Unexpected – Warning – Not For The Sensitive Hurting Soul Of An Infertile

We’re still with my parents in Cape Town, so quickly just “dialing in” yes, you read right, “dialing in” from my parents connection so need to be quick. No time to post my birth story, but also still trying to digest everything that happened yesterday. As soon as we’re home, on Wednesday and settled, I’ll post about the most amazing experience ever. The day I stood in awe of this amazing woman and what she gave to me!

For now, I wanted to share a reaction I hadn’t anticipated. I knew that I would love Ava, I knew that I would bond with her. What I didn’t expect was just how ferociiously and quickly those feelings would come. I’d heard about mother’s love before, but nothing prepared  me for its true power. The little noises she makes when she drinks and the little moans she makes when she sleeps turn me to jelly, they melt me on the inside the way nothing else ever have. I can, with all honestly say that I’ve turned into a tiger, one that will rip to shreds anything intruder into her den of kittens. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would stand in front of a speeding train to save my child. Nothing could have prepared me for the sheer overwhelming strength of my emotion for her, it is fierce, it is beyond explanation.

Having said all that, I still cannot believe the beautiful gift I’ve been given, in an instant she has wiped away 7 years of pain and heartache. For my friends still in the trenches, I say this to you…. as clichéd as it sounds, as much as I hated hearing new mum’s say this before, I say to you now, it was worth every tear, every injection, every pain, every disappointment that I’ve been through in the past 7 and a half years.

Vasbyt julle!

xxx

39 Comments

  • Liz

    December 14, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…………Congratulations to you both. Cherise your beautiful little girl. Your daughter….at last. Adoption is another word for love!

    Reply
  • Mash

    December 14, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Sharon, thank you so much for this, for the encouragement and sharing your story with us, and for giving us hope. And may God’s blessings rain down on all of you, your beautiful new family for all the years to come!

    Reply
  • Yvonne

    December 15, 2009 at 6:56 am

    Goosies and tears all at once.
    Hearing you so happy, so content just makes my day honestly!
    I am still totally blown away by everything that has happened, it must be so hard to take it all in!!!!! 🙂 🙂
    BIGBIGBIG congrats (again) to you and W. You so deserve this.
    Have a lovely flight back home and enjoy settling in with your new baby girl!!!

    Did you manage to wangle your 6 months of leave situation??? 🙂

    x
    Yvonne

    Reply
  • K

    December 15, 2009 at 7:16 am

    I’m with Yvonne – tears and goosies.. Hearing you like a tigress and so peaceful all at the same time is the blessing of motherhood.. Awesome! in the true sense of the word xxx Can’t wait to hear all the details 🙂

    Reply
  • Elize

    December 15, 2009 at 7:59 am

    I’m with the other girls. Tears and goosies! I can’t tell you in adequite words how happy I am for you. I knew the minute you held your baby that all your pain would be wiped away, and I’m so glad it did. I’m so happy that you have finally experienced the joy of motherhood, that your heart and arms are now full, that you and W are a family now, that your mom and dad are finally grandparents, and most of all that you have a tiny miracle you can call your own and love with all your heart, soul, mind and body.

    Reply
  • Hanneke

    December 15, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Oh wow, maybe i will stop crying soon, i am so happy for you !!! It is such a beautifull story and the beginning of the rest of your happy life !!

    Reply
  • Julia

    December 15, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Dear Sharon
    I have not cried for so long until the last few days. Your story is just mindblowing and I am in awe of our AWESOME God all over again. I was explaining it to my DH on Sunday night and I just cried. Needless to say, he looked at me like I was nuts.
    I am so so happy for you and your DH.
    And you are right. There is nothing quite as intense and as pure and delicious as the Mama love. Can’t wait to hear your birth story. All the best..xx

    Reply
  • Tam

    December 15, 2009 at 9:05 am

    I’m so happy for you my dear friend. I have always wondered what it would be like too, wondered if by some miracle all the pain and heartache we have felt will be melted away with by just having that baby placed in our arms. I believe you, I believe that the love we feel for a child is instant, many of us know that we’ll love our children but I do believe that we have no idea of how fierce that love can be.

