It’s the first ever World Adoption Day and November is also adoption awareness month so the topic of adoption has been floating around in my mind all week and there are a few things I wanted to share.
Firstly, while we celebrate the act of adoption making us mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, family… lets not forget about the birth mom’s and birth dad’s who’s decision to place their babies is what made us family in the first day. I believe we should honor them first and foremost because without them, we would not be family. Certainly, in my own family, I see our birth parents and most especially our birth mothers, as an extension of my own immediate family. We are bound by so much more than blood and genetics. So today, more than any other day, I want to honor our birth mom’s and all birth mom’s around the world.
Then I want to encourage all of you to head on over to Portrait Of Adoption and red this: 18 Years Later, I Finally Held My Baby Again – Adoption Reunion Then come back and tell me how that story moved you. Because I cried when I read it. I couldn’t get our own birth mom’s out of my mind while reading it. I kept thinking about what our adoption reunions will be like. I keep hoping and praying that Ava & Hannah and Irma & Rene will allow us, Walter & I, to play some small part in their reunions.
I also received an email from a birth mom earlier this week. Asking for advice and guidance on how best to put the hearts & minds of her baby’s adoptive parents at ease as they seemed loathe to share information about how her son was doing, in spite of having a communication contract in place. If you’ve adopted or are thinking about adopting….. DON’T do that! If you make a promise to send regular updates to your birth mom, come hell or high water, you DO IT! She has trusted you with something so precious, her own flesh and blood and she will live with the wound of that choice for the rest of her life, the least you can do is stick to your agreement, a letter and some photo’s may seem small and insignificant to you, but to birth mom’s, it means the world. Honour your agreement.
Lastly, I believe it’s important as adoptive parents to acknowledge the loss that goes hand in hand with placement. I have always maintained that my children are my miracle, my blessing, I am not theirs. We need to acknowledge that there is pain, there is grief and there is trauma in adoption, just as there is joy and love. Only by acknowledging the full spectrum of emotions that encompass the complexities of adoption can we fully embrace our children & support them emotionally as they travel through their journey of life, find their identity and make peace with a decision that was made for them.
Sorry, a bit of a disjointed post but points I’ve been thinking about over the past week that I do believe are important!
Lastly, if you’re a birth parent, an adoptive parent, an adoptee or someone who’s life has been touched by adoption and would like to support World Adoption Day, you can get more information here: http://worldadoptionday.org/