Negative Coming My Way

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I did an HPT yesterday and got all excited at the results! A big bright positive, I was so excited, I rushed out to show W! He was cautiously optimistic after viewing the test, I guess the part that convinced us both was how rapidly the result came up. So today’s W’s birthday and I thought I’d surprise him with another positive HPT. Ha! Murphy and his f*cked up laws had a good laugh in my face. I decided to do 2x HPT’s, different brands, one the same as yesterday and wouldn’t you just know it, it showed + again this morning. And then a Midstream brand which was a BFN! Of course this pushed paranoia into over drive, I’ve since then used another midstream HPT and again, the result is the same as this morning – BFN! ­čÖü

In the interim the Crinone has started to play havoc and all the additional hormones have left me feeling like cr*p. I guess the confusing HPT results are also not helping.

This morning I also figured out why I haven’t starting spotting as yet. With my previous IVF’s the IVF cycle ran longer than my natural cycle, so the early bleeding post ET always came at exactly on CD28/29 of my natural cycle. Today, I’m only on CD24, that’s why we haven’t noticed in ominous spotting as yet, but it will come.

I have this sinking feeling on the inside that this is over. Please please do not try and bull sh*t me into believing otherwise. With every pregnancy I’ve had in the past I’ve received┬áconsistently + HPT’s regardless of the brand by this stage of the game. I had a 5 day transfer, so the embryo’s should have hatched and attached before the weekend so in all likelihood I need to accept that they are dead.

One thing is for sure, this never gets easier to cope with. The worst part, its my wonderful husbands birthday today, he deserved a nice surprise but it doesn’t look like its meant to be. I can see how disappointed he is, but he’s trying hard to hold onto hope and believe that its still too early, I guess the sad part for me is that I know too much and I know its over.

March 23, 2009
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33 Comments

  • Reply Katherine

    Hi there

    Thinking of you. I know I always just knew when I was getting a BFN so I’m not going to try and tell you to be positive. My suggestion, just go for a beta tomorrow morning and stop all the unknowns. You are now more than 10 days after trigger so at least you’ll know for sure. What about your temperature? That was pretty reliable with me.

    March 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm
  • Reply Marina

    I’m so sorry Sharon, am thinking of you as always. xxx

    March 23, 2009 at 12:44 pm
  • Reply Erica Schlaefer

    I’m sorry about the news. It doesn’t ever get easier, I agree. It sucks.

    March 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm
  • Reply Sweetpea

    Oh, that really, really, really sucks. It’s still not impossible, you know, but I have to admit that I’d have a hard time believing it too. The blood test will tell for sure. I can’t think of anything more sucky than a BFN after all that you go through to even get to that point.

    March 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm
  • Reply Jules

    i’m not giving up yet

    March 23, 2009 at 2:22 pm
  • Reply SassyCupcakes

    I’m hoping and wishing for a different result for you, but I completely understand you wanting to accept that it’s the end. I’m so sorry.

    March 23, 2009 at 2:34 pm
  • Reply Hela

    Sharon, my heart goes out to you! So Sorry that Murphy has to play these games.
    Thinking of you.

    I hope you and W can make the most of today and this evening as is possible… not an easy task…

    March 23, 2009 at 2:35 pm
  • Reply charne

    o sharon i wish there was something i could say… but like you say you know your body… they i do hope your body is playing a murphy on u and that you will be shocked when you get a positive

    when is your actual test day?

    March 23, 2009 at 2:41 pm
  • Reply Elize

    I’m sorry hon, I have no words. It absofriggenlutely SUCKS!!!!

    March 23, 2009 at 2:41 pm
  • Reply Yvonne

    Oh Shaz ­čÖü
    I’m so desperately hoping that you are wrong.
    Big, big hugs.

    March 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm
  • Reply TANISHA

    Hi Sharon

    I think it has worked for you this time…. I think you should be more positive…so i am not going to say sorry just yet- till the tests are done- keeping my fingers crossed for 4u :)), just dont be negative!!!!

    March 23, 2009 at 3:18 pm
  • Reply Shawna

    I am literally crying right now! I can’t believe it.

    March 23, 2009 at 3:20 pm
  • Reply jan

    im not giving up on this yet either. sending you enormous hugs! have the blood test shar at least then you will know.

