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Self Righteous, Ignorant & Judgemental Mommy “Support”

I was tagged in a post today on FB, another “mom’s support” group, although, I have to say, I’m not sure that there was much “support” going on in this particular post. Just a whole lot of judgement, self righteousness and ignorance. Anyway, the reason I was tagged was to offer some advice to a pregnant mom who wanted to place her baby for adoption. I’ve copied and pasted some of the unbelievable ignorant, stupid, self righteous and down right judgmental comments below:

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Here is the original message:

Anon:
Please ladies do NOT Judge.

I’m about 4months pregnant, unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.. I do have a child and love my child to bits, I’m just not ready for another one.. I’m tired of pretending to be happy about it when all it does is make me moody and nasty towards others.. I could not abort so I want to give this child up for adoption… How do I go about it and can I do it without the biological father’s permission?

  • Your child will have a brother or sister. A friend for life. Try to see it from your child’s eyes in a few years time and how it could be. Don’t make a hasty decision.

Um… DOH! Adopted children have brothers and sisters too, or perhaps you’re one of those who are so hung up on genetics you can’t see it any other way. 

  •  don’t make a decision in haste. if u really interested in giving the child up I know some1 that will gladly take it and gv it vrything it needs for a blissful life.

The “it” you refer to is NOT a hamster or puppy. It’s a CHILD! Who are you to judge who qualifies as a suitable adoptive parent???

  • If you are serious about adoption please let me know, I know someone who would give the baby a great life.

Again, who qualified you as a social worker to determine who would make suitable adoptive parents? 

  • When you see that baby you’ll fall in love. Don’t make a decision until you are 100% certain. How will that kid feel when he finds out he was put up for adoption but you kept his sibling.

So missing the point. This is not about siblings, this anon mom is issuing a crying for help, she is trying to what is best for EVERYONE in the situation. And really, way to go simplifying such a deeply complex situation. 

  • You will never be financially ready ….once you waited to long you will be old for a second child ….its also selfish know your child has a brother or sister and you want to give it up ….pls dont …you will regret and when your lo finds our when they older they will never forgive you ….you cant just think of yourself….think of your child that you love so much

You must be an idealist who lives in lala land believing all a child needs is love. Seriously, children cost money and for some of us (perhaps I shouldn’t include myself in this group as you probably don’t see me as a “real”mother either given my barren womb) providing for our children is of the utmost importance. We consider things like the cost of a good education, medical care, child care, etc etc etc. You don’t know the state of this anon mom’s finances, so don’t be so flip about her concerns. And again, I think this anon mom is very brave, I don’t believe she’s only thinking of herself but her whole family, including her unborn child. 

  •  Pray!!! God will not afford u a child if He cannot put in place any help…U dnt know what is God’s plan 4 this baby.Maybe this child is supposed 2 be there 4 the other 1.They might need one another more in later years.Do u want ur child 2 be all alone when God forbid something happens 2 u….@ least they wil have each other…kids are a blessing & plz wait a while!

Adopted children are blessings too, in ways you could clearly NEVER understand. And pray, oh my favorite, pray. If I had a $ for every time somebody told me to pray when I was going through my infertility. No matter your faith, surely we are all adult enough to realize that sometimes our prayers are answered and the answer is no! Perhaps adoption IS the answer to anon mom’s prayer?  We don’t live in a fairy tale, shitty things happen in life but how we cope and the choices we make with the hand we’re dealt is what counts. 

  • I always thank God for the mum I was blessed with. For I could have been born to someone who felt I should be given away or worse, aborted………sad how the new generation thinks.

Self righteous bitch! Adopted children ARE NOT given away! You clearly HAVE NO CLUE!

  • How about you just give the baby TO the biological father? I mean really.

Again, seriously! This is NOT a puppy, this is a child! Not to be “given” from one person to the next! And again, there could be a million and one different reasons why just “giving” the baby to the biological father is not a possibility! 

