So We Had THE Talk – The Big Book Of Sex And My Body

Posted in Parenting by

Do you remember when your parents/parent sat you down and had THE talk? 

I do! And it was horrid! And I was mortified and I just simply refused to believe that that was how babies were made for the longest time!

Curiosity….

Ava has been curious for a while now. I’ve wanted to tell her but my husband has sort of been putting the breaks on this conversation. She’s asked a lot of questions about how babies are made and we’ve sort of glossed over them but she’s a smart cookie, so it’s been obvious by her reactions that she knows we’re not telling her the whole story.

Then….

Last weekend, she told my mom she’s kissed a boy, on the lips at school. She then went on to tell her cousin. I had a little chat with her about it. Ok, I lie, I completely overreacted at hearing this story and told her she was too young to be doing things like that with boys and I was going to tell her dad and he was going to be angry.

Big Parenting FAIL right there!

I knew the moment the words left my mouth I’d made a terrible mistake! And this proved to be true because as soon as she saw her dad, she told him she’s been only joking and it wasn’t true. Of course, being a Daddy’s girl, he now believes 100% that she was just joking. I, on the other hand, believe I put the fear of God in her when I told her I was going to tell her Dad and so she backed up and changed the story. Again, total FAIL on my part.

But this was finally the point where my husband agreed it was time to have THE talk!

A friend of mine loaned me her copy of The Big Book Of Sex & My Body.

And after browsing through it, and almost dying at telling my child these things, like this for example:

I bit the bullet and decided to treat it as a band aid and just rip it off and get it over with.

The book is described as:

The big book about sex and my body is at the same time a guide for parents on how to answer uncomfortable questions. It is a gentle and clear way of informing the young ones about these sensitive issues. The book deals with subjects such as love and sexual relationships, the anatomical differences between girls and boys, body changes during adolescence, fertilization, pregnancy and birth and wrong beliefs about sex. The excellent, fun illustrations will help children to get to know themselves and others by learning about the physiological and personal differences that make us unique.

And it was a great guide into the conversation. What I loved is that is explained everything in the most anatomically correct way throughout, but easily so a child can understand. It has cute relatable images and is divided up into sections so you don’t need to cover the entire book in one sitting. And it gives a recap of each section in a fun story format at the start of each chapter so your child is reminded of what they’ve already learned as you move from chapter to chapter. Starting with how boys and girls develop differently as teens, covering menstruation, intercourse, pregnancy and birth.

So how did the talk go?

Well Ava was fascinated. I loved her enthusiasm to learn and understand. She was so perfectly innocent and asked lots of questions along the way. Sweetly raising her hand each time she wanted to ask me something else. I love that she doesn’t have any of the hang ups yet that so many of us struggle with, so she was especially interested in the diagram of the female genitals and learning all the different parts and how they all worked.

When I explained the intercourse bit, she told me it’s disgusting and then wanted to know if her Dad and I do that and then she seemed quite disgusted to find out that we do. At the end of the book, she told me that she wants to have a baby one day, when she’s a grown up, but that she doesn’t want to have intercourse to make a baby because that’s “gross”. 

There were other questions too.

About my infertility and miscarriages, she seemed really sad to learn that I’d lost 7 babies through miscarriage and even more sad when I showed her the pictures of 4, 6 and 8 week fetuses and how I’d lost babies all during that phase.

I was actually really surprised and impressed with how she handled the whole conversation, her questions and thought that went into the chat and reading through the book.

I have explained to her that I’m having this conversation with her now, because she’s a big girl and I trust her with this information and I trust that she won’t tell her little sister, that we’ll tell her ourselves when the time comes.

And that was that.

The whole thing was much easier than I thought it was going to be, I think I was more traumatized by the conversation than she was and she went right back to playing with her toys afterwards.

Have you had the chat with your kids? How did it?

April 18, 2017
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18 Comments

  • Reply Caroline

    I have to get that book… I am soooo dreading having this conversation with my son & daughter. I never got a talk or anything from my parents… I learned in STD 5 with the nurses video (boys & girls in the same room = mortifying)… and that was that!!

    April 18, 2017 at 8:51 am
    • Reply Sharon

      It’s not nearly as bad as you think it’s going to be! Pinky promise!

