So after yesterday’s Can o’ Worms post, Walter and I have spent a lot of time talking this through. Mash commented that I should trust my gut and that if I was getting a yes with comfort then I should go for it, or if I was getting a no with comfort then I should not proceed.
The problem is my gut is saying yes and no and neither one of them is giving me any comfort.
Did you ever hear the joke about the guy who wanted to win the lotto? So he prayed and prayed and asked God to grant him a miracle and let him win the lotto. And each week the lotto would be drawn and he never won and each week he prayed more fervently to win the lotto. This went on for weeks and then weeks turned to moths and one day he was down on his knee’s begging God to please let this be the week that he won the lotto and he heard God speak back to him and God said: “For goodness sake, help me to help you and BUY a lotto ticket!”
A very simple illustration to be sure, but one that illustrates the point perfectly. We have to work for the miracles we receive. That doesn’t make them any less miraculous but there has to be some effort put in, we have to be open to receiving a miracle.
Ava-Grace’s miraculous arrival in our lives happened for one reason and one reason only… we were open to receive the miracle. We wanted the miracle and we were willing to do whatever necessary to be granted the miracle. Aren’t all babies arrivals like that? Aside from the Virgin Mary, we are all doing SOMETHING to receive that miracle. Whether it be sex, timed cycles, IUI, IVF, surrogacy, fostering, adoption whatever, we’re doing something.
If there is one thing I have learned on this long journey to parenthood and now on the journey to turn our family of 3 into a family of 4, its that I cannot allow fear to stand in the way of my hearts desires. You cannot overcome an obstacle with fear. You cannot achieve your dreams if you allow fear to stand in your way. You cannot allow your life to be frozen by fear!
So am I afraid of doing another IVF? Absolutely, quivering at the knees kind of terrified. Am I afraid of a second adoption attempt? So terrified I feel like I’m getting a stomach ulcer each time I think about the 60 day consent period. But you know, if I succumb to the fear and we don’t move forward, do you know what the chances are of us receiving another miracle?
Slim to none! I WON’T allow my life and the course of my journey to be altered by fear!