  • Some women spend so many years trying to conceive ( knowing they can provide a good, loving home) and some die never knowing what if feels like to carry a new life inside of them. And then we get women who don’t even feel remotely excited about being pregnant, life is such I presume! adoption is an easy way out and should only be implemented when the natural parents die, my opinion anyway … whatever you decide, I pray your unborn child ( which didn’t ask to be born by the way!) never feels unwanted or unloved

Yes, I am one of THOSE women you refer to, poor little me, I will die never knowing what it feels like to carry a child inside of me and yet I am still blessed beyond your narrow mindedness! Adopted children, while they may experience a certain about of rejection when they are older and understand the concept of adoption, when placed in a loving, suitable, properly screened and approved family WILL NOT grow up feeling unloved. And most importantly IDIOT, adoption is HARDLY the easy way out, adoption is love. Adoption is about putting the wants, needs, hopes and dreams of your unborn child before your own. It’s about making a life long commitment to sadness and to feelings of loss and grief! It is HARDLY easy. I’m quite sure both my children’s biological mothers would agree with me and be shocked at your careless thought that its the easy way out!  Oh and just to add, thanks for your opinion, but if your opinion were law, then women like me would NEVER experience motherhood, and beautiful families like mine would never exist. 

I’m just reminded over and over again that we live in a society where the large % of people will never know or understand my family. Where some people are so obsessed with genetics that they can NEVER truly know love. How sad for them. But how dare they put their issues onto a scared, sad pregnant woman who is looking for help!

You can read the full threat here.

 

 

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28 Comments

  • Reply reluctantmom

    Fucking hell!! Can I say fucking hell on your blog?

    Adjectives escape me, just FUCKING HELL there are a lot of people commenting on this thread who really should either be euthanaised or sterilised.

    Yes I said it — yes I did.

    I am amazed every day by the stupidity of the human race, and now understand why some mothers have no friends, or drinking companions because they are so bloody stupid, self-righteous and can I say FUCKING STUPID.

    Is that too many stupids in one sentence?

    Clearly not as many stupids as there were in that comment thread.

    FUCKING HELL!

    {feel free to edit this comment or block it due to its inappropriate use of the phrase FUCKING HELL}

    September 18, 2013 at 5:03 pm
    • Reply Tiina

      I love your comment Reluctant Mom, spot on!

      September 18, 2013 at 5:23 pm
  • Reply Laura-kim le Roux

    WOW! Just WOW! I honestly have no words really.

    September 18, 2013 at 5:09 pm
  • Reply Pandora

    What Reluctant Mom said. That’s is all.

    September 18, 2013 at 5:26 pm
  • Reply melissa

    That is so wrong….i guess she has never had to face infertility and the wonderful gift birth mom’s give. How we long to love a child and how much love we have to give. Grrrrrrrr ignorance!!!!! Hope u can help her Sharon, your story is an inspiration to us ‘waiting’ and I’m sure a comfort to those making this difficult choice xx

    September 18, 2013 at 5:29 pm
  • Reply Tracy

    I saw this too. Angry. Could not even. The ONLY answer to this question (and the similar ones I get from pregnant teens) is this:

    Are you sure?
    Have you thought it through?
    Okay, here’s how you go about it

    September 18, 2013 at 6:30 pm
  • Reply Nisey

    Pray!!! God will not afford u a child if He cannot put in place any help…U dnt know what is God’s plan 4 this baby.

    Indeed, perhaps God’s plan is for this child to be adopted? I love the way people know exactly what God’s plan is.

    September 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm
  • Reply Mom23

    I’m speechless, absolutely speechless. Most of those comments are a slap in the face to every birth mother who has gone through the trauma of placing their babies, myself included!

    September 18, 2013 at 9:34 pm
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    Oh ffs. This infuriated the shite out of me. Who is the doos who thinks adoption is the easy way out?
    What a bunch of flaming eejits!

    September 19, 2013 at 6:11 am
  • Reply Fucking hell … no that is all ….. how stupid are people? |

    […] you want to go along and post a comment on Sharon’s blog – please link through to Blessed Barrenness and feel free to leave your rant, or tell her she is over […]

    September 19, 2013 at 6:13 am
  • Reply gen

    Speechless! Jaw dropped! I cannot believe this!
    Fuck !
    Im so mad !!!
    I just want to punch someone!

    September 19, 2013 at 8:49 am
  • Reply twitter_Choffel

    Yes, we’re surrounded by idiots. The beauty of it is you don’t have to associate with them, it’s a choice. Much like adoption and doing what is in the best interest for the unborn child, something none of the above commentators clearly have an iota of a clue about.

    September 19, 2013 at 9:17 am
  • Reply Coco

    Speechless ….

    September 19, 2013 at 11:55 am
  • Reply darylfaure

    The level of ignorance of some people is just frightening.

    September 19, 2013 at 2:26 pm
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