I can’t believe my Little Bird has been with us a year already!
At this time a year ago, we’d spent a little time getting to know her birth mom, discussing her reasons for placement and just generally chatting. When she’d asked if she could leave the room to fetch Hannah as she wanted to to be the one to hand Hannah over to us. She hadn’t seen Hannah herself since the day of her birth, when she’d signed the first consent and allowed her to be taken to a place of safety for the duration of the 60 days.
I’ll never forget, for as long as I live, the look of pride on her face as she carried our precious Little Bird into the room, of how tightly she hugged me when she past her to me, of how she couldn’t stop staring at Hannah’s face, memorising every detail of her child that she was placing in our care.
I have many photo’s from that day of us all together, taking turns holding Hannah and in everyone of them, she’s staring at Hannah’s face, trying to cram a life time of memories into those few minutes.
When it was time for her to leave, she kissed Hannah, told her she loved her, hugged us goodbye and then turned around and left. It was one of the most bitter-sweet moments of my life. I cannot imagine how hard that must of been for her. To walk out & not look back, not break down. I have the hugest respect for both her and Ava’s birth mom. I cannot imagine the burden these women live with EVERY SINGLE day of their lives.
So here’s the thing… If we were American, we’d be celebrating “gotcha” day today. For those you who don’t know what “gotcha” day is here is the definition:
I am part of the camp that feels “gotcha day” is HUGELY offensive. I cannot nor will I consider celebrating it. In my mind, “gotcha” day only looks at adoption from my point of view, from the point of view of the adopter. And yes it was and is a joyful day. It was a day I was blessed with another daughter but we are not the only ones to be considered, hence the reference to the adoption triad.
Adoption Triangle or Adoption Triad: A term used to describe the three-sided relationship that exists in an adoption between birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee, each of which is interrelated and inter-dependent on the others.
It is also a day of immense pain and loss for Hannah’s birth mother and indeed for Hannah herself. I feel it is HUGELY disrespectful to the other corners of our triad for us to celebrate such a day. It blatantly disregards everyone’s feelings except those of the adopters. And I cannot condone that, I cannot be apart of that.
I love Hannah and her birth mother too much to disrespect them in such a way.
Instead, today will be spent in quite reflection of our memories from that day and my heart is with Hannah’s birth mom as I’ve sure today is not an easy day for her. I’m sure she’s flipping through the mental images in her mind of the last time she saw her child and that cannot be easy.