New readers of my blog will not know this, but 4 years ago, I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder), Post Adoption Depression Syndrome and PTSD after our 7+ year journey through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.
I was a mess and it was only after a lot of therapy and medication that I was able to reclaim my life and start living again.
I’ve been taking Cipralex for the last 4 years. It’s an amazing drug and has done so much for me. Within 2 weeks of starting the meds I started feeling like life was being breathed back into me, I was no longer a member of the walking dead, I was able to be an active member of society and be present in my own life.
I’ve toyed with the idea of coming off Cipralex for the last year or so, but to be honest, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of going back to that walking dead thing, barely able to function in my life and after discussing it with my Doctor and pharmacist, I’ve decided against it. Particularly after something the pharmacist said to me that went along the lines of my dosage being small, only 10mg per day, and if it was helping me to just carry on. That and the fact that Cipralex has a long weaning process if you want to stop it, two months of weaning. I’m just not sure I’m ready for that.
But this past weekend, I did something REALLY stupid and learned a valuable lesson in what not to do when taking antidepressants.
On Saturday night, when I got into bed & completed my nightly routine, slathered myself in body cream, rubbed my lips with lip balm and rubbed my heals with heal balm, I popped my little miracle pill and noted that it was the last one in the pack, making a mental note to refill my script in the morning.
Then I forgot!
Went through the same nightly routine on Sunday night and as I reached into my bedside table I remembered I didn’t have any more Cipralex left! So made another mental note to pick up my repeat script on Monday and then I forgot again!
Yesterday I felt like hell! Now I understand why it’s a two month weaning process and not a cold turkey process. I was so disconnected from my senses that it felt like I was inside a sticky, stuffy, bubble. If I moved my head, it felt like there was a 10 second lag for my eyes to catch up. I was irritable and agitated and my anxiety was out of control! I raced to the pharmacy before work and as soon as I got my hands on that little box of pills, I sucked one back.
Within 20 minutes I was so nauseous! And still struggling with the lag on my senses. Still battling with my brain and body to calibrate and work together!
I landed up having to go home from work, lie down and sleep for 3 hours! Last night I popped another pill and thankfully this morning everything seems to have normalized. My brain and my body are once again functioning as a single unit!
Lesson learned. I cannot believe I was that stupid! I’d even been warned that messing with Cipralex like that could lead to psychotic episodes and suicidal thoughts. I will never ever mess with my meds again! EVER!