    March 23, 2009 at 3:28 pm
  • Reply Emmah

    Shaz, I am not giving up yet those HPT are wicked. I am still praying for you, miracles happen all time.

    March 23, 2009 at 3:53 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    Shaz – I really don’t know what to say, and rather than say anything stupid, I just want you to know that I am still hoping and praying for you.
    Sending you lots of hugs through the computer…. xx

    March 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm
  • Reply Abbey

    Hey Sharon, Just got back from my holiday and I’m so happy about how well your ivf has been going! I’m not giving up on your BFP yet….I still beleive it can happen…those HPT’s are wicked, evil things! Hope you and W enjoyed his special day amidst all the anxiety. Thinking of you as always and hoping with all my heart you are wronger than you’ve ever been!

    Abbey

    March 23, 2009 at 4:49 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    Oh honey…I am so damned sorry. It’s just not frakking fair. Lots of {{{hugs}}} and love coming your way.

    ~ICLW

    March 23, 2009 at 5:08 pm
  • Reply Misty

    I sure hope that you are wrong! Hoping that midstream test turns into a BFP with the next pee. Sending hugs your way.
    ICLW

    March 23, 2009 at 5:25 pm
  • Reply Sandy

    I know what you mean, the “keep positive” comments just are not helpful when the outcome is certain. Instead I weep with you. I’m so sorry. Know that you’re thought of.

    March 23, 2009 at 5:32 pm
  • Reply Katie

    I’m sorry Sharon. I think you need to find out 100 percent ASAP because being negative and positive is absolutely exhausting

    March 23, 2009 at 5:57 pm
  • Reply samcy

    My friend I am SO hoping that you are wrong about this. Thinking of you and W during this week.

    I’m here if you need to talk.

    xxx

    March 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm
  • Reply Charmain

    No long speech or anything like that from me about how you should or shouldn’t be feeling as I know when I lost all my babies that I felt no one truely knew what pain and frustration I was going through….it was MY pain,loss and frustration and only you really know how you are feeling….Just wanted you to know that you are constantly in my thoughts and I really and truely hope that this has a positive result for W and yourself.

    March 23, 2009 at 6:11 pm
  • Reply stacey

    You’ve been on my mind so much lately. I absolutely HATE seeing you go through these hard and confusing times. Please keep updating as you find out more…

    (HUGS & PRAYERS)

    March 23, 2009 at 6:46 pm
  • Reply Sian

    No!! no! no and no!I am hoping you are wrong!!

    March 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm
  • Reply Lea

    I’m so sorry that all your emotions have to be all over the place… I know the feeling! I am still keeping everything crossed for you and keeping you in my prayers…

    March 23, 2009 at 7:09 pm
  • Reply Dee

    Listen here, step away from the effing HPT’s, they are more than evil at this stage of the game. If you really want to know rather go for a beta but pls dont torture yourself with POAS.

    March 23, 2009 at 7:25 pm
  • Reply Lea White

    I’m praying very hard for you indeed!!!!

    March 23, 2009 at 8:00 pm
  • Reply Rebecca

    I very much hope you are wrong. I have everything crossed and I am thinking of you every day. Big hugs…

    March 23, 2009 at 10:08 pm
  • Reply Carrie

    I am so sorry… I know you don’t want any positivity, so I will be quietly hopeful. I totally understand you are feeling awful and defeated and for that, I am so sorry.

    Hugs,
    Carrie

    March 23, 2009 at 10:31 pm
  • Reply Lorza

    I am sorry. {{HUGS}}}

    March 24, 2009 at 1:21 am
  • Reply CeCe Garrett

    Im here and I wont stop praying.

    March 24, 2009 at 6:13 am
  • Reply MoDLin

    Bummer. You know your body better than anyone, so if you think this is it, bummer. (But I’d love to hear that you’re wrong.) Thinking of you and wishing you positive results soon or later this year.

    March 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm
  • Reply Shalini White

    I know what you mean – we know our bodies and our instincts are usually right. I’m sorry that it was such devastating news on W’s birthday, the poor guy. I hope you guys held each other and still had a quietly good time together.

    ­čÖü

    March 26, 2009 at 2:50 am
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