My Elephant “Pregnancy”


It’s the 1st March 2013. I’ve been an “expectant” Mom for two years this month. TWO YEARS! That’s as long as an elephant pregnancy. Twenty four months, 96 weeks, more than seven hundred days!

In March 2011 when we embarked on our journey to add to our family and provide a sibling for Ava, I would never have dreamed we’d wait so long. I knew a second placement would be more difficult, I didn’t expect to wait 3 weeks like we did with Ava, but never ever did I imagine that two years later, we’d still be waiting, hoping and praying. I never dreamed that our two year wait would be so filled with emotional up’s and down’s, of almost placements and disappointments, I never ever imagined that it would be this hard, that it would hurt this much.

The stakes are so much higher this time, this baby is not just about Walter and I, this baby is also about giving Ava something her heart so desperately desires and each time we think we’re close, only to have our hopes shattered, a little piece of me dies knowing that we may never be able to give Ava what she hopes and longs for, a baby sister or brother.

I’ll be 41 in 3 months, not exactly a spring chicken and at some point Walter and I will have to make the heart breaking decision to stop waiting and hoping, at some point we’re going to have to accept that perhaps it’s not meant to be and remove ourselves from the list.

I can’t even contemplate that right now, it’s just too painful.


  • Tracy

    March 1, 2013 at 9:58 am

    When we started the adoption process we used to go to an adoption support group. One of the first questions we asked all the people there who had adopted was: how long did you wait? There was a huge range from a few weeks to a couple who were still waiting after five years. The average was about 2 years. So don’t despair just yet. Also, we were 43 (me) and 48 (DH) when our 2nd child arrived and I don’t think we were too old. There is 4 years between our boys and that is a great age difference so I wouldn’t worry about Ava getting older either. I know other people’s experiences are small comfort when you are living it but I offer these experiences to show there is still plenty of time for hope. Thinking of you!

  • Mash

    March 1, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Oh Sharon, it’s horrible I know. I really hope it happens super soon for you. I know it’s none of my business, but would you not consider a donor egg + (separate) gestational carrier? I’m starting to think about that myself. Wilna is also has surrogates on her books… it’s a very different journey, but I’m sure eventually it’s just as magical as adoption. My only problem is finances, but where there’s a will there’s a way. I’m not closing any doors at this point! I wish you so much strength and pray you get a call soon.

    • Sharon

      March 1, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      It is something we have considered but both of us feel like there is no guarantee with that journey either. How many IVF’s with a donor egg and surro before we get a live birth??? Fertility treatment is a door I closed 3 years ago and one I’m not willing to open again.

  • sophie

    March 2, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    I am sorry Sharon!! I hear you loud and clear and honestly I sit with the same pain, also totally get you about how IF affects Ava and that is a tough one to deal with.
    I just hope it will happen for you and for us and for all the others waiting ….
    IF is SUCKS !!

  • Ncumisa

    March 4, 2013 at 11:13 am

    I’m sorry the wait is so long for you. I hope it won’t be much longer. Strength to you & your family during the waiting period.

    If you don’t mind my asking, what is the reason for the delay? Does the agency tell you the whys? The reason I ask is I have friends in Cape Town who have adopted babies & none had to wait as long as 2 years. Are there simply no babies in your area who are available for adoption or are more birth moms / birth parents choosing to parent? This is really baffling for me. I hear stories all the time of babies living in children’s homes or with temporary caregivers and not enough families willing to adopt them.

    • Sharon

      March 4, 2013 at 12:14 pm

      We only waited 3 weeks for our daughter’s placement, however, when adopting privately, the wait is often longer for a second placement, this is for a number of reasons:
      1. Often birth parents will prefer to place their baby with a couple who has no children.
      2. The matching process the second time around is more complicated as not only are the adoptive parents taken into account but also, the second placement will have to be matched with the existing child in the family.
      3. Adoption is one part beaurocracy versus 10 parts magic, it’s all about the perfect match at the perfect time, so we hope and have faith and wait on God.


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