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Switching My Mind & Body Off TTC

birth-controlI want to go on birth control. I’ve been thinking about it since we got the news of our 7th miscarriage and the more I’ve thought about it, the more sense it makes for me to go on birth control.  One of my best friends suffered her 4th loss earlier this year and after getting through that, she too announced that she was going on birth control and at the time I thought it was a terrible idea. As I’m sure most of you will think that this is a terrible idea for me. But I guess there in lies the difference between myself and my friend and my fellow IF sisters who are still on the treatment/ttc roller coaster. While I have not given up on motherhood and am still just as determined to see my dream fulfilled,  I have put behind me the notion that I will ever be pregnant again. Its not something I want for myself anymore. My focus has shifted.

Of course after more than 7 years of TTC its a very difficult notion to get my mind around and I feel that the only way to switch off the part of me that has been so focused on TTC is to go on birth control so that I can avoid those thoughts… if we did it now maybe….. maybe this month a miracle happenedd… The point is my cycles are so regular, that even if I don’t track them I KNOW when I’m ovulating and I don’t want to even be thinking about that anymore. I don’t want those thoughts in my head anymore. Last night, I cleared about my bathroom cabinet, I threw out boxes of Preseed, a BBT thermometer, Ovulation Kits, Pregnancy tests and Fertile Focus microscopes and it felt fantastic, I felt liberated, set free by these things that have held me captive for years!

And it was then that it dawned on me, I don’t want to go on the pill either, I’m going to ask my RE to write me a script (see the irony in this) for the 3 month injection. No ovulation to think about/obsess about and no periods. No monthly reminder of how my biological clock is still ticking away and that I’m missing opportunities each month. I don’t want to be hurt or insulted by my body anymore. I have weighted up the pro’s and cons of the pill versus the injection and believe the injection is the way to go for me.

Of course, I do reserve the right to change my mind at any given point before I hit the BIG 40 and consider maybe doing an IVF of a DE IVF but so what? Everything about an IVF is so manipulated anyway that I battle to see how being on the injection prior would make any bit of difference.

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21 Comments

  • Reply Elana Kahn

    You may want to ask the RE about the shot and if it does anything to future IVF or DE IVF cycles (should you choose to have them). I was on the shot for a few years and my body was *way* messed up afterward, so I’m not sure if even the IVF meds would make up for that. Also, you might have to wait 3 months or more after your last shot in order to do a cycle. It’s an awesome option, but just be aware in case you do decide to come off of it. Also, some women have weird bleeding when they first start the shot, but it generally sorts itself out by 3 months. Hopefully you’ll be like me and just stop periods immediately. 😀

    October 30, 2009 at 6:34 am
  • Reply K

    I can hear the liberation in your voice 🙂

    October 30, 2009 at 7:30 am
  • Reply Abs

    I get the idea behind it Shaz and it does not sound insane at all. Peace of mind is so hard to find these days and if going on the pill will help you feel in control again and enable you to live life again then do it. xx

    October 30, 2009 at 8:01 am
  • Reply Adel

    Sounds like a plan!

    October 30, 2009 at 8:20 am
  • Reply Dee

    I dont think thats such a crazy idea. I know when Im on the pill I feel far more relaxed, I know when Af is due and also that there is no chance of a pregnancy. Go for it!!

    October 30, 2009 at 8:42 am
  • Reply sassy

    I’m with the others, I don’t think this is crazy at all either, and I think it really is something only you can decide. When we do the treatments, the one thing we can control is whether we continue or not, likewise, after reading about all these terrible losses you’ve had to go through, I can say it makes a lot of sense, if that is what you feel is right for you. I wish you the best. xoxo

    October 30, 2009 at 9:10 am
  • Reply Lesley

    It does sound horrific at first but if you feel you need a total break then maybe it would be a good thing. Definitly agree with Elana though and consult with doc as to best option.

    October 30, 2009 at 9:57 am
  • Reply Sandy

    Congrats, Sharon! We used to do mini-breaks during our ttc journey and mostly because it was important to me that af not arrive during our Caribbean vacation each year. Two months of knowing that I didn’t have to temp or anything was glorious. When we officially stopped ttc I went on b/c for six months just to give me a rest. Other than potential hormone side effects you’re going to love getting off the rollercoaster. No 2ww! No temptation to poas.

