After my Woe-Is-Me post last night and while sitting listening to my baby cry for almost 40 minutes last night, I had a major epiphany – Mother knows best! And I may be a new mom and not really know what I’m doing most of the time, but I do know my child and I do know my love for my child and I do know the boundaries of what is ok for me and for her and what isn’t. So while I may not be a sleep and routine expert or a Dr or a Chiro or a Mother of multiple children, I am Ava’s mother and I’m stopping the madness right here!
Yesterday was an extremely difficult day. Compounded by the fact that my DH (a quality assurance manager for a telecoms company) had a major deliverable due today so worked till midnight last night and was rather annoyed and irritated by Ava’s crying while he was trying to meet a deadline and landed up going back to the office to work till midnight in peace and quiet. When he left and I was all alone with bottles to sterilize and prepare and only the sound of my crying daughter, I caved. I went into her room, looked at her tiny tear stained face and decided in that intant that the madness was stopping.
I am no longer interested in the assvice or expertize of anyone! I do not care! I don’t want to hear it. Motherhood is a lesson not just in patience for me (and trust me, if you think infertility teaches patience, its got nothing on motherhood) but its also a lesson for me in learning how to kick back, roll with the punches and just take things as they come. I’m very Type A personality, I like things just so, my way, my way or the highway, come hell or high water. But it doesn’t work that way with a baby.
I want to thank all of you who sent me emails of encouragement, who were willing (and let me tell you, few Mom’s are willing) to admit that your children and babies were not perfect and that the first few months was incredibly hard. You’ve given me license to say its ok that things are not panning out in the perfect way I had imagined in my head. I think what makes it so much more difficult is that a lot of Mom’s are SO competitive, you’re almost afraid to admit that you don’t have the perfect life with the perfectly behaved child for fear of the judgement that comes down on you, I’ve been shocked by some of the comments I’ve received (not here thankfully) from other mother’s when I’ve reached out for help or advice.
Katherine, especially to you, your email last night was a turning point for me, this statement you made made me wake up and realize I was exactly the same:
You were right when you said motherhood is not for sissies. It is unbelievably tough and one is forever questioning oneself and asking everyone what they did, etc. as everyone else’s baby seems like a model child compared to your own. Ava was impossibly difficult (according to me when she was tiny). Chris thought she was a breeze but I’m a Type A control freak who craves routine and he’s not.
Thank you for not judging me but offering me kindness and compassion. That statement made reminded me that I’m exactly the same and that I need to learn to roll with it.
In our adoption profile, when we were asked to define our parenting style, W and I jokingly said that famous line from the movie: “Meet The Fockers” – we’re just going to love the little focker. Our BM informed us it was the clincher for her, when she read that statement, she new in an instant that W and I would love her child unconditionally and that we’d do it with a sense of humour.
Well I’m going back to honoring that statement, from this moment on, I’m just going to love my little focker!