Where To From Here?

question-markWe have some decisions to make. We have some very important things to think about and some big decisions to make. Not decisions that can be made quickly or taken lightly. Big decisions to be made. But ones that we’ll only be able to make after I’ve had my follow up appointment with our RE on the 20th November.

We don’t have a lot of options left, it basically comes down to the fact that W and I fall into the category of unexplained infertility. Nobody really knows why we keep having the same outcome. Initially Dr G believed it was because of how messed up physically I was on the inside – hydrosalpinges, polyp, septum, scarring, pelvic lesions, all of these things could have and probably did play some part in my miscarriages. But it would seem there is something else at play as well. All those physical conditions have been repaired, physically, on the inside, I’m all shiny and perfect, there should be no reason why. W has a good quality, high sperm count. So no issues there. I stim like a 30 year old and produce, what looks like on the outside, to be beautiful quality eggs. We have a very high fertilization rate with no embryo’s dying off during the first 3 days, all the embryo’s that were grown to 5 days all hatched and had the ability to attach. They do attach as seen with my FET, they attach, they start growing and then somewhere around 5 weeks of pregnancy or 3 weeks post conception, they just stop. Something goes wrong and my embryo’s just stop growing. I’ve been tested for every conceivable thing under the sun, I have no auto immune issues, no blood thinning diseases, I had Intralipids of over active natural killer cells, so there really is only one explanation as to why this keeps happening.

Somehow, someway, there is a genetic issue with our embryo’s, of course this is all speculation and yet to be proven. There is only one way to prove it, add a donor to the mix. We’ve already tried donor sperm as part of our first & second IVF attempts,  without success, so the logical follow on from there is to try donor eggs. You see, while the RE’s say that we produce high quality embryo’s the point is, they’re graded according to what they can see on the outside, they cannot see inside the cells of the embryo’s, they cannot truly tell if genetically all is ok. Now I know at this point some people would ask about PGD and my answer to that is… been there, done that. PGD is a very old technology and it tests for very few genetic anomalies so you could still miss out on literally hundreds of genetic issues.

I’m not even sure if my RE is going to encourage DE just yet, he mentioned it as a last resort and may well feel we should give it another shot with my eggs, but to be honest, I’m not sure I’m willing to do this to myself again. I’m not sure I have what it takes to get pregnant again only to miscarry again. I would rather try with donor eggs than with my own eggs but at the same token, I’m not sure I want to try again at all… we’ll have to see…

Our other option is adoption, something, I’ve always felt called to. So for now, W and I are weighting up our options and asking for God’s guidance as we face these huge decisions.

October 24, 2009
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13 Comments

  • Reply Stacey

    Thinking of you and W as you tackle these huge decisions. You have my support no matter which path you choose!

    October 24, 2009 at 5:39 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Thoughts and prayers for you both!

    October 24, 2009 at 5:42 am
  • Reply Dubai-Chrisle

    Take time to grieve and then speak to FS and take it from there. What keeps me hopeful when the road looks dark and never ending is that there is always another option !You still have options and options means hope. Keeping you and your hubby in my prayers.

    October 24, 2009 at 8:15 am
  • Reply K

    Will be by your side (right here in the computer) every step of the way.. sending strength, courage and positive vibes, as always xxx

    October 24, 2009 at 8:20 am
  • Reply Cindy

    Thinking of you and wishing you peace as you face the decisions before you.

    October 24, 2009 at 11:14 am
  • Reply WiseGuy

    I don’t know what to say to you, Sharon. But I truly hope that you and W get guided to the right path somehow.

    October 24, 2009 at 3:22 pm
  • Reply Mommy-In-Waiting

    Wishing you both all the best as you weigh up your options, consider how you feel about each option and hoping you find peace along which ever path you choose.

    October 24, 2009 at 4:27 pm
  • Reply Pamela

    I’ve only just now caught up with the latest posts. I’m so very sorry to hear about your recent loss. I’m heartbroken for you. The unexplained aspects you describe are maddening to the extreme. How can one solve a mystery when there are not sufficient clues?

    Wishing you peace and strength. We’re here for you…

    October 24, 2009 at 5:02 pm
  • Reply Simple

    I can not imagine what you are feeling or thinking, but just know that you are not alone.

    Have you heard about CGH? I believe it’s a new form of genetic testing which tests all the cells of the embryo (instead of 9 in PGD)? I believe it takes weeks so the cycle timing is different.

    No matter what, I hope you find strength & peace.

    October 24, 2009 at 5:29 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    wishing you the strength, time and inner voice you need to guide you to a decision that you are 100% happy with. Keeping you in my prayers x-x

    October 24, 2009 at 7:49 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Unexplained IF is the cruelest thing. I am glad you are open to other options Shaz. For some their own child is the only option but looking down other paths means you will be a mom but i still hope you find the answers you need.

    October 24, 2009 at 8:54 pm
  • Reply Rach

    The unexplained was the reason for us giving up. How can you even strive for a solution when you don’t know what the problem is and after awhile it just became too much, to fail but not know the reason why, it’s enough to send you down the darkest hole without a ladder to get out, which is what it was doing to me.

    Big hugs and I hope you find a new path that will work for you and W xxxx

    October 25, 2009 at 12:11 am
  • Reply Dee

    Hi sweety, I just wanted to mention that often with “unexplained infertility” they suggest using a surro, I just want you to know that it might come up during your next appt. Not sure how you feel about it but with such perfect embies they often “test” them by using another uterus to see if it might infact work.

    CGH testing of embies is not available in SA as yet but that would be a good option for you guys because if the embie is genetically normal then there is a very very high chance that it will implant.

    October 26, 2009 at 9:14 am
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