    It’s a hard decision to make and as you and others have said, there’s no reason you can’t change your mind in the future. Congratulations on having the strength to make a difficult decision.

    October 30, 2009 at 11:52 am
  • Reply Sabine

    Hi, Hope you don’t mind me putting my 2c in, but please please please don’t do the injection. It is the worst thing I ever did to my body, and after all you have been through I suspect it will be the same for you. The side effects are just shocking, and once that bloody stuff is in you, you just have to ride it out, no turning back. Please email me if you want to ask anything about it. Wishing you all the very best. xxx

    October 30, 2009 at 1:14 pm
  • Reply SCY

    It does make perfect sense, but I would also chat with the RE about how the injection can possibly mess your body up (you know we’ve discussed this extensively yesterday) then make a decision on which method of bcp you wish to move forward with.

    Here for you always.

    xxxx

    October 30, 2009 at 1:25 pm
  • Reply Katherine

    Have you considered a Mirena? They last 5 years, pretty much take your period away and don’t make you put on weight like the injection does.

    October 30, 2009 at 1:33 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      I hadn’t considered the Merina actually, I didn’t know it stopped period. So its definitely an option then! Will ask Dr G about it!

      October 30, 2009 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Denise

    I stopped “trying” about a year ago and every month I do still think maybe there will be some miracle even though I know that without an FS and a lab nothing is possible!

    Good decision – whichever route you end up taking!

    October 30, 2009 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    I think, if it gives you peace of mind, that this is a wonderful idea.

    I used Mirena and the only downside of it for me is it took quite a while for my cycle to regulate completely after I had it removed.

    October 30, 2009 at 2:51 pm
  • Reply loribeth

    I totally understand. The IF counsellor dh & I saw suggested that if we really felt we done with ttc, we should go on birth control, crazy at it sounded. I saw the logic, but for a little while, anyway, I WAS hoping for that “miracle” pregnancy. Also, I had been on the pill for 13 years before ttc so I didn’t want to do that again. And neither of us wanted to do anything too invasive either. We eventually reached a sort of compromise solution that works for us.

    I know THIS sounds weird, but I’m looking forward to menopause, because then I KNOW I’m truly done with the whole thing. :p

    Here’s a post I wrote on the subject awhile back.

    http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/2008/07/unspoken-question-about-childlessfree.html

    Good luck finding something that works for you!

    October 30, 2009 at 2:58 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    I am a conspiracy theorist and I honestly believe the pill is what started all our infertility in the first place. It suppresses our hormone production and could well be carried over from our mother’s bodies into our own. anyway, that’s just my opinion. It is evil. HOWEVER. Plse try go for the lesser of two evils and not the injection. I agree you need to know that you will not fall pregnant again until you know what your next step is. I have decided to only worry about another procedure when I am 40 but still I know when I am supposed to be ovulating… not that i ever do. it just never leaves you… try the mirena. great idea. do as little as possible… just in case.

    October 30, 2009 at 3:46 pm
  • Reply Paula

    I agree, stay away from injectables if at all possible, they mess up your hormones a lot, and causes weight gain amongst others. I have seen women struggling for 18 months to get their cycles back to normal after stopping injectables. The Mirena is a great option. All the best!

    October 30, 2009 at 4:18 pm
  • Reply Amy

    What about BCPs that let you skip your period, or only have them a few times a year? You basically just take the active pills back-to-back.

    I think starting bcps is an excellent idea and a good way to put TTC behind you for as long as you choose to let it stay there.

    October 31, 2009 at 12:09 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Can’t advise you on which is best as I’ve never had the injection or the Merina. But I know that you will do what is best for you and if it gives you peace of mind then that is what is important. Hugs as always!!!

    October 31, 2009 at 1:04 am
  • Reply Kirsty

    I have the mirena…. I love it and hate it at the same time! Love it as I have no periods (saves a fortune in tampons ;-))
    Hate it as it took a long time for me to settle on it (almost 2 years) and then it only has a 5 yr shelf life…

    October 31, 2009 at 8:38 am
  • Reply C

    It certainly does give you a measure of peace and a break from the insanity of the “what if I am……..” questions. I was on the pill for more than 6 months after the loss of my twins and I must say it helped me. I think Mirena or the pill will be a better option to the injection.

    October 31, 2009 at 11:44 am
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