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My Husband Scarred By Infertility – Part II

Just like Sam, I received a proverbial kick in the nads from my long aquinted but most unwelcome friend, INFERITLITY, on Thursday evening. Its easy to forget the effect that this all has on W. I think mostly because he doesn’t talk about it much, in fact, I think the only person he does talk to about it is Stian, Elize’s husband. But every now and again, I get a glimpse into his hurt and it hurts me more than words can describe, it hurts more than a painful kick in the nads could possibley hurt. It knocks the wind out of my sails, sucks the breath out of me. I hate it I hate it I hate it, I would do anything for him to NEVER have to experience this pain.

He has a colleague who’s quite a few years younger than us, around 25 years old. I met him and his wife for the first time at W’s unbelievabley boring year end function in early December. At the time, I remember him asking us in a very innocent way why we didn’t have children? I guess its kinda obvious that I’m in my mid to late 30’s and he was confused by why we didn’t have kids. It was painful being asked that question and I was relieved when W gave him some flip answer that got us off the hook of the long explanations and then unwanted assvice that was sure to follow.  At the time, this young dude told us that he and his wife had recently had a MASSIVE fight because she wanted to try and get pregnant right away and he wanted to wait a little.

Well, lo and behold, guess what?? Yup! You’re right, she’s pregnant!  What hurt me was the look on W’s face when he told me last night about how young dude called him over to his desk to show him the pictures of their first scan!! OMG! It felt like the most painful kick in the nads.

What was even worse was hearing W tell me that he’s so jaded by all of this, that his first reaction, on seeing the pics, was to want to warn the young dude that they weren’t out of the woods and that at only 7 weeks the risk for miscarriage was still high but that he managed to keep these thoughts to himself. He says he dislikes himself for thinking that way.

OMG, it hurt so much!

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11 Comments

  • Reply kcsstrohm

    Oh that sucks so much! IF is a bitch and I hate it.

    January 10, 2009 at 6:15 am
  • Reply MePregnant

    My Husband Scarred By Infertility – Part II « The Not So Secret ……

    One response to “My Husband Scarred By Infertility – Part II”. 10 01 2009. kcsstrohm (06:15:08) :. Oh that sucks so much! IF is a bitch and I hate it. Leave a comment. Name (required). Mail (will not be published) (required). Website ……

    January 10, 2009 at 6:50 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Life just isn’t fair sometimes! Hugs, prayers and thoughts!!!

    January 10, 2009 at 7:21 am
  • Reply Erin

    God, I hate this pain. Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He was always the cheerleader in this marriage, believing that we’re get there some day. Now I see him furtively tear up christmas photos from friends and throw them in the trash. Although he never articulates it, he’s nearing in on my level of pain.

    We’re IF because of my POF. Our IF is not his fault. I would not blame him if he left. And that breaks my heart.

    Sending some strength to you an your DH.

    January 10, 2009 at 6:36 pm
  • Reply Erin

    By the way, my blog is at http://122075.blogspot.com/ if you’d like to stop by.

    January 10, 2009 at 6:37 pm
  • Reply monica lemoine

    I’m sorry, Shaz – its painful. You know, I think ultrasound pics are always painful, and will be until we ourselves get (and stay) knocked up. Sad when the man feels down a about it too. K remains optimist and cheery as ever, which irritates me sometimes, but deep down I think I’m glad.

    January 11, 2009 at 1:27 am
  • Reply Maritza

    The weird and wonderful world of things that infertiles and their spouses have to put up with…it’s a dog’s life…

    Takes one heck of a man to stand strong through all of this.

    January 11, 2009 at 8:40 am
  • Reply Elize

    IF sucks. It’s the wortst feeling on earth seeing you hubby tear up, feel left out and always have to stand on the side lines. I so wish for you guys to be parents.

    January 12, 2009 at 10:19 am
  • Reply samcy

    *sigh* I’m sorry you also had a kick in the nads my friend. It sucks hairballs.

    HUGS
    xxx

    January 12, 2009 at 11:33 am
  • Reply skrambled

    I HATE those moments. They suck!

    January 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm
  • Reply Hollie

    You are right, a giant kick in the ‘nads! When something like that happens, or I read about it happening, I have this horrible internal dialogue of “sucky sucky sucky sucky sucky…” (you get the picture). Its hard to know exactly how the elusive male thinks about all this. I’m glad that you got some perspective on his feelings. I just hate it for both of you! Here goes my internal dialogue again….

    January 12, 2009 at 5:08 pm
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