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Veteran Barbie Becomes Bitchy Barbie

Have u ever read Tertai’s blog? More specifically, have you ever read the postings titled: IVF Barbie? If you haven’t I’d highly recommend that you do, not only is it absolutely hilarious, but regardless of where you are in your infertility journey, there is a barbie you will be able to relate to.

I am Veteran Barbie through and through, I have been Veteran Barbie for quite a number of years, we’re into our 8th year of trying, I reckon I hit veteran state somewhere between my 5th and 6th year of trying, somewhere in the midst of a haze of IVF’s, I realized I was Veteran Barbie. So who is Veteran Barbie? Let me quote:

Veteran Barbie:
Veteran Barbies are not at all related to the Barbies above. Veteran Barbies are the Anti-Barbie. They are a whole lot plumper than the Newbie Barbies, less perky (in boobs and attitude), have grayer hair, a largely negative and over-drawn bank balance, plenty of bruises and marks and a slightly cynical attitude. They are dressed in comfy track pants with elasticated waistbands. Their accessories include a wealth of knowledge of reproductive procedures and protocol, the ability to practically do their own cycle, a snarky attitude, little tolerance for stupidity, a well defined sense of humor, the ability to laugh at themselves, a fondness for wine/beer/crack and a aversion to pineapple, baby dust and Newbie Barbies. This aversion in its more severe form can be allergic and acerbic. Veteran Barbies tend to swear quite a bit (especially when playing in the Barbie House with Newbie Barbies and Pregnant Newbie Barbies) and parental guidance is advised.

And then somewhere in the last couple of months, somewhere during the process of grieving my 4th failed IVF cycle, somewhere in between coping daily with the grief of my 6 pregnancy losses, somewhere between trying to pretend like I was coping fine, somewhere between trying to decide if we should continue to try or decide to live child free. Somewhere in between living in denial, somewhere in between the drunken evenings spent drinking copious amounts of wine and champagne cocktails (see how Veteran barbie I am?) with Veteran & IVF Barbie’s, I realized that I had gone a step past just being Veteran Barbie,  I was Veteran Barbie, but with a harder edge, a bitchier streak and so, introducing Bitchy Barbie:

bitchbarbieSo who is Bitchy Barbie? In essence, she’s the same at Veteran Barbie but worse, way more hardcore, way more snarky and way more bitchy. Bitchy Barbie is so sick and tired of discussing infertility, infertility treatments and her infertility history. Bitchy Barbie is sick and tired of pity parties with IVF Barbie and Veteran Barbie, lamenting the age old question of why me? Bitchy Barbie doesn’t care about why her anymore, she asks the question why NOT me? Bitchy Barbie does not participate in support forums, because baby dust makes her skin crawl, because if she has to read about one more “infertile” falling pregnant from her first round of Clomid she’s gonna scream, wishing it could be her, because she can’t bare to read about one more infertile lamenting the difficulties of a 2ww from a timed cycle, because she’s survived through the dreaded 2ww of an IVF or even worse, the waiting between beta tests confirming an impending miscarriage. Bitchy Barbie battles to play nice in the Barbie House, Bitchy Barbie copes best when surrounded by other Bitchy Barbies, sadly though, they are few and far between so often Bitchy Barbie feels lonely and isolated, even when surrounded by other IVF and Veteran Barbie’s.

So yes, there is a new kind of  Barbie and I know Bitchy Barbie because I have become Bitchy Barbie. Unlike Veteran Barbie who is tired but willing, no matter how bad her attitude is. Bitchy Barbie is unwilling to continue on. Lets see, perhaps Bitchy Barbie will morph into another kind of Barbie, perhaps even a willing one, with a little bit more time.

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18 Comments

  • Reply Tam

    Here here! So well said, I think I’m Bitchy Barbie too – I know I haven’t been thru what you have but I’m soooo over this shit!!

    July 23, 2009 at 1:20 pm
  • Reply Abbey

    Me too Sharon, I’m feel like bitchy Barbie although I too have not been though as much as you. I feel like an “intertile infertile”…. It’s crap when you are left behind with only your anger and bitchy humour to keep you company. Feeling bitchy with you my friend!

    July 23, 2009 at 2:40 pm
  • Reply Shaz

    Join the club girls! Its good to be able to have a laugh at ourselves! It makes this journey so much easier.

    July 23, 2009 at 2:59 pm
  • Reply How do you know? « Peanut’s Journey

    […] you’re at it, go by and have a look at this excellent post by Shaz, Bitchy Barbie…I think I’m there too!! […]

    July 23, 2009 at 3:17 pm
  • Reply Sian

    I lurved this Shaz! I really identify. Good work! Hehehehe.

    July 23, 2009 at 3:33 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    I love the picture that you have with this post. I think you should send this to Tertia to add to her list.

