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Perfectly Imperfect

I have recently become online “friendly” with a fellow Mom, Cath, whom I really admire. We share a lot of the same values and sentiments about raising our daughters and I often find myself nodding in agreement with a lot of what she has to say.

Earlier this week, Cath wrote a brilliant piece about Toddlers & Tiara’s and what exactly we’re teaching our daughters, those of you who know me will know how much I abhor that show and what it teaches little girls about what makes them beautiful and valuable.

Cath also writes a column for Parent 24 & this morning column was about Validating Our Scars.

I have a thirty centimetre scar along the front of my right leg. How I got it is inconsequential here, but it reminds me that I survived something, and that courage can get you through. It’s a reminder of something a dear friend endured and came out thriving.

You can read the rest of the column here: Validating Our Scars.

I love how Cath is teaching her daughter to be proud of her scar.

I remember when Ava was born, she had a big V shaped birth mark on her forehead.

New Born

 

A lot of people commented on it. They couldn’t see it as beautiful in the same way that I did. They saw it as an imperfection. I saw it as a mark of perfect mothers love. I saw it as a mark that proved how hard Ava’s birth mother laboured to bring her into the world, naturally and without any pain medication, while holding my hand, I see that mark as a symbol of perfect love, of a perfect gift, of a perfect blessing.

People told me not to worry about it, like it was something I saw as marring my perfect child. People told me it would fade in time and go away. Well, 3 years on, it has faded but it’s still there and its part of Ava’s story, it’s part of her beauty, it’s part of what makes her utter perfection.

It is sad for me that as a society our idea of beauty has become based on physical perfection and that we don’t see beauty in the imperfect.

What is perfect anyway? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have met people who I thought were perfectly ordinary looking and as I’ve gotten to know them their inner beauty has shone through and made them beautiful on the outside too.

I saw this on Face Book a while ago and even though it’s not entirely related to this post, it did get me thinking. I know which image I think is beautiful, which won do you prefer?

Pretty Ugly

Even more sad that we live in a time when many people think that this is what a pretty little girl is:

toddlers&tiaras

 

 

 

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4 Comments

  • Reply Mash

    So sad hey. I once saw a program about people who were facing their inner demons and in the process overcoming some outer illnesses. There was a black woman who had to come to terms with her own self belief that her skin colour made her “dirty”. How appalling is the message that she has received from society… If I remember correctly, she became obsessed with showering, three or four times a day. Oh my word, and Toddlers and Tiaras – don’t get me started.

    October 20, 2012 at 5:58 pm
  • Reply Sian

    There are some really narrow minded views in this world and I feel hugely privieleged to have learnt and grown through my experiences so far. We are constantly learning through life and its really a huge gift….if you take it.

    October 22, 2012 at 8:16 am
  • Reply Cath Jenkin

    Thank you for reading, relating and sharing. Big ups to the scars and thumbs down to the pageants.

    May true beauty reign.

    p.s. Tell Ava, I have a birthmark on the inside of my thigh. It looks like a dirty mark. One day, however, C pointed out to me that it actually looks like a dinosaur. You can tell Ava her “V” is for “Victory”. X

    October 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    I caught Toddlers and Tiara’s by accident 2 weeks ago while channel hopping and honestly, I can’t understand how those adults see that as ‘cute’ or ‘beautiful’ or ‘pretty’. I think it’s heinous. I think it’s depriving those precious children of being just that – precious children. It’s horrific. WHAT are those girls going to grow up to be? What kind of attributes are they going to have? WHAT lessons are they learning about life and acceptance and what is good and right?
    Why can’t people just let kids be kids??????

    October 23, 2012 at 8:40 am
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