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When The Waiting Becomes Unbearable…

Waiting for our second placement is hard. It is not as hard as the first time, already having a child does mean that there isn’t the same level of desperation and life is pretty much carrying on while we wait.

Or, so I thought…..

Walter dropped a bomb on me this past weekend. I think it has something to do with my rapidly approaching 40th birthday and that Ava is growing up so quickly right before our very eyes….

We started the process for our second placement in March 2011, so we’ve been waiting a little over a year now. We knew that the second time around wouldn’t happen as quickly and we also knew that a lot of birth mom’s prefer to place their babies with childless couples so it would be tougher the second time around, but the wait appears to be taking it’s toll on Walter.

This weekend, out of the blue, he told me that he thinks we should approach another adoption agency and get on their list as well because he feels we need to widen the search.

I was pretty dumb founded.

In the past,the big driver of the process has always been me. Prior to Ava’s placement Walter felt that he was happy with our lives and he would be fine for us to choose to live child free. Then of course Ava came along and totally rocked our world. After her birth, he was adamant he did not want another child but as time progressed he agreed that perhaps we should try and adopt a second time but his attitude was more of a “lets see what happens”.

Things have changed for him and the desire for a second child seems to be burning as strongly in him as it is in me and it’s wonderful to both me on the same page and to both have an equally strong desire for a second child.

But it’s also kind of scary.

We know our SW, we love our SW so having to actively find an additional SW to assist us is a little scary. To put ourselves through the intensive screening process for a third time is all rather terrifying.

But neither Walter nor I are the type to allow fear to stand in our way… if we’d allowed fear to interfere with our hopes and dreams, we wouldn’t be where we are today, so I guess it’s time to quieten my loudly beating heart, pick up the phone and make that call….

Wish us luck!

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8 Comments

  • Reply Spiritedmama1

    Sending you all the luck I possibly can!!!!!

    June 7, 2012 at 11:11 am
  • Reply Laura

    Good luck 🙂

    I actually cant imagine the heart ache and desperation you guys must feel.

    It will happen! I believe that!

    June 7, 2012 at 11:56 am
  • Reply Sian

    A couple of months ago I was convinced that I would only want one child…..now I definately want another. The waiting is hard when you want it so bad. I hope its soon! I want it to be soon for you three.

    June 7, 2012 at 11:59 am
  • Reply cat@jugglingact

    The very best of luck! AS an only child you know I want every child to have a brother or a sister.

    June 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm
  • Reply Beth

    Good luck Sharon. I hope Baby Van Wyk finds you soon.

    June 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm
  • Reply TJ

    All the best! It’s exciting, but I’m sure very nerve wrecking!

    June 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm
  • Reply Tracy

    I can understand wanting to contact another social worker is stressful but perhaps this is the way Number 2 is reaching out to you.

    We first applied and were screened through Child Welfare in our home town and then we were told we could apply to Child Welfare in other places to take our case as well. We did that with three other places and eventually our first son came from one of those three other places. For the other Child Welfare organisations we didn’t need to go through all the screening again because that was already done and shared with them. We spoke on the phone, completed some forms and sent our profile.

    I don’t know how private social workers work but if you are on the register of people waiting to adopt I can’t imagine you would have to do everything again.

    We were very blessed that our second son came out of the blue and is our first son’s biological brother so we had no waiting. We had intended to adopt again but were waiting a little while longer because of circumstances but our second son had other ideas! These little ones know when the time is right to go to their families even if we don’t!

    Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

    June 8, 2012 at 5:23 am
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    You know that I’m in your corner all the way. I’m holding and crossing everything for you guys here… I know how shitty that wait is – and maybe Walter is right. Maybe widening your search is a good way to go? To be honest, if we were in the same boat, I may be thinking along a similar line too.
    Good luck, Sharon and Walter.
    Think about you EVERY DAY!

    June 11, 2012 at 8:13 am
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