    July 23, 2009 at 3:36 pm
  • Reply Katie

    Hehehehehe very funny!!!!!!!! Great picture 🙂

    July 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm
  • Reply Invivo

    Fun addition to Tertia’s Barbie post, although I think Bitchy Barbie needs to work through her anger…. 😉

    July 23, 2009 at 4:19 pm
  • Reply Shaz

    This posting was misconstrued by some readers & after entering an emailed discussion, this is what transpired:
    From Zeu:
    The yearning for a child remains the same, whether you are a “prince” or a pauper!

    I don’t think you should be judging people by the kinds of treatments they had! Not everybody is in your financial position to afford the big-guns of infertility such as IVF.

    For some Sharon, their dream of having a child is shattered from the point go! For some ONE cycle of CLOMID is the ONLY treatment they can afford.

    Does this mean they yearn for a child any less? Absolutely not!

    Do they know anything about loosing THAT special baby, or multiple babies? NO! But it does not mean that they want the baby any more or less than you.

    Granted, yes you have been through MANY treatments, and yes you have SUFFERED more than your FAIR share of Miscarriages.

    You have NO idea what is going on in other people’s heads and hearts. You don’t have a clue what “pain” they enduring, yet you can judge?

    But don’t you realize that by generalizing you are becoming you own worst enemy? With your post today :

    “Bitchy Barbie is sick and tired of pity parties with IVF Barbie and Veteran Barbie, lamenting the age old question of why me?”

    You have basically told not just your current support structure but “would-be-supporters” to take a hike.. Is that really what you want Sharon?

    Why continue to torture yourself with postings about infertility if you don’t want it anymore? Why not just move on, and find something else to write about? Are you worried that you would loose some of your reader base?

    Don’t you realize that people will support you in other areas of your life (non-fertility rated)if you stop the self-pitying Ad nauseam?

    Believe it or not, you are made of MORE than just Infertility! And whilst it form a part of you it SHOULD not become all consuming!

    There is a saying : “Do not judge a book by it’s cover”. Perhaps it’s time to read what’s on the inside of YOUR book first before judging other’s Cover.

    I trust you will find peace with yourself, others and God, before it’s too late.

    My reponse:
    Zea, its really sad that you can’t see this post for what it is, a tongue-in-cheek-poke-a-bit-of-fun-at-myself. It most certainly is not a judgement of anybody else. Do I wish I could be one of those legendary infertiles we hear about that full pregnant from a round of Clomid, hell yes! But I thank God everyday for putting me in a position where I am able to afford a few rounds of IVF, certianly not with the greatest of ease, with much planning and saving but I am able to.

    This post also has nothing to do with the yearning for a child so I’m dumb founded that you read into that from this posting. Ones desire for a child remains the same regardless and I certainly don’t sit in judgement of that.

    Its really sad for me that you and some others come to my blog daily purely to find fault with me. If you despise me and my views so much, then may I ask, why do you keep coming back? say live and let live.
    All the best to you!
    So she responded:
    Shaz,

    No fault finding.. I do not despise your views either, contrary!

    I joined FC in Dec 07 shortly after my 2nd Miscarriage, and well firstly, your Signature gave me Hope! Why ?When all you had in it was endless treatments and miscarriages? Easy, you gave me hope because despite the number of failed treatments and miscarriages you were still a fighter! You were a Kukd but you were still fighting for what you so desperately yearned for and you cared! Cared for other in similar shoes!

    Granted you qualified as a VET, and at this point in time you could be Dubbed SUPER DUPER VETERAN, but you still cared Sharon! Cared enough to give EVERYONE regardless of the number of treatments hope! It didn’t matter whether it was their first round of Clomid or the 6th IVF. Do you think you became a SUPER MODERATOR for nothing? Hell no!

    I know I have no right to speak as I have “Moved on” and got the baby, got the T-Shirt whatever! But you have no idea what I or anybody else for that matter that ‘Moved” on have been through. I also know from following your posts on FC and following your blog, that you are in an extremely dark, lonely place. And whilst your husband and current support team are giving you all the support they can, it’s not enough!

    I have followed your blog from the beginning, and the Shaz from way back then, to the Shaz now, is two Opposite people. I am sad to say but the Essence of Shaz, the things that I admire about you, is consumed by this very dark Cloud called Infertility. I am in no position to give advice as I am standing on the outside looking in, and my own advice of “Don’t judge a book by it’s Cover” should be applied by me, so I will stop now!

    I know you said It’s a “tongue-in-cheek-poke-a-bit-of-fun-at-myself” but if you are true to your feelings there is some truth in there! Just have a look at your lack of support lately on FC.

    I wish you had posted both my comments, so all could see your beautiful reply, and not judge your posting incorrectly, as I have

    This was in now way meant as a ‘hate” mail,
    I repeat : I trust you will find peace with yourself, others and God, before it’s too late

    So I said:
    Thanks for responding, I do appreciate the softer tone of your second mail.
    You’ve given me something things to think about and perhaps, when I’m ready to post about.

