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Why! God?

I know there is no answer to this question. I know there is no point to this blog posting. I know we’ll never know. But God? WHY???

Why does my womb remain barren and my heart yearning for a second child when there are babies thrown away or wombs ripe with babies that can’t be born?

Today has been a very painful day. It’s been a day of reminders. A day of receiving news too painful to imagine.

A Twitter friend who’s friend found a living, breathing new born baby, thrown in a Dustbin in Centurion. A perfectly healthy baby boy thrown away like a piece of garbage, unwanted, discarded. Why God? Why couldn’t you give that baby to me? Why couldn’t you have given him to anyone of my friends who yearn so desperately for a child to call there own?

One of my closest friends has been through hell this year. What started out as a silly accident has spiraled into her worst nightmare. One wrong move off a step resulting in a broken foot has spiraled into a nightmare of 6 months of hospital stays, surgeries and then deep vein thrombosis (DVT) that just won’t let up. Treatment after treatment of Warfarin that just won’t bring her blood levels to within normal range or dissolve the DVT that is potentially life threatening. And today news with an impossible decision. Finding out she’s 4 weeks pregnant and being booked for a termination next week. Between the Warfarin and the DVT there is little chance of a healthy baby or of