The Ties That Bind – When A Birth Mother & Adoptive Mother Love Each Other

We have what is termed a medium/closed adoption. What that means is that we have limited, indirect contact with our birth mother. Each year on Ava’s birthday she sends Ava a birthday message via our Social Worker and we message her on special days like mothers day etc.

I’ve blogged before that the most surprising thing to come of our adoption journey is the very special bond that I have with Ava’s birth mom.  From the moment we met there was something deeply familiar about her, like somehow this was our shared destiny, we were always meant to share this journey together, like our souls were always destined to meet and through happiness and grief, we would be bound together.

As the weeks became months and the months became years, as Ava went from a tiny new born to a cheeky, flourishing little girl, I have found my bond to Ava’s birth mom growing stronger  and not weaker.  I have longed to talk to her, I have ached to know how she is doing, to share little anecdotes with her about Ava, she is always with me as I am sure, she carries a piece of me with her always.

I’ve always harboured a secret hope that she read my blog, that she’d be proud of the job we’re doing as Ava’s parents. Then on the 22nd of January, I wrote this blog post: Dear *I* – The Ties That Bind Us. Our social worker, who we are both friends with on Face Book shared that specific post on her wall.

I only noticed now, after receiving a message from our SW on FB this morning and browsing her wall, but the very next day, after my ties that bind us post, that Ava’s birth mom posted this picture to our SW’s FB wall, with the following message:

“To Sharon & Little Ava…. I love you lots!”

I Picture
There are no words that can express how much that means to me. How much this will mean to Ava when she’s old enough to understand, when she’s old enough to appreciate how special the bond is between her birth mom and I and between all of us as a very unique family of 4 – two mom’s and a dad.
Today I am once again reminded of how blessed I am, what a blessing our angel is to our family. How none of this would be possible without her, not just me being a mother and Walter being a father, but so very much more than just that.


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  • Reply Sian

    Oh my word! Shivers!

    February 7, 2013 at 10:42 am
  • Reply The ties that bind | Immeasurable LoveImmeasurable Love

    […] Sharon’s post really touched my heart today. It made me think about our birth mom and how much love I have for her. I found myself with a lump in my throat and got all teary when I thought about how absolutely precious the connection is between a birth mom and adoptive mom. We will forever be linked together in a spiritual kind of way. And I agree with Sharon when she says that somehow we were supposed to cross paths, it was destiny. […]

    February 7, 2013 at 2:22 pm
  • Reply sophie

    I share your feelings…. As I was putting my sick toddler-baby to sleep today, I was thinking about Z’s birthmum and realized that it has taken us a long, long time to build a family. In retrospect, no wonder cause we are now a multicultural-multiracial family of much more than 3 people …. !
    We know nothing of each other and we have no stories to tell to our little Z about her birth mum, but deep in my heart I feel I know her and let her know all is well ….
    It is really much bigger than our little-limited-individual-selves ….

    February 10, 2013 at 12:34 am
  • Reply Julia

    Absolutely beautiful and so very moving. x

    February 19, 2013 at 5:05 am
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