Yes, yes, I’m sure some people will be rolling there eyes and getting all huffy or a bit “subtweety” when they read the title of this blog post, but this is a subject I want to touch on (again) after reading this months article in the Your Baby magazine on judgement.
You can read the full article here: judging parents
I have, on numerous occasions, lamented the fact that I feel judged by other mothers. But, thankfully, I am not the type of person who lacks self awareness. I am able to take criticism on the chin, think about what has been said, internalize it and learn something from it without resorting to childish behaviour. Believe it or not, I am a thinker, I do mull things over, and while I may not always respond to everything that is said to me, I do think about it and try to learn something or take something away from it. I am also guilty of having a knee jerk reaction to situations or statements, that is not a strong point of mine, but one that I can acknowledge, live and deal with.
After my last blog post about judgement, which you can read here, I really did spend some time thinking about all that was said and I came to the following conclusions:
- My feeling judged has everything to do with my own insecurities and very little to do with anyone actually judging me.
- I do have a party pack size of Simba chips on my shoulder, something I need to learn to come to terms with, about my path to motherhood. Make no mistake, I regret nothing and can’t imagine my journey having a happier ending than the one it had but, it all happened so fast that I never got the chance to grieve the end of my genetics, the pregnancy and birth experience. This is something that I need to work through and come to terms with in my own time. It is something I have wrapped tightly in a little box and pushed into the corner of my mind.
- My own insecurities about my abilities as a mother – I think this is largely due to the emphasis that is placed on pregnancy and birth as part of the motherhood experience and obviously something I have no experience with, which does lead me to feel lacking. Note that I said makes me feel, this is key for me, because I know it’s me that is making me feel this way and no one else.
I read the Your Baby mag article and felt like a belonged. I belonged to group of women called Mommy’s, who regardless of how they came to be mothers, regardless of the choices they made, regardless of how they gave birth, chose to breast feed or not, chose to practise attachment parenting or sleep training, all felt judged in varying degrees.
Your Baby Mag tweeted this this morning:
In our latest issue we talk about judging moms and being judged by moms. Have you ever felt judged? And for what?
I watched the responses with interest….. and noted again that ALL Mom’s feel judged, regardless of their choices and secondly that we are ALL guilty of judging other mom’s, in varying degrees and I believe this all links back to our own insecurities.
But the tweet I LOVED the most came from Robyn:
@yourbabymag Today, I read this: http://www.iol.co.za/news/world/toddler-fell-from-zoo-railing-police-1.1418036 … I thought what an idiot, right? Then I found the pic below.. 1/2pic.twitter.com/mFm683j2
Make sure you read the article tweeted and the image of Robyn and her family at the zoo, attached!It made me smile and realize, we’re all in the same boat, we’re all guilty of judging and of feeling judged and perhaps the knowledge of this very fact could help us all be better, more confident mothers.
I know the article in the mag and the discussions on Twitter have helped me to feel a lot more comfortable with who and how I am as a mother!