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Thinking About Our Beautiful Birth Mom

Our final adoption order, as well as Ava’s original birth certificate were delivered to my office yesterday afternoon. I was overcome with joy, I’m quite sure everyone I work with thinks I’m crazy because I started to cry as I was opening the envelope.

Our adoption experience has turned out to be nothing like I expected it to be. I, like everyone out there, was full of preconceived ideas about adoption and birth mom’s and adopted children, prior to experiencing its unique magic. One of the things I didn’t anticipate was the depth of the love that both myself and Walter have developed for our beautiful birth mom through this process.

Yesterday, when I was going through the paperwork, the last page was Ava’s original, unabridged birth certificate, including the full name and ID number of her birth mom. I never anticipated that seeing that would make my heartache so intensely for her.

We will start the the long process of applying for Ava’s name change and issuing of her new birth certificate within the next week. If all goes to plan, within a few months, legally, every trace that Ava’s beautiful birth mom was ever part of her life will be removed, her records have been sealed at the department of Social Development and when the new birth certificate arrives, legally speaking, it will be as if she never existed in Ava’s life. That thought alone hurts my  heart in ways I cannot describe, I have tears in my eyes and I’m holding back the sobs just thinking about it. I hurt for Ava’s birth mom, that through her beautiful gift of love she would have to sacrifice so much. I hurt for Ava’s part too.

But all of this has once again renewed and reminded me of my determination to ensure that Ava’s birth mom’s memory lives forever with Ava. That Ava will always know the truth about her birth mom, that she will always know the beauty of her birth mom, of what she gave up, of what she sacrficed and of what she put herself through because of the deep, unselfish love she had for her unborn child.

Today my heart is both happy and sad, such a weird weird feeling!

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14 Comments

  • Reply fionads

    I have a lump in my throat reading this. I hope Ava’s birth mom all the best for the future and I’m sure she has no doubt that you’ll take the very best care of Ava. Ava is blessed to have such wonderful parents!

    October 8, 2010 at 11:00 am
  • Reply lindasjournal

    I am so incredibly happy for you!!! Ava is a special girl with very special parents.

    October 8, 2010 at 11:04 am
  • Reply Nisey

    Sharon I understand completely. Obviously with us fostering Jaden our situation is different and on the one hand i am so grateful that she hasn’t requested visitations but on the other hand i feel so sad that both BM and Jaden will never know each other. It makes us more determined than ever to do whatever we can to give him the best life possible. As Im sure you feel with Ava

    October 8, 2010 at 11:31 am
  • Reply Mash

    Does that mean that potentially a child could be adopted and never, ever know about it because the records are sealed?

    October 8, 2010 at 12:11 pm
  • Reply tiina1977

    Shoe, it must be such a bittersweet feeling for you. We were also blown away by all that we were told about birthmoms in general, that they are not druggies and irresponsible women who do not care about their babies but on the contrary, angels walking on earth who have only the best interests of their babies at heart. I cannot wait for our journey to lead us to where you and Walter and Ava are now.

    October 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm
  • Reply tzipieastwest

    I do not know what to say. It must be bitter-sweet, happy-sad … so I just send you a warm ((hugs)) and trust that you will make the best, for Ava, Walter and you, and the birthmum and that you will make sense out of this conflicting emotions.

    October 8, 2010 at 1:08 pm
  • Reply wheresmybun

    I am so so so so glad you’ve gotten your final adoption papers!!! Yay!!!! I take my hat off to her birth mum, and I know that she’s so very very blessed to have you and walter as her parents. (((hugs)))

    October 8, 2010 at 1:54 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    Bittersweet. Such a beautifully written post.
    I wish BM all the best for her future. May she find love in her life. And peace. And joy. And fulfillment in every aspect of her life…x

    October 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm
  • Reply little29

    I cant imagine how you must be feeling right now….the emotions you are writing about are almost tangible – I am sure that the BM must be feeling peace in the fact that you and W are Ava’s parents – you were always meant to be her parents……. I wish the BM all the love that life has to offer her for giving you the love of your life.

    October 8, 2010 at 9:22 pm
  • Reply livinglifelarge

    I can “feel” your heart for Ava’s birth mom. Sending you a huge hug!

    October 9, 2010 at 12:38 am
  • Reply pandoragelb

    This is bringing back a lot of emotions for me too. The BM’s gave us this amazing gift. We can only thank them by doing our very best for our children. No other thank you can ever be big enough.
    That is one amazing document though, I was sooooo happy to get it.

    PS, Yes, Mash, you are not obliged to tell your child they are adopted, so you could keep it secret. But I think it would be so damaging if they found out from someone els, because usually there are family members etc that know, and someone might let something slip. In any case, our child is of a different race group, so we already tell her, although she does not understand yet. I want the words to be part of her life, not to be sprung on her one day.

    October 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm
  • Reply Hanneke C

    WOW I admire all (as in BM, W & you) involved in this adoption process. I suppose until reading your blog I took pregnancy/having babies for granted! Thanks for given me perspective from the ‘other’ side!

    October 10, 2010 at 7:37 am
  • Reply nolene123

    Ava is exactly where and with whom she should be. This post proved just that.

    October 11, 2010 at 7:02 am
  • Reply hollielee5

    Your compassion for the Birth Mother is inspirational. You have such a huge heart, Sharon.

    October 12, 2010 at 3:38 pm
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