Standing Against FEAR!

So after yesterday’s Can o’ Worms post, Walter and I have spent a lot of time talking this through. Mash commented that I should trust my gut and that if I was getting a yes with comfort then I should go for it, or if I was getting a no with comfort then I should not proceed.

The problem is my gut is saying yes and no and neither one of them is giving me any comfort.

Did you ever hear the joke about the guy who wanted to win the lotto? So he prayed and prayed and asked God to grant him a miracle and let him win the lotto. And each week the lotto would be drawn and he never won and each week he prayed more fervently to win the lotto.  This went on for weeks and then weeks turned to moths and one day he was down on his knee’s begging God to please let this be the week that he won the lotto and he heard God speak back to him and God said: “For goodness sake, help me to help you and BUY a  lotto ticket!”

A very simple illustration to be sure, but one that illustrates the point perfectly. We have to work for the miracles we receive. That doesn’t make them any less miraculous but there has to be some effort put in, we have to be open to receiving a miracle.

Ava-Grace’s miraculous arrival in our lives happened for one reason and one reason only… we were open to receive the miracle. We wanted the miracle and we were willing to do whatever necessary to be granted the miracle.  Aren’t all babies arrivals like that? Aside from the Virgin Mary, we are all doing SOMETHING to receive that miracle. Whether it be sex, timed cycles, IUI, IVF, surrogacy, fostering, adoption whatever, we’re doing something.

If there is one thing I have learned on this long journey to parenthood and now on the journey to turn our family of 3 into a family of 4, its that I cannot allow fear to stand in the way of my hearts desires. You cannot overcome an obstacle with fear. You cannot achieve your dreams if you allow fear to stand in your way. You cannot allow your life to be frozen by fear!

So am I afraid of doing another IVF? Absolutely, quivering at the knees kind of terrified. Am I afraid of a second adoption attempt? So terrified I feel like I’m getting a stomach ulcer each time I think about the 60 day consent period. But you know, if I succumb to the fear and we don’t move forward, do you know what the chances are of us receiving another miracle?

Slim to none! I WON’T allow my life and the course of my journey to be altered by fear!

February 28, 2011
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10 Comments

  • Reply lea2109

    Love your post – so true!

    February 28, 2011 at 11:12 am
  • Reply tzipieastwest

    Sharon,
    What a dilemma !
    I agree that fear should not hold you and that is should be overcome but still I remain with 1 question and 1 observation from what I read in your blogpost.
    1) Question: What would be the big advantage from a successful IVF ? Experiencing pregnancy, delivery, having a “bio” connected child, skipping the dreaded 6ww after the inintial placement ? I believe, you can find your very own answer by checking your motifs carefully.
    2) Observation: Could there be a link, even uncounsious, between having another baby and “wanting/needing” to go through IVF again or is it just coincidence, that you decide to have another baby/enlarge your family and that you “meet” this couple pregnant through ART at your previous clinic, at this very stage of your journey ?

    I hope that whatever you decide feels good to you and your family and above all, wishing you success !!

    February 28, 2011 at 12:33 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Easy questions to answer:
      1. One of the reason’s I’m resistant to doing another IVF is because I don’t want to experience pregnancy, having said that, I do want another child and just like with ART, there are no guarantee’s with adoption. So we need to review all our options open to us and we need to go along with whatever opportunities will potentially get us to the point of having another baby.

      2. Purely co-incidence. There are only 4 fertility clinics in Jo’burg so if you travel in those circles, you’ll always know somebody at the same clinic as you. And the friend in question I met through work. He joined a company that is my biggest client and we deal with each other daily.

      February 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm
      • Reply tzipieastwest

        Tough one!
        Good luck for your decision !

        February 28, 2011 at 4:25 pm
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    Its a really tough one, I’m glad that I don’t have to make the decision. xxxx

    February 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm
  • Reply Tanya Kovarsky

    OMG – another tough one you face, when heart and head are at opposing ends, and the gut has been numbed/silenced.

    Wishing you much strength in finding what is “right”.

    February 28, 2011 at 1:32 pm
  • Reply Fiona

    So true! You put yourself out there to receive Ava. If you hadn’t gone to see the SW and done your profile Ava would have been someone elses miracle. We do the walking and God takes us to the destination but without taking that first step you’ll never get there. Good luck Sharon…I’m positive you’ll make the right decision for your family 🙂

    February 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
  • Reply wheresmybun

    Wow, that’s a tough decision to make. I know that the Valentine’s special is REALLY good, but maybe if you put that aside, would you still do IVF? And if so, then waiting a month or so to make really sure would be the best option. Or if it’s a definite yes, then go for the special. It just feels a little rushed, and I’m certain the reduced cost is putting even more pressure on you to make a decision quickly. But whatever you decide, good luck hon, I’ll be here rooting for you all the way!

    February 28, 2011 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply Mash

    If you aren’t getting a clear yes or no, then you need to get really, really quiet. Sit by yourself for as long as it takes. Make sure you aren’t THINKING, just feeling. Take your time. You will know when you know, and it won’t feel like something logical, just knowing.

    Yes, you need to move your feet to make your dreams come true, without a doubt. But, having said that, your gut feel is going to help you move those feet in the right direction ;-).

    Overcoming fear is important (Landmark again), and so is putting the past behind you and not making fear based decisions on it. I believe there are only two types of decisions – ones made out of love (YES feeling) and ones made out of fear.

    Are you scared of NOT trying the IVF in case that was your chance – that’s a no. Do you feel like this is a positive possibility? That’s a yes! Bit of both? Wait until you are clear.

    It’ll come to you. You’ll know with clarity xxx

    February 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
  • Reply yvettene

    So true about the fear!

    March 9, 2011 at 10:19 pm
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