If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you will know, because I have been fairly open about it, that towards the end of last year, I had a nervous breakdown. Brought on by months of intense stress and financial pressures, compounded by my pre-existing depression and anxiety disorders.
When my mental well being spiraled, the medication I’ve been on for the past 7 years, stopped being effective in controlling my depression and anxiety and I got sucked into a downward spiral, coupled with self destructive behavior, I was in an extremely bad place, emotionally and mentally.
Thanks to additional medication, therapy and the love and support of my family and friends, I was able to bring myself back from the brink.
2016, while it’s been a very tough year for many, has actually been a pretty good year for me. In every aspect, in comparison to last year, I’m in a much better place.
One of the reasons, I believe, is because I have found my quiet place. And I’ve learned to nurture that time and grow that space, just for me. My place where I have complete peace. Where I am calm, where my mind shuts down.
And this is what it looks like:
When I’m out there, in the arena, cantering on a horse, the strangest thing happens to me. My mind is quiet. There are no thoughts racing through my head. No internal noise that distracts me. It’s quiet and it’s peaceful and all I can hear is the sound of the wind rushing in my ears, the horses hooves pounding the sand and my heart, beating calmly and slowly in sync with the hoof beats.
It’s a time of the week I look forward to. I won’t allow anything or anyone to interfere with that time, I am jealous and possessive of that time because it nurtures me, it refuels me, it sustains me.
My instructor calls it soul time and I’m inclined to agree.