My friend Ginger, had a very interesting link on her blog yesterday to posting done by The Infertility Therapist which I related to on so many different levels. And while reading I found myself nodding my head in agreement.
I am finding that the older Ava gets and the more time passes and I move further and further away from my once long infertility journey, I am feeling more and more disconnected from the infertility community as a whole and I’m finding I have less and less patience with all things fertility related. I started feeling this way shortly after Ava was born and at the time I put it down to survivor’s guilt. But as the time passes I’m realizing that time truly is the healer of all wounds and I am finding healing. My journey to motherhood has changed who I am as a person, in almost all aspects, for the better.
I’ve found myself spending less and less time on support forums, less and less time trying to immerse myself in all things infertility related. A lot of this is in part to the new path I am on but also in part to the long journey it took to get where I am today.
When reading the article from The Infertility Therapist, I find myself identifying the most with this statement:
When listening to the emotional experiences of “newbies”, or those just entering infertility experience, the “veteran” often feels irritated and impatient.
The thing that I loved about this article and about all the comments was that it in a way, made it ok for me to embrace a lot of the ugly things that infertility brought out in me. And in being ok and finding acceptance of myself with those old ugly feelings of bitterness and jealousy has, in a very large way, set me free.
I realize that the way I felt/feel was normal for where I was at and for what I had been through and that it was ok to feel the way that I did.
I’m set free from the pain and the anger and the bitterness and the jealousy that held me prisoner for so many years and it’s truly liberating and freeing to be in the space I now find myself in.