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The Nature Of The Beast

The beast being infertility! Its odd, my IF journey has changed me in many many ways, one of the oddest is that it has made me surprisingly superstitious, something I never was before. I was also always an optimist, now I think I’m somewhere in the middle, not overly optimistic but not overly pessimistic. I mean if I was a pessimist I wouldn’t keep going at this now would I? I like to think I’m a realist, nicely stuck in the middle of the two, I have hope and optimism touched with a hint of realism, learning that things don’t always work out as we optimistically hope that they will, I guess I’ve learned this from falling onto the wrong side of the stats one too many times.

So in T-12 days I will be starting FET #1 and the optimist in me is hopeful. The optimist in me is saying that sooner or later, the dice will roll in my favour and I will win the gamble, the optimist in me sees all the recent BFP’s and particularly those coming from FET’s and believes that this is going to be it for me to.

The realist in me knows that to think like that is scary, to think like that, I set up myself up for heartbreak if this cycle fails, to think like that sets in motion months of emotional recovery. The realist in me wants to be the optimist but is afraid.

The pessimist in me brings out the superstition in me, the superstition tells me that the winning streak of all these BFP’s has to end somewhere, and my past experience has taught me that the winning streak has often ended with me. The superstitious pessimist in me is very afraid of what may lie ahead.

But the optimist in me is winning hands down today! The optimist in me is jumping for joy as yet another of my friends crosses over to the other side. Please head on over to Conceive This and giving loads of love and congratulations to Cindy, who found out today that she too is pregnant from FET #!

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16 Comments

  • Reply Stacey

    Oh, how I’m hoping that this will be your time. Keeping everything crossed & sending you hugs & prayers!

    August 28, 2009 at 8:04 am
  • Reply Melanie

    Good luck for your upcoming FET, i hope everything will go well. Will be praying that you get a BFP.

    August 28, 2009 at 8:07 am
  • Reply Lea White

    I had one song jumping up in my mind when I read this post:

    Some say love, it is a river
    that drowns the tender reed.
    Some say love, it is a razor
    that leaves your soul to bleed.
    Some say love, it is a hunger,
    an endless aching need.
    I say love, it is a flower,
    and you its only seed.

    It’s the heart afraid of breaking
    that never learns to dance.
    It’s the dream afraid of waking
    that never takes the chance.
    It’s the one who won’t be taken,
    who cannot seem to give,
    and the soul afraid of dyin’
    that never learns to live.

    When the night has been too lonely
    and the road has been too long,
    and you think that love is only
    for the lucky and the strong,
    just remember in the winter
    far beneath the bitter snows
    lies the seed that with the sun’s love
    in the spring becomes the rose.

    Tell the pessimist in you to “shut up” as in Simple Plan and push it to the side. You deserve to give the optimist in you a chance to fill you with excitement, to savour the moment, to become the “rose”.

    Prayers, thoughts, lots and lots of hugs!!!

    August 28, 2009 at 8:36 am
  • Reply Abs

    I totally know what you mean about feeling that the winning streak always end when it gets to your turn. I’ll be praying for you that this time is different and that you get to join in the winning streak too! See you later my friend!

    August 28, 2009 at 9:12 am
  • Reply Amanda

    Wow! 12 days to go, it’s getting close very fast now! I’m really hoping that fet#1 will be the only one you’ll do!

    August 28, 2009 at 9:19 am
  • Reply Rach

    Good luck I truly hope that this is your time…

    xxx

    August 28, 2009 at 9:51 am
  • Reply Cindy

    Hoping against hopes it’s your time, Sharon. I am. Thank you.

    August 28, 2009 at 11:34 am
  • Reply Elize

    I believe that the worrior woman you are will beat this thing, and I hope and pray that you will continue the winning streak!

    August 28, 2009 at 11:40 am
  • Reply Jenny

    Sharon! Maritza, Cindy and every single woman I know is pregnant. Isn’t that amazing? It’s your turn next. I know it. And I know everything 😉

    August 28, 2009 at 11:47 am
  • Reply sassy

    I really, really hope that you will have your BFP and your beautiful baby in your arms in several months. I know, it’s so hard to hope, to believe that this is going to happen. I’m so glad you’re having your FET. I can’t wait to hear the results.

    August 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm
  • Reply Sian

    Really hoping and praying for you friend!

    August 28, 2009 at 12:02 pm
  • Reply SCY

    The optimist in ME says it’s your time too 😉

    xxx

    August 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    I am definitely hoping and praying that you get to join the BFP party.

    Isn’t the news over at Conceive This INCREDIBLE?

    August 28, 2009 at 1:28 pm
  • Reply Beautiful Mess

    HAPPY ICLW!

    I am in awe of your realistic mind. My mind can’t work that way, I ALWAYS find the silver linings and I always find my hopes dashed. But then, I find the silver lining in THAT! It’s a vicious circle in my head, and not much fun.

    I am hoping, praying, and wishing for you to get your BFP. You deserve your silver lining. The one where you don’t have to squint to see it, because it’s SO huge!
    *HUGS*

    August 28, 2009 at 9:08 pm
  • Reply Mrs. Gamgee

    crossing my fingers and praying real hard that this cycle is the one that puts the superstitions to rest. Cling to your optimism!

    August 29, 2009 at 6:53 am
  • Reply Invivo

    Go Sharon! *Waving pom poms*

    Time is closing in, take good care of yourself!

    xxx

    August 30, 2009 at 6:33 pm
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