People & Their Opinions

I’m opinionated. And I’m the first person to admit it. I’m opinionated. I have opinions on a large variety of topics. From topics I’m well versed on, to topics I’m not so knowledgable on. But I have an opinion, I am not a fence sitter or a wall flower, not by a long shot.

But boy, if there is one thing that irritates the CRAP out of me its other people’s unsolicited opinions and advice. If I ask for your opinion or advice, whether I agree with it or not is one thing, but to inflict your opinion on me, when I wasn’t asking for it is just very annoying in my books. Sometimes I just want to sound off, chat, talk, without somebody trying to point out the error or my ways and telling me how I could make my life better.

And it has never been more annoying than since becoming a mother. There are so many great mom’s out there, with great advice, experience and opinions, but they don’t force them on you, unless you specifically ask for an opinion or advice. But then you get another breed of mom. The know-it-all-&-knows-it-best kind of Mom’s. Who go about voicing & forcing their opinions at every perceived opportunity.

I’ve had a taste of this twice over the past few days. The first time, I went about asking for opinions on a subject which I knew would have 50% for and 50% against, I asked the question because I was unsure of where I stood and wanted to use the other mom’s from both group’s opinions, to help me make a decision, but I was actually quite annoyed by the haute, know-it-all-&-knows-it-best attitude from some mom’s, who were openly “judgy” about the other group of mom’s who were for what I had asked.

Then again today, I got the hell in because I made an innocent statement about how my Dr had put me on bed rest for 3 days and how was I going to do that with a toddler and a husband to care for and wouldn’t you know it, the statement was used in an attempt to show me the error of my ways for having a nanny and why this is precisely the reason why my child should be in crèche. It really annoyed me. It was not an invitation to start a discussion about the pro’s and con’s of my choices. I was merely facetiously pointing out seemingly stupid Dr’s orders. Because let’s get real, what mother, with a child in crèche or otherwise, could possibly spend 3 days lying in bed??!!!

It is precisely these types of scenario’s that have started to make me really gun-shy of online communities. Whether it be Face Book, support forums, my blog or Twitter – recently had a rather unpleasant experience there too, although the part that shocked me about that one, was it was unprovoked.

I’ve started thinking more and more lately about my participation in all of these online arena’s and whether I want to continue to participate at all. It’s really just not worth the stress, anxiety, anger or irritation that it sometimes causes.

You know, if I needed an opinion about parenting, I have plenty of IRL friends to ask.

I’m in a funny place at the moment. Just had one too many online experiences that has left me thinking what the hell is the point?

May 3, 2011
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14 Comments

  • Reply mozzie01

    Funny you should raise this…I am thinking of removing myself from Twitter again!

    The two incidents you refer to got my back up and I was only just a spectator…I can only imagine how it must have pi$$ed you off!

    Feel better soon!
    xxxx

    May 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm
  • Reply aussiekim

    Sharon hon opinions are like backsides, everyone has one ;] let them roll like water off a ducks back and only take on board those that sit well with you.

    Between you and me methinks jealousy can often be the reason for snarky, sly digs ppl make over the net. Whether it be jealousy over your gorgeous daughter and speed in which her adoption came about or the fact that you have help at home enabling you to continue working etc. Ignore them, you are so much better than that! Do not allow a few ppl with issues to control something that you do so well. You are a great communicator and I for one would miss your blog posts if you gave it all away.

    Hugs

    Kim
    x

    May 4, 2011 at 2:13 am
  • Reply merphin

    Sharon,
    I am sorry you have been having people pushing their unsolicited opinions on you. It sucks that as a group mothers are so very judgmental about pretty much everything (hence why I try to keep my comments short and sweet as I have quite strong opinions and can over do the enthusiasm at times). As Kim says please try not to take it to heart and let the worse parts wash off – I too would miss your honesty, humor and wonderful writing style.

    Get better soon!!!
    Lena

    May 4, 2011 at 5:35 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Hey Lena

      You know, I love hearing other people’s opinions & I’m all for good banter & a bit of a (heated) discussion, I don’t take those things personally, and they really don’t upset me. So if I blog and ask for opinions, you should absolutley share yours. But when someone uses everything another person says to try and show them the error or their ways, well I draw the line there.
      Since becoming a mother, I’ve become mindful of how I respond to other mom’s as well. I don’t offer advice unless I’m asked for it because sometimes Mom’s just want to sound off.
      KWIM?

