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The Plan…

So, there has been much discussion surrounding the bomb Walter dropped on me on Saturday. I think its understandable that aside from being a little shocked by his sudden change of heart, I’m also very apprehensive about the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I really want a second child, but I seriously cannot face going back to the way things were, certainly not for any extended period of time. I’ve enjoyed the past 5 months, never knowing when I’m ovulating, never knowing what cycle day I’m on, never knowing when AF is due. There has been so much freedom in that, not thinking about the “maybe this month…” or the pressure to perform even when neither of us is in the mood, cos you know, I’m ovulating and all that….

The fact of the matter is, that the whole don’t think about it and it will happen, I believe is utter bullshit. How can you not think about it. How can you not count your cycle days to make sure you have intercourse on the right days, how can you not think about the days in the lead up to AF, search for and analyze every possible symptom, simply put, you cannot, or rather I cannot just not think about it. Oh Lord, the thought of going back to that makes me feel quite positively sick!

But Walter wants to try, he wants to test the theory of… cringe… don’t stone me now… If you just relax it will happen! He wants to see if now that the pressure is off to have a child, if things won’t be somehow easier. If, now that we’re not stressed about never having a child, that things could potentially be different. And for his sake I have to try. So this is what we’ve agreed to. We will, for the next 7 months, try naturally. If, by some miracle I fall pregnant in that time and miscarry again, then we will call it quits. If by some miracle, I fall pregnant and everything works out, then we’ll have our second child. After all, I do believe in miracles! 🙂

However, if nothing happens, in spite of all the trying and obsessing and pee’ing on sticks, then in January 2011, we will arrange to meet with our social workers and put our names down for baby no. 2. It should be a simpler process the second time around as we’ve done all the screening and profiling and that should still all be on record. We’ll probably just have to re-do our profile now that we’re no longer childless. I know a while ago, I let you in on my secret plan for a second child and at the time I said I wanted to specify with the social workers that we wanted another girl. Well, we’ve had sometime to think about that and have decided against that. For one thing, it could potentially make the wait for a second child longer and secondly, I don’t want to play God in my own life, I’ll leave that decision in God’s hands and let him choose the perfect child for us.

Of course, I’ve always maintained that I’d be happy with one child, and while we have this plan in place, the simple fact of the matter is that a second child could just not be on the cards of us and all of our planning could be for nothing. We could not conceive in the next 7 months and we could not be selected by a birth mum for another adopted child. And our plans to emigrate are still very much on the cards and should nothing have happened within the next 2 or so years, we’ll have to retract our profile as we’re hoping to be emigrating by that time.

And that will be just fine as well, while I know I may be disappointed should my hope for a second child not come to fruition, I know how truly blessed we are to have the most incredible little girl as part of our lives and that will still be enough for me.

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21 Comments

  • Reply lea2109

    All the way behind you Sharon! Things will work out as it is meant to.

    May 4, 2010 at 6:03 am
  • Reply niseysmusings

    the things we do for our other halves! in truth though, much as i moan and say i’m doing another ivf for him only, if i’m completely honest with myself my main reason is because i still want to know how it feels to be pregnant! its just easier to blame the insanity on H…

    7 months isn’t a long time and at least in both of your hearts you will know that you did everything you could – whatever the outcome.

    May 4, 2010 at 6:59 am
  • Reply ksmind

    I loved your line about ‘don’t think about it and it will happen’ is utter bullshit – I laughed out loud – g-d that is SO true for me!! Thinking of you.. here’s to another miracle 🙂

    May 4, 2010 at 7:05 am
  • Reply thebinges

    Supporting you with my pom poms from the side lines 100%. Don’t think about it and it happens is indeed utter bullshit, but I can tell you that at some point you do just stop counting, peeing obssesively and testing CM… or maybe that’s just me. I woke up to my alarm screaming at me one morning, reached over for the themometer and thought screw it, Jordan is still sleeping, and I’m tired and done. Now we have fun for the erm, fun of it, and if there’s a miracle waiting for us, then so be it, otherwise it’s back on that horrible treatment wagon in August 🙂

    May 4, 2010 at 10:56 am
  • Reply dee

    All I can say is good luck and I will be here 100% for you regardless of how things turn out. xxx

    May 4, 2010 at 10:57 am
  • Reply skrambled

    So, actually the plan ensures that there will be a second child! I think its a good one.

