Putting together our adoption profile was very intense and extremely stressful. How on earth do you adequately capture on paper the essence of why a woman should choose you to raise her child?? How do you come across as likable? When we were with our SW on Monday, she had shown us some of the profiles they had to give us idea’s for our own profile. I found the profiles we viewed very very tacky & extremely intimidating. They appeared to be brag books about how amazing some people think they are. None of them left me feeling warm and fuzzy, if I was the BM (birth Mom) I’m not sure there were any we viewed that I would choose if I was in her shoes.
I think part of my feelings are because their profiles left me feeling inadequate. The point of the profiles we viewed were clearly to show the birth mom how rich they are and how the baby would have everything money could buy offered to it, should they be successful. As an example:
And here is our house in Clifton, Cape Town, its a beach front property. And now here is our beach front apartment in Sydney and its only a 5 minute walk to the opera house. And this is our apartment in New York, it borders on Central Park! And here we are on holiday in Europe, here we are at the Aztec ruins in South America, this is us skiing in Switzerland.
Thankfully a couple of my IF sisters who have adopted were kind enough to share their adoption profile with us as well, this helped give us more balance and helped us create a more emotionally touching profile. I want the BM to like us, I want her to know how strongly this child is is desired and yearned for and not just by W and I but also by our families and friends. I want her to know that if she chose us, we’d strive to ensure that the child’s every need was met but more than that, her baby would be raised in a home where love, respect and friendship were the cornerstones of who we were and of who our child would ultimately become.
Being put in a position where we had to complete our profile in a couple of hours was very stressful. I kept thinking to myself that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. And how do we create that lasting first impression in such a short period of time with so much to say?
I guess its too late to worry about it now. Our profile arrives with our social worker today and gets presented to the BM tomorrow. I can only pray that who we are shines through the words and photo’s we’ve selected for our profile.
Two of my cousins are adopted, one of them sent me the most beautiful poem which I included in my profile, it speaks volumes of my thoughts on adoption:
Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim
One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears
One gave you up – it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you