My Children Will Betray Me Because They Are “Non-White”

Posted in Adoption Option by

There are two points of discussion from this one blog post that I want to word vomit. So here goes….

I always knew that by adopting trans racially/cross racially that we would face certain challenges, narrow minded people, misunderstandings & prejudices. But we didn’t care. And to be honest, for the most part it has left me unaffected. I’m not easily offended by people’s views on this subject, mostly because I have learnt through my two beautiful children, that love crosses all divides, that love conquers all and that being able to love wholly & completely without placing value on a persons colour or creed is a beautiful gift that has opened my eyes to so many other possibilities and schools of thought. That I know something that others don’t and that I am all the more richer for that knowledge and this experience.

I was raised in a liberal thinking family, I am a liberal thinker myself and in no way consider myself narrow minded. I believe in “live & let live” and this has allowed me to open my mind and my heart and embrace all things. A woman’s right to choice – which may surprise some of you, given that I am an adoptive mother, same sex parenting, cross racial, cross gendered, cross cultural, blended families.

One of the lessons my parents taught me, from a young age, was to believe in democracy, to stand against racism and to support equal rights for all. And I do support all of those ideals. I think on many levels, I have taken the liberal mindedness that my parents instilled in me a step further, while they are liberals, I’m probably what would be considered a libtard in more conservative circles and you know? That’s a label I will proudly wear.

So one of the points of this email is to share my thoughts and opinions on the use of the term “non-white”. I’ve seen it used in a couple of blog posts this week, and by sharing my thoughts here, I want to make it clear, I’m not condemning the writers who used this term, I merely want to share my opinions on this term, especially now that I am parenting mixed race children.

My dad always taught us that the term “non-white” was highly offensive, that it ranked up there with other racist terms we’ve all heard because in an attempt to include all races and creeds, barring white, into one term, “non-white” is in effect saying that white is the be all and end all, the superior and that unless you are white, you’re a non-entity. I understand that we live in a society highly sensitive about race, given our past history, but find it sad that we’re afraid to say the word black, coloured etc to describe anothers race. Really, at the end of the day,  we are what we are. I am white, my husband is white, you may be black or coloured or any other colour, but it just a colour and in an ideal world, we should not be afraid to use these terms because they should not define how we value a person. As people, as human beings, we are so much more valuable than the colour of our skins, that the string of DNA that will determine that colour.

Which bring me to my next point…

Earlier today, I participated in a discussion on Carte Blanche’s FB page about adoption and adoption obstacles. A man, who I had planned to name and shame but have since decided against it, mostly because I just feel sorry for him, had asked if we had adopted “monkeys”? (Carte Blanche have since contacted me & removed his posts)

I am fortunate enough to be far enough along this journey to not be offended by such narrow mindedness any more. I went on to explain to him that a child is a child and that every child has the right to a safe and loving childhood regardless of the colour of their skin, but to answer his question…. my children are not white.

His response will probably shock you…..

He responded by telling me that they (my children) will one day betray us because of the colour of their skins!

I can’t even say I felt outrage at his response, mostly I just felt sadness. Sad that there are people in the world so filled with hate and narrow-mindedness and what their lives, filled with such hate, must be like?

My children have been referred to as “half breeds” who will be sexual slaves to white men one day because apparently all women of colour are sexual deviants who simply can’t get enough of a white penis – this comment I traced via the writers IP and found out he is a sad little narrow minded man living in America, go figure… the land of the free!

And now they’ve been referred to as monkeys.

But you know what?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

That’s what my children have taught me. They have taught me love that knows no colour. They have taught me love that transcends all human boundaries and I only wish that every narrow minded sad little person who saw my children as half bred monkeys could know half of what it is that I know.

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November 15, 2013
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29 Comments

  • Reply Nicky

    My child is mixed race, his father is white and I am coloured. If these people are correct, then our child will betray his father as well????? Madness, sheer and utter madness. When are people going to move past this?

    And also, as a coloured woman with a white partner, I must also then be a sexual deviant who cannot get enough of white penis, lol. Nevermind the fact that we fell in love with each other’s minds, personality’s etc, it must definitely be a deviant thing. I have no (more)words.

    November 15, 2013 at 11:40 am
  • Reply Jeanette Verster

    Holy moly! Cannot believe the crazies out there.

