Laura blogged this morning about whether or not she was sad that her baby factory was closed after the birth of her 4th baby a couple of weeks ago. It reminded me of a conversation I had about a week ago with one of our social workers.
She called me early on Saturday morning and knocked my socks off ….. discussing the possibility of placing a baby boy with us.
My heart skipped a beat and for about 0.00005th of a second I actually seriously considered it. But then I remembered… I’m an infertile in recovery. I have two children, I actually DON’T want any more and so I politely (read shouted are you crazy) asked her to close our file and never ever tempt me with more spawn again.
I think each parent has a limit where they feel complete, fulfilled, enough by the number of children they have. For some that figure is one, for some two or three or four or more. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here, I just think to each his own. For me, the number is definitely two. I don’t want any more children.
I can’t imagine going back to have a tiny baby again, I don’t want to. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I am SO over babies I battle to even find other people’s wrinkly, little old men looking baby’s cute. I don’t want to go back to sleepless nights, constipation, collic, sensory disorders, post placement stress, all the milestones, first smile, first laugh, sitting unaided, standing crawling, walking. It now holds ZERO appeal for me. None. Niks. Nada. They say baby’s get easier as they grow up, I respectfully disagree, for me anyway, it’s hasn’t gotten easier, it’s just gotten different. The work load is massive, coordinating everyone’s schedules is already a mare in our two income home and Hannah hasn’t even started school or extra murals yet.
That aside, I struggle to imagine how we could possibly afford to raise more children? Education is expensive, quality education even more so. Again, each to his own, different parents have different priorities. Some people believe all a child needs is love, but I want to give my girls more than that. I want to give them love and education and travel and opportunity and to explore their talents and to throw the door wide open to possibly for them and being the realist that I am, I know these things cost money.
All I kept thinking during the conversation with our social worker, was not what another baby, a boy at that, would be adding to our family, but rather, what I’d be taking away from my girls were we to add to our family. We can’t afford to put 3 children through private schooling, gah, we can barely afford to put two through private schooling. Then there is extra murals and university and all of things cost money, lots and lots of money. Granted, it’s not a necessity in raising a child, well, for me it is, for us, we want those things for our girls and that’s when I realized, I’m done.
Our family is complete. There will be no more babies. I don’t want any more babies. I am well and truly comfortable, content and utterly complete with our family the way it is.