The beast being infertility! Its odd, my IF journey has changed me in many many ways, one of the oddest is that it has made me surprisingly superstitious, something I never was before. I was also always an optimist, now I think I’m somewhere in the middle, not overly optimistic but not overly pessimistic. I mean if I was a pessimist I wouldn’t keep going at this now would I? I like to think I’m a realist, nicely stuck in the middle of the two, I have hope and optimism touched with a hint of realism, learning that things don’t always work out as we optimistically hope that they will, I guess I’ve learned this from falling onto the wrong side of the stats one too many times.
So in T-12 days I will be starting FET #1 and the optimist in me is hopeful. The optimist in me is saying that sooner or later, the dice will roll in my favour and I will win the gamble, the optimist in me sees all the recent BFP’s and particularly those coming from FET’s and believes that this is going to be it for me to.
The realist in me knows that to think like that is scary, to think like that, I set up myself up for heartbreak if this cycle fails, to think like that sets in motion months of emotional recovery. The realist in me wants to be the optimist but is afraid.
The pessimist in me brings out the superstition in me, the superstition tells me that the winning streak of all these BFP’s has to end somewhere, and my past experience has taught me that the winning streak has often ended with me. The superstitious pessimist in me is very afraid of what may lie ahead.
But the optimist in me is winning hands down today! The optimist in me is jumping for joy as yet another of my friends crosses over to the other side. Please head on over to Conceive This and giving loads of love and congratulations to Cindy, who found out today that she too is pregnant from FET #!