      April 18, 2017 at 10:45 am
  • Reply moonstormer

    You should be so proud of yourself, and your smart and compassionate little girl! I think it’s so important to have the conversation early, and often – to answer any new questions that come up and make it a normal thing to talk about so that she can come to you if she hears things at school or is pressured to do something. So much better to ensure she gets the information from you rather than randoms at school!
    Out of curiosity, does the book touch on consent at all? It’s something I’m wanting to make sure Harley understands now that she happily gives everyone kisses – that just because someone asks for a kiss doesn’t mean she has to give one if she doesn’t want to, etc etc.

    April 18, 2017 at 9:29 am
    • Reply Sharon

      The book doesn’t have a specific section on consent, but it does talk about consent the entire way through.

      April 18, 2017 at 10:43 am
  • Reply Taryn

    How old is Ava? My daughter is 6 and a little curious. Need help deciding what age is the best age for this talk.

    April 18, 2017 at 9:57 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Ava turned 7 in December. She’s been curious for a while and we just couldn’t put it off any more.

      April 18, 2017 at 10:05 am
  • Reply Ronnae Elliott

    My daughter is only 8 weeks. How old is Ava when you told her and where can I get that book

    April 18, 2017 at 2:50 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Ava is 7 and a half. She has been curious for about a year now so finally plucked up the courage to tell her.

      April 18, 2017 at 2:53 pm
  • Reply sadelee

    Thanks for sharing! This books very informative. I’m glad I still have a good couple of years till I get to the talk.

    April 18, 2017 at 3:17 pm
  • Melinda Connor
    Reply Melinda Connor

    I don’t believe we should be having THE talk, instead it should be an ongoing conversation as and when questions come up. I wrote a post about it last year (Sharon please feel free to delete the link)

    https://diairesofawhitemomraisingablackbaby.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/about-clitorises-your-daughter-and-sex/

    April 18, 2017 at 3:40 pm
    • The Blessed Barrenness
      Reply The Blessed Barrenness

      Yes, of course it’s an ongoing conversations, I actually alluded to that in my post. This was more of an introduction for her and she’s been asking me questions for days ever since.

      April 18, 2017 at 3:45 pm
  • Reply Natalie

    Books are great. I got my daughter Girl Stuff by Kaz Cooke when she was about 12. It made it easier for her to bring stuff up because she can refer to the book and roll her eyes in pretense.

    April 18, 2017 at 4:01 pm
  • Reply Rolene

    Thank you for this honest post. I am glad we still have some years before it is time for our talk with my sons. It seems as if the children get more “mature” (can’t think of a better word now, sorry) at an earlier age. Maybe it is the technology?

    April 19, 2017 at 11:15 am
    • Reply Sharon

      I’m not sure hey. My mom gave me the talk when I was about Ava’s age too. I just feel it is so important for protecting them and empowering them, to have these open ended discussions.

      April 19, 2017 at 11:29 am
  • Reply belindamountain

    We need to have this talk soon too (Rachel is about to turn 7)! thanks for the very useful info…

    April 19, 2017 at 11:58 am
  • Reply Shaveh

    My Girls are now 9 and 7. I started chatting to them about their bodies and where babies come from when they were 3 and 5. I dug deep when my oldest was 6 and waited until my second one was 6 as well. I continuously chat to them about it, casually bringing it up and making it feel like a special chat they can freely ask me whatever they want to, whenever they feel curious or are seeking the truth about it. One thing I did learn early, is to remind them that it’s a conversation that isn’t shared with friends and that if friends ask, they should tell them to talk to their mommies or daddies. I accidentally did the same as you did when I told the older one to keep it away from her sister, but then she went and giggled her way through a conversation with her friend who hadn’t heard about it yet. Luckily it was a family friend and it was ok – but I would suggest bringing that into your chats so that she know’s it’s a family thing and not a free for all. That’s my 2 cents 😀

    April 19, 2017 at 9:57 pm
  • Reply Modern Zulu Mom Blog (@modernzulumom)

    I’ve had the talk with my 8 years old is small stages over the last two years – also started when he asked when I would have another baby and HOW. It’s often a taboo topic in the African community, hence I never had the talk with my own parents, but I see how important it is to change that with my own children. Cringing just thinking about it, but I think I need to dig deeper and open up in more detail. Thanks for the inspo!

    April 20, 2017 at 10:13 am
  • Reply Gillian Hattingh

    I need to have the talk with Riley, she is 9 now and has never really asked any questions. It’s seems about time now because as she gets older she is becoming more exposed. Where can I get the book from?

    April 22, 2017 at 2:03 pm
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