    November 15, 2013 at 11:43 am
  • Reply Joyce

    Ugh, I cant believe that there are such idiots out there, but I suppose there are also people who rape 4 month old babies and start child pornograpy websites, so yes, there are many many sick idiots out there who must be very unhappy to be living within their own sick minds. I have been married to a white guy and had the unhappiest marriage ever, I am now married to a coloured guy (I am white) and my two adopted kids are both coloured and I am unbelievably happy and blessed. I am also expecting our first biological baby, whom I suppose your sad “friend” would refer to as a half-breed, but I promise you, this is not the way the people I care about and the people who care about us, see it. I fact, nobody I have ever met, see us and our rainbow family as a problem to them or to society. And frankly, if there is someone out there who has a problem with it, I seriously feel that it would be like water off a duck’s back to me, because they are in the minority and they are living in the sad sad dark ages. You and your lovely family are a lot happier than that sick-minded person who comes up with such utter crap. Lots of love from one rainbow family to the next xxxx

    November 15, 2013 at 11:46 am
    • Reply Aubrey

      Very eloquently put Joyce. Much admiration and respect for you.

      November 15, 2013 at 1:24 pm
  • Reply reluctantmom

    Sharon I have used the term “non-white” and it had never registered in my mind as being an inflammatory or a word filled with prejudice.

    It had just never occurred to me.

    I read your comment earlier this week on my blog post and it was like a light going on.

    I did not realise the full impact of the term, and agree with you that it does tend to indicate that “white” is the ideal, and anyone who is “non-white” appears to be judged according to the “ideal.”

    I realised I was using the term “non-white” without any thought to the fact that it really is prejudice and continues to fuel the flame of the “them” and “us” …… and I think this is the value of blogging, is for a moment understanding the other person’s point of view and allowing yourself to learn and change accordingly.

    This was a really good post – and was written with huge amounts of emotional restraint —

    November 15, 2013 at 11:51 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Celeste, I really hope that you know me well enough to know that this was not an attempt at me taking a dig at you in any way shape or form. It’s just something that has been on my mind and something I have become more aware of since becoming a mother to mixed race children. There is really no emotional restraint in the post, I can honestly say that I don’t get personally affronted by people’s opinions on this matter. I used to, I used to get very hurt by what I felt were people insulting my children but I have come a long way on this journey since then.
      Your post was not the only one that brought up this topic this week, hence the fact it’s been on my mind, I’ve seen it in a few posts doing the rounds and really my point was just to share my opinion/experience/thoughts on the matter.

      Ultimately, my goal with my blog is to offer hope, courage and inspire others on the adoption journey. To show them the challenges they may be faced with and how to over come it and not allow it to stand in the way of experiencing beautiful family.

      November 15, 2013 at 11:59 am
  • Reply Coco

    We all run the risk that our “children will betray us” regardless of the colour of their skin. We all carry the hope and expectation that our children will soar and reach goals we never thought possible, again despite the colour of the skin. Water of a ducks back Sharon and may I say: “What beautiful and clever little monkeys you have!” My term of endearment for my son is “aapstert” (monkey tail) guess I have a beautiful little monkey too!!

    November 15, 2013 at 12:24 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Like I said, it really is water off a ducks back for me, but something I wanted to share anyway.
      And fyi – my term of endearment for Ava is Monkey’s Bum! 🙂

      November 15, 2013 at 12:27 pm
  • Reply Julie Brereton Buchner

    There will always be idiots hey?!! Crazy that that very sentiment “they will betray you” has been said to me more than once. Must be some urban-legend from the awfully IQ-depleted pools of I-don’t-know-what!

    November 15, 2013 at 1:37 pm
  • Reply http://www.gaywarfare.blogspot.com/

    Will we never move beyond the race issue in the country? Children don’t see color nor are they racist. This is taught to them by their parents. Seeing as we are also adopting a colored child and because we are a gay couple I have mentally prepared myself already for ignorant people’s comments. The only fear I have is that one day some idiot will say something horrible and that our child will be old enough to understand it. I am sure we will deal with it just fine but it pisses me off that we have to deal with shit like that at all. People are people, why focus on the color of their skin. We are all flesh and bone and bleed just the same.

    November 15, 2013 at 2:44 pm
  • Reply Kristi

    I think you have a beautiful family, when the time is tight financially i want to adopt i couldn’t care what color baby i get it doesn’t matter, they deserve love and to be in a family just like any baby does. Your girls might rebel when they are teenagers but like any other teen, they wont disregard you as their mom.

    November 15, 2013 at 3:09 pm
  • Reply escapecontrol

    You have beautiful girls! And you too are a beautiful person!!

    November 15, 2013 at 3:16 pm
  • Reply Jason Johnson

    I thoroughly enjoyed this blog. Wow, thank God for people like you and your husband. God bless you and your family.

    November 15, 2013 at 4:19 pm
  • Reply Lee-Ann Barnes Dowrie

    You have a beautiful happy family thats all that matters 🙂

    November 16, 2013 at 11:43 am
  • Reply Mrs FF

    I’m actually too shocked to be coherent. How sad that there are people who still think like this on 2013!!!!!!

    November 18, 2013 at 7:17 pm
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