    May 4, 2010 at 11:45 am
  • Reply rvdmerwe

    What a great plan! I am sure you will find that it wont be as stressful this time around, as you already have that darling little angel of yours. You will be counting days and waiting for AF, but surely not as frantically as the last few years? Sending you lots of love.

    May 4, 2010 at 11:54 am
  • Reply shirl34

    A huge Good luck Sharon, I sincerely hope it all works out for you guys. Will be holding thumbs.

    xxx

    May 4, 2010 at 12:36 pm
  • Reply shirl34

    PS: Good grief, lolz..what odd little pics..That little profile pic looks like I’m a germ of some kind that just met with the jik!!
    Wierd. 🙂 lol.

    May 4, 2010 at 12:39 pm
  • Reply wheresmybun

    Hey hon, good luck with TTC again, I sincerely hope and pray that it works out for you, I will be rooting for you! I believe in my heart that you will be blessed again with a miracle child!

    May 4, 2010 at 1:27 pm
  • Reply mayflowerladybugs

    Good luck Sharon. I must say, I never believed in that ‘just relax’ line, BUT that is the way I got pregnant this last time. My beta levels never matched my cycle days so I ovulated when not suspecting it, and we had ‘casual unprotected BD’ and there I was. Knocked up. But then, I truly wasn’t thinking of getting pregnant, although I played around with saliva ferning (got a handy microscope at work), I never did temps and I never even had the CM. I really think that the fact that we have kids made a lot of difference, so i am hoping t does for you too. We’ll go back to doing nothing much after I sort out this little situation and then we’ll see. xxx

    May 4, 2010 at 2:00 pm
  • Reply bratty37

    I think you have a good plan…
    Wishing you all the best

    May 4, 2010 at 4:08 pm
  • Reply Mash

    oh wow! OK that answers my question below. I wish you strength, so much strength. And maybe, I mean, here’s a real novel idea, you could try without the obsessing parts, like no OPK’s or HPT’s? Not that I would have that kind of strength of character myself.

    Looking forward to this next part of your journey!!!

    May 4, 2010 at 4:32 pm
  • Reply samcy

    Sounds like a good solid plan. Hope it all ends in your second baby!

    xxx

    May 4, 2010 at 5:35 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    Hope it all works out for you Sharon. You have already seen how God can work and make miracles happen, so stand by for another one that maybe not exactly as you had planned. I’m sure God has a sense of humour when he watches us human’s planning our lives so carefully.

    May 4, 2010 at 5:44 pm
  • Reply jahni

    Hi Sharon,
    The (eternal) optimist says GO FOR IT. I pray it works out!!

    May 4, 2010 at 8:12 pm
  • Reply yvettene

    Wishing you and W all the best,you will have baby number 2 one or another.

    May 4, 2010 at 8:26 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    I think that you have a good, practical plan. All the best..x
    Julia

    May 4, 2010 at 8:37 pm
  • Reply zamom

    It is so clear that God sent Ava to you, so I reckon He has something up His sleeve, if I He would tell us so we’d be in on the plan and could relax a little bit. I would love for Ava to have a sibling and I pray with my whole heart that it all works out in the not too distant future.

    May 5, 2010 at 8:05 am
  • Reply tanyakov

    I think it’s a great idea, and you never quite know. “Stranger” things have happened… Hoping for the best, and a sibling for gorgeous Ava!

    May 6, 2010 at 8:48 am
  • Reply kirstymac72

    fark! I have been v. busy and not reading blogs… so am catching up! Epic news…. I trust all will work out for the best x-x

    May 10, 2010 at 9:50 pm
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