      May 4, 2011 at 10:32 am
  • Reply bratty37

    Hi Sharon, You must never let their comments affect you. I am a firm believer in what you throw out you will get back threefolds. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. People who feel the need to throw “negative” comments around, are people that are insecure and have to belittle the next to feel important. So try and take it as a compliment that you can afford to have a “nanny”, you were blessed with a quick adoption…

    I, too, have a lady at my work who thinks that I am too calculated, routine based with my Jada….she feels that she knows more about being a mother than I do because she has had three children. She laughs at me when I read books of babies..(I am very sure that the books know more than her). The end results…her kids are BRATS…and mine is an Angel (smile)

    I know it is hard but try and sympathise with the other opinions, instead of getting angry…Angry is such a wasted emotion. Forgive them..they know not what they do…Smile

    May 4, 2011 at 7:20 am
  • Reply thebsdiaries

    Sharon I must apologise for the one incident in which I kind of lost my sense of humour. Usually I do just smile and wave and I guess (especially online) you have to do this. Most times I want to react, think about my reaction and then just move on knowing that arguing with some people is like talking politics with Juju. But ya, sometimes things just blow up and wow, take you back a bit. Should that mean limiting your online experience/interaction? Naah. Don’t let the bastards get you down 😉

    May 4, 2011 at 10:23 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks for your comment Jenny but you won’t believe it, I’m not even referring to the whole royal wedding fiasco, that was just ridiculous on a whole other level. I’m talking about the question I asked on FB about the flu injection. Some Mom’s are for it but the Mom’s who were against it, well, lets just say some of them came off as very judgy!
      So no worries there. I must take a page out of your book & learn to shrug things off, but I really suck at that but it would make my life so much easier if I did!

      May 4, 2011 at 10:26 am
      • Reply thebsdiaries

        Shrugging things off is way more easier said than done. I have mini-private rants. A lot of them. The truth is I learnt long ago that people are really just always trying to justify their life choices. When I moved to the UK, everyone said I was mad (aka their choice to stay in SA was the right one and if I agreed, it would make their choice valid). When I came back to SA everyone in the UK said I was mad. There are two sides to every story but basic human insecurity means we want constant validation that our choices are the right ones. They never are. They are just right for us at the time.

        May 4, 2011 at 10:37 am
        • Reply Sharon

          Not just bluddy but bluddy cleaver (snigger) too!!!!!

          May 4, 2011 at 10:39 am
  • Reply coachmarcia

    I think it’s all part of being online. We are all in a way anonymous (not quite but I don’t know quite how to say it). What I mean is that the fact that it’s not face-to-face makes it easier to get in someone’s face. KWIM?

    Some things we would never ever say if we were in the same room having a normal conversation but somehow the online world makes this more acceptable?

    That’s exactly why I have had to limit my activity – I don’t have the mental and emotional energy for all the drama 🙂

    Hey, get well soon and enjoy your 3 days’ rest 🙂 – yes, crazy with a toddler!

    May 4, 2011 at 10:41 am
    • Reply Sharon

      You’re so right Marcia! And like you say, I just don’t have the mental and emotional energy for it all anymore.

      May 4, 2011 at 10:42 am
  • Reply thebsdiaries

    And by the way I think it is absolutely bloody ridiculous that you can even think about injecting life threatening flu into your daughter. Do you know what drug problems you are exposing her to introducing her to needles this young? And then when she is sick, she will have to lie AT HOME. WITH A NANNY! Crazy. mwhahahahah

    May 4, 2011 at 10:50 am
  • Reply Nisey

    The problem with parenting is that we all do the best that we can in the moment we’re in.

    Social media puts us out there and instead of only our immediate friends and family commenting now you have hundreds of people – many of whom you’ve never laid eyes on telling you what they think is best.

    I believe fervently that most moms don’t judge as such but some are more ‘militant’ in their beliefs than others. I judged a LOT before i was a mom, now, i feel like i know nothing and knowing how hard parenting is i couldn’t dare judge anyone else for doing their best.

    I try not to put too much on social media to avoid the pitfalls.

    The best bet though is to simply take it where it comes from – usually people are trying to help – the ones that are being vindictive, let them have that negative energy for themselves!

    May 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    Love Denise’s comment.
    I don’t mind peoples opinions but I only want it if I ask for it. I HATE it when people just decide to go for it and speak out of turn. Thing is, you are always going to get those types of Mothers. I have to say that the longer I am a Mother the easier it becomes to deal with. Occasionally I go nuts. Mostly I smile and wave. And take it from where it comes.
    xx

    May 5, 2011 at 9:00 pm
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