    I can’t wait to see you and little Ava, just to wrap my arms around both of you. I am sincerely happy that this has healed you Shaz.

    Lots of love xxx

    Reply
  • Rebecca

    December 15, 2009 at 9:26 am

    I left the UK 3 weeks ago to come home to New Zealand for 2 months and haven’t been online very much. I decided to check your blog and wow what a wonderful surprise. The news just couldn’t be better. Your a mummy and I’m sure you’ll do a fantastic job of it too!! You really deserve all the happiness motherhood will bring you. I love your choice of name too! Congratulations to you both! xxx

    Reply
  • Jenny

    December 15, 2009 at 9:30 am

    I am so happy for you and so happy to hear you have instantly bonded. I mailed you to say that it’s not like that for some women – some feel tremendous guilt that the bonding takes so long. But my heart is happy to hear you feeling this way. Awesome news Sharon.

    Reply
  • Katherine

    December 15, 2009 at 9:49 am

    I am so happy you bonded so quickly and it gives me such joy reading this post, that you too have now experienced that indescribable feeling of what being a mother feels like and why you would fight so hard and so long to achieve it.

    Reply
  • C

    December 15, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    Wow I am so happy to hear those words, so glad that you finally get to experience all the joys and love that comes with being a mother.
    Even though I often feel like I am just plodding along for the sake of doing it, I guess the longing for that exact feeling is what has kept me going for 12 years.
    Can’t wait to meet little Ava!

    Reply
  • Daryl

    December 15, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Amen to that Sharon. I still get my breath taken away by the strength of my love. Nothing quite prepares you for that but it is amazing. Enjoy your daughter.

    Reply
  • Zeu

    December 15, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    It’s called Motherhood, and you can really only explain it once you there.
    I really hope from the bottom of my heart that all your friends with empty arms, will follow suit very very soon..
    Can’t wait to read your updates !

    Reply
  • Kirsty

    December 15, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Ai Shaz! Welcome to motherhood! Trust me… that fierce love just gets stronger… you think it can’t, but it does!
    Enjoy every moment my friend…. even the overwhelming ones, because they pass by so quick x

    Reply
  • sassy

    December 15, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    I loved this post. Yes, as a childless infertile, it is heartbreaking to think of what we are missing… but you have been through so much.And if you can giet to this place, well, it gives me hope.

    I know you’re going to be a wonderful mother.

    Reply
  • HOLLIE

    December 16, 2009 at 12:24 am

    I am beyond happy to hear of your wonderful bond with your angel girl. Im so happy to hear that you are on the other side of that dreaded IF. Im so happy for you in every way possible. God is good, rejoice in your Christmas miracle! All my love…Hollie

    Reply
  • Cam

    December 16, 2009 at 8:33 am

    I will never give up Sharon…thanks for reminding us….I am so very overwhelmed for you – enjoy Ava and everything she brings into your lives xxx

    Reply
  • SCY

    December 16, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Being internetless yesterday I only got to read this now. Thank God for this healing in your heart and soul. I cannot wait to see you both together and to hold you both and hug you both.

    Your post reminds me of that saying “I never said it would be easy, I said it would be worth it.” It seems that this is SO SO true.

    Love ya!
    XXX

    Reply
  • CalT

    December 17, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Isn’t it just amazing how protective you become INSTANTLY! It is like you become a whole new person!

    Shaz, I am just so happy for you and your little princess. I think adoption really makes you realise what a gift a child is when you are given something so perfect that someone else so unselfishly (most of the time) gives up.

    Reply
  • Terri

    December 18, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    This has got to be the event of the year. Sharon, I am soooooo thrilled for both of you. Wow, what a blessing. Enjoy ! You give us hope……. Congrats
    xxxxxx

    Reply

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