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This Made Me Really Scared

We have an IVF/FET Hitlist on our Forum.

Its a place where everyone puts in the months that they’re scheduled for IVF/FET. I’ve not looked at it before, mostly because its been a year and a half since my last IVF.  I don’t know what made me do it, but today I looked at it, and now I regret it. Its made me a bit scared to be totally honest. The stats are just not great!

Since Agust 2008 we’ve had 52 IVF’s or FET’s listed.

Of that, only 14  confirmed BFP’s!!!!!!

We’ve had 22 BFN’s!

We’ve had 7 cycles cancelled, I’ve had a cancelled IVF before, its devastating.

We’ve had 4 miscarriages or chemical pregnancies.

And we’ve got 5 IVF’s that we don’t know the results of.

Those are NOT GREAT statistics. Its making me really really nervous to climb back onto the crazy roller coaster. But as terrified as I am for myself, I’m also more terrified for W. He takes the constant failures worse than I do, he doesn’t rebound as fast and as a result he’s lost total faith in IVF and all things fertility related. I don’t know what another BFN will do to him, but I have a feeling that if the next one fails there may be no more. That scares me even more!

Now I know everyone will tell me to think positively or just pray about etc, but the simple fact is, I’ve learned along the way here, no amount of praying or positive thinking will change the outcome. And although I know God doesn’t give us more than what we can cope with, the simple fact is I DON”T WANT to cope with another BFN. I know I can, but God please, I don’t want to.

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10 Comments

  • Reply Lea White

    Hugs!

    February 15, 2009 at 8:32 am
  • Reply C

    Let’s hope that when the next page is turned your name is on that page. Good Luck!

    February 15, 2009 at 2:53 pm
  • Reply 'Murgdan'

    I think it must feel like jumping over the edge of a cliff not knowing if your parachute will open….
    I hope yours opens and you don’t have to face the what ifs…

    February 15, 2009 at 2:57 pm
  • Reply Shalini White

    Lord, W sounds like M (ha, ha). Completely lost all faith in IVF even though its the best chance we have. M mentions vasectomy reversal this weekend, saying we could “try the old fashioned way” while we “IVF”. Er, that’s like moving backwards. Sigh. Poor guys. Mostly so ill-equipped (emotionally!!) to deal with the constant failed cycles. I know M can be either incredibly supportive, or incredibly ‘cold’ as he attempts to distance himself from the hurt. I bet W’s hurting too. Wish this was easy.

    I’d offer some babydust but I think you’d kill me … Hope’s a real bitch, but she helps me deal with the results of the cycle, so here’s a mega dose of hope. Its the whole reason we’re in the game right??

    Hugs!!

    February 15, 2009 at 3:04 pm
  • Reply skrambled

    And that is why I say, ‘Just close your eyes and jump’. I just don’t want to think of a BFN because they are so so hard. We can be positive all we like, but we have to include a dose of reality. Does that make sense?

    February 15, 2009 at 4:28 pm
  • Reply monica lemoine

    Thinking of you, hoping for you, Shaz!

    February 15, 2009 at 11:07 pm
  • Reply monica lemoine

    You’re right – the inclination is to tell you to stay strong and positive. But I know – that’s f**king hard to do. I think a key thing you say here is that God won’t give you more than you can handle. I believe that’s true. So, you know you’ll handle whatever comes your way. (that doesn’t mean you’ll like it, but you’ll handle it). Onward with your brave and treacherous journey, Shaz! You’ll cross every bridge when you come to it.

    February 16, 2009 at 4:49 am
  • Reply Elize

    I agree with Sian, nothing you see will change your mind, statistics don’t really matter. Just close your eyes and jump in hon. We are all praying for you. Hoping that your turn comes next.

    February 16, 2009 at 5:42 am
  • Reply samcy

    Praying and hoping that you will help turn the tide on those stats my dear friend.

    xxx

    February 16, 2009 at 9:34 pm
  • Reply Adel

    Jip – totally understand the feeling. I am prepared to pay lots of money to be pregnant, but mostly not to get a BFN ever again!

    Good luck my friend.

    February 17, 2009 at 10:36 am
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