TI Is NOT Fun!

 

Warning: Very self indulgent, self pitying, why me post ahead:

I know I shouldn’t complain, I know things could be worse, but I’m really struggling to stay seated on this hideous roller coaster ride. I hate timed intercourse! It is just bonking/banging/f!@#$, it has nothing to do with love or making love and I HATE it! I cannot believe we have to spend R2000 for what other people can do for free! It SUCKS! And then I feel guilty for complaining because I know that I could be doing an IVF which is even less fun! So forgive me for this self indulgent, whiney assed post, but I need to let it out.

Between timing the douching, timing the intercourse and then timing the medication, scans, trigger injection, Cyclogest, temping, OPK’s and O Microscope, there is just NOTHING fun or spontaneous about this. We cannot just have sex when we feel like it, because I have to think about whether or not I douched and how long its been since the douche. I had my trigger injection yesterday morning and then was told by a stranger that we would have intercourse as follows:

Douche – 17h00

Intercourse – 20h00

Sleep

Intercourse – 07h00

Douche – 17h00

Intercourse -20h00

Sleep

Intercourse – 07h00

Does that seem like fun?? You know its not when even your husband complains about it. You know its not when you cry while doing it. You know its not when you have to consider the best position of maximum sperm penetration, you know its not when you lie there wishing it was over. Its not natural and its not normal and I HATE it!

It was my nephews 5th birthday party yesterday, a couple of hours before the party started I had my trigger injection. I then spent the morning arguingwith my hubbiebecause of the freaking schedule we would have to leave the party early so that I could come home and douche. At the party, where I hide behind my sunglasses so nobody can see how puffy eyed I am from crying, I get to enjoy 2 pregnant women, 1 new born baby, 3 10 month old babies and countless toddlers and little children.  Talk about torture! Am I the only one that thinks that sometimes her hubbiewould be better off finding another wife?? Because God knows I’m guilt ridden over what I’ve put him through. I know that this is “our” problem, but technically speaking, its MY fault. Its my body that lets us down over and over again. There’s a song that plays over and over in my head, a song that speaks of exactly how I feel. The song is about a man forcing a relationship to end because of his battle with alcohol and how he sees its destroying and hurting his partner. I can so relate, I love my husband so much but I HATE seeing what my infertility has done to him, I wish I could make him “Hate Me Today”:

September 28, 2008
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8 Comments

  • Reply Elize

    Hon, this is YOUR blog, YOUR sounding board, whine as much as you feel like. I feel for you, I know how hard it is, how painful it is, my heart aches for you. It sucks that we have to pay 2k to be told when to do what and how often. I’m thinking of you and hoping you see light at the end of this tunnel very soon.
    (((HUGS)))

    September 28, 2008 at 2:22 pm
  • Reply eggorchicken

    Big big hugs.
    I know it’s easier said than done but try to just keep your eye on the prize.
    Sorry the party was so difficult 🙁
    x
    Yvonne

    September 28, 2008 at 8:36 pm
  • Reply Monica

    Um, no that does not sound like fun. That sounds freakin’ frustratingly hellish. I repeat: that does not sound like fun. Dang fertawindow! Not to state the obvious, but I sure hope to the powers above that you get a kid outta this!!!

    September 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm
  • Reply Murgdan

    Oh.My.God. I could NOT have handled that party. I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time with all the triggers and scheduled sex and all.

    Although I will never again have to schedule sex…I did have to schedule a blow job today (new SA on Tuesday and AF showed yesterday…and I hated to demand two hand jobs in a week…so I figured I’d help). (Yes, it was TMI, but after all, the topic was scheduled sex). 😉

    OH. And you can whine all you want (we’ll send the troll to her certain death)….but you do KNOW no matter how much the IF is hurting the both of you, your hubby would never considering “finding someone else” as a solution. I mean…it’s not a solution for me.

    Big Big HUGS…(missed you!)

    September 29, 2008 at 1:26 am
  • Reply Sassy

    I hear you. Vent away. You were very brave to go to that party.

    And sweetie, I bet your husband has 100 reasons for loving you. Infertility may be all encompassing but you will get through this and those 100 reasons will always be there.

    September 29, 2008 at 3:23 am
  • Reply dee

    You are extremely brave to have gone to the party, I would only have managed with copious amounts of wine.

    TI is not fun, not something we have done before due to MFI but I can imagine, even trying to catch the egg during ov is not fun either.

    September 29, 2008 at 8:29 am
  • Reply samcy

    I would have battled terribly at the party my friend – you were very brave! Kudos to you for handlig it with aplomb…

    TI SUCKS!!! HAIR BALLS!!! I’m praying that this is the last time you have to endure it…

    HUGS!
    xxx

    September 29, 2008 at 10:14 am
  • Reply Suzanna Catherine

    OMG! I am so so sorry for the agony you have been through. Between the party-from-Hell and the TI, I don’t know how you had the energy to post. And, IMHO, you can post ANYTHING you want on YOUR blog. No apologies EVER needed!

    Thinking of you! ((hugs))

    September 30, 2008 at 2:34 am
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