Shattered Husband

Posted in Infertility by

This miscarriage seems to be hitting W hard. He had such real hope that this was it. Since we’d had the first confirmation and then the awesome second beta, he’d started planning and arranging and genuinely getting excited. Its probably the first time, aside from my first and second pregnancies when we were still naive enough to think that there weren’t any real issues. On Thursday morning, while I was nervously eating my breakfast before going in for the repeat beta, he told me I shouldn’t be nervous, that he really believed everything was going to be fine after the fabulous beta count on Tuesday. On Friday morning, while I was sitting with him, all puffy eyed and bloated from the crying, he looked at me and asked me if there was no way that the beta would go back up again and that everything would be ok? I cried so hard when I saw the hope in his eyes, the hope he is clinging to is completely crushing me. We are praying for completely different things him and I – he’s praying for a miracle, that somehow, someway my beta would have miraculously recovered when we retest on Saturday. I’m praying that the beta will continue to drop so I can get off this roller-coaster. At the end of the day, the ending is inevitable, my beta increasing will simply prolong the eventual outcome.

October 17, 2009
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12 Comments

  • Reply Lea White

    Just know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Both of you!

    October 17, 2009 at 5:46 am
  • Reply Stacey

    This just breaks my heart. Thinking of you both.

    October 17, 2009 at 7:03 am
  • Reply Rach

    When I wasn’t worrying about my own feelings with my losses, I was worrying about BikerMans because as a typical male, he rarely displayed them.

    Big hugs to both of you..

    xxx

    October 17, 2009 at 7:05 am
  • Reply Jenny

    I’m sorry Sharon. Really wish this outcome could be different.

    October 17, 2009 at 8:13 am
  • Reply Gen

    This is the worst part of it, because, this is what happened to me too, and it makes it so much harder to deal with everything, I had to cope with my heart ache and at the same time, I was dying inside for G, just looking at him made it worse for me.

    Im thinking of you both, and feeling your pain, it brings back so many memories for me.

    Tons and tons and tons of love to you both.

    October 17, 2009 at 8:43 am
  • Reply Andie

    I’m so sorry. It’s heartbreaking.

    October 17, 2009 at 8:49 am
  • Reply Gwen

    I’m so sorry that both of you are in so much pain. Look after each other.

    October 17, 2009 at 10:22 am
  • Reply sassy

    Oh no. I was talking to my hubs about you last night and he was like ‘her husband?? how is he??’ I guess this post answers it. I’m so sorry, for both of you. ):

    October 17, 2009 at 10:25 am
  • Reply SCY

    ((((HUGS)))) to you both. Love you both loads.

    xxx

    October 17, 2009 at 11:19 am
  • Reply Kristin

    I am so damned sorry.

    October 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm
  • Reply Susan Shepherd

    I’m so sorry Sharon.. for you both.

    October 17, 2009 at 6:47 pm
  • Reply Quiet Dreams

    I’m so very, very sorry. For both of you.

    October 18, 2009 at 2:19 am
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