    As for my participation or lack there of on FC of late, its for one reason and one reason only, I’m tired Zeu, I’m tired of this path and working hard at finding my happy ending, my answer, because of the place I’m in, I don’t feel I have the ability to offer support to others because the only assvice I can offer is the assvice I find myself living at this current moment – I just want to live, I want to set myself free (somehow, someway) from the burden of infertility and live the one life I’ve got to live.

    Anyway, thanks again for responding, if I may, I would like to post these emails into the comments section of my blog, (I will of course delete our names)

    Take Care!

    Hopefully this clears up the misunderstanding for those that misconstrued this post.

    July 23, 2009 at 5:14 pm
  • Reply SassyCupcakes

    My God. Some people will always read what they want despite what’s written on the page. You know those people who hear horses and think zebras? I think you’ve found them.

    It is so hard to be infertile years and years after everyone else has moved on. That someone who has a baby is trying to give advice on the life experiences of someone who has suffered so much loss in the hopes of having a child, blows my mind.

    It’s quite obvious these people don’t understand you. You’re in different places now and I think Mandy & Zeu need to respect that and move on. I really don’t see how telling you that you should be grateful that you could afford to do IVF even though it didn’t work, is in anyway helpful or even relevant.

    I’m not sure I’m a Bitchy Barbie, others would probably say yes. 🙂 What I do know is that I’m also awfully tired of this and I’m feeling very isolated while I’m lapped again and again by other infertiles.

    July 23, 2009 at 5:38 pm
  • Reply Jeannine

    Geez, powerful post – and I think those criticising you might not see what I think I do after reading it.
    You’ve gone on a very long, horrible journey through a dark tunnel and come out on the other side only to find there’s no bloody light. And it’s just godamned unfair!

    July 23, 2009 at 9:48 pm
  • Reply Lea White

    Just remember that this is your blog and therefore based on your opinions and thoughts and so I wouldn’t pay much attention to those criticizing you. If they want to feel all sensitive about what you wrote and think of it as a personal attack, well then that is just their problem.

    Hugs, thoughts and prayers as always.

    July 23, 2009 at 10:46 pm
  • Reply Rach

    Ohhhhh sticks her hand up, I’m a bitchy barbie and I make NO apologies for it.

    I have to comment about the emails tho….

    IMO the reason WHY this MAY be true:
    “I am sad to say but the Essence of Shaz, the things that I admire about you, is consumed by this very dark Cloud called Infertility.”

    is because of this:
    “Granted you qualified as a VET, and at this point in time you could be Dubbed SUPER DUPER VETERAN”.

    Unless people have walked the LONG road of longterm infertility and ttc they have NO idea. They may have SOME idea but not the full picture.

    I’ve been called before for saying that NO ONE can understand what I’m feeling or going through and I was wrong, SOME can, those who are walking the same path as me. The ones who are also almost into double figures for years spent trying, those who have had losses along the way BUT I’m sorry for those of you who have tried for a few years and ended up with a prize you have only a smidgen of an idea of what I’m feeling.

    So please do NOT feel the need to tell me that you hope I find peace with myself, others AND God because honestly you have no right and no idea.

    July 24, 2009 at 1:39 am
  • Reply jwhite05

    I’m not sure where I fit in with any of those Barbies…from the beginning of IF treatment we were told…you’re never having bio kids. The road we all follow is so different, and there are certainly suckier pathways (I’m definitely bitchy barbie when it comes to anyone’s first IUI/IVF working).

    I agree with Rach’s last paragraph: “please do NOT feel the need to tell me that you hope I find peace with myself, others AND God because honestly you have no right and no idea.” People have no idea, unless they’ve walked the same road.

    ICLW #117

    July 24, 2009 at 1:48 am
  • Reply peanuttam

    I love love love the support you’ve gotten here Shaz, it just shows you that not everyone has issues with the things you say, it’s only those who have their friggin head in the sand that can’t see it for what it is.

    Like I said before, if you don’t like it then don’t read it. Simple as that!!

    July 24, 2009 at 8:33 am
  • Reply nycphoenix

    Proud Bitchy Barbie here! Even though I am going through my final IVF in September I have about as much enthusiasm for it as I have a root canal. This is the IVF to give me closure so i know i threw eeverything medical science had at my ovaries.

    Your blog your feelings, your thoughts, no apologies. Ever!

    July 24, 2009 at 5:51 pm
  • Reply AntiAnalBarbie

    I am probably way too late in posting this.. But I am so sick and tired of the “Anal Barbies”.

    Zeu do me a favor and go back to your ZOO, and on your way please collect the other Freaks that form part of your show!

    You HAVE moved on, and you will probably NEVER be able to relate to the ongoing feelings of LONG SUFFERING infertiles. SO do me a favor and get a life, away from here!

    Shaz were did you dig her up?

    July 24, 2009 at 6:21 pm
  • Reply SCY

    I’m very late on this one (damn you work at #R#%#$%%$# ) but I love it. It describes me perfectly on the slippery slope to being a bitchy barbie.

    xxx

    July 24, 2009 at 9:16 pm
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