to feel before it gets too out of control. I think it’s absolutely normal to go into a bit of a spiral during winter but you have pulled it back now and that’s what counts. I have put on weight too – been utterly miserable the last few weeks and schnarfing down the sugar and carbs and thought this very morning how I absolutely can’t do that as I just balloon – but I know I get to this point and then stop. So good luck, I am a constant cheerleader and get no joy out of you feeling unhappy but I do know it won’t be long and you will be back in it to win it!

    July 1, 2015 at 1:16 pm
  • Reply Natalie

    You go girl! You are not alone.xx

    July 1, 2015 at 1:27 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Natalie!

      July 1, 2015 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Natasha

    I started Banting about three months ago and lost 15kg. 4kg to go. I feel great and I am motivated. But I am scared. Scared about what happens after I reach my goal? I do not have a problem with cravings and haven’t had sugar for the past three months and have also not craved any high carb foods. But I am concerned that this will initially happen. Thank you for your post. I will favourite it for the day that I need it. Good luck xx

    July 1, 2015 at 2:09 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Well done and keep up the great work. Last year I had no problem avoiding all the “wrong”foods but then this year, when the challenge ended I found myself being more relaxed about it and that was my biggest downfall!

      July 1, 2015 at 2:17 pm
  • Reply charliesbird

    That’s the spirit, back on the wagon, chase those last few kg’s! I’m also back on the wagon since Monday – boom! We can do it!

    July 1, 2015 at 3:18 pm
  • Reply Nadia Williams

    Oh Sharon I get this 100%!! When one has been so successful in losing it feels like one has let people down when one slip ups and shows that one is only human! My brother went through the same thing – and because of how well he had done, and how people looked at him as a role model, his shame was experienced all on his own, and sent him rolling back down the hill. WELL DONE for this post! Well done for asking for help/accountability/whatever it is 🙂 You look amazing and you have come a long way, and few journeys are linear. I am the biggest I have every been right now and I relate so much to what you are saying. Maybe I need to join you in being accountable and setting a date… At the moment it feels like I will never get back to where I was 🙁

    July 1, 2015 at 4:31 pm
  • Reply Tracy Jacobs

    Well said and well written Sharon. I love reading your posts. Wonderfully honest, Thankyou.

    July 2, 2015 at 7:54 am
  • Reply Mandy

    I am SO in, Sharon – need to do this, want to and to have you as the champion will only help more. What do I need to do? Mandy

    July 2, 2015 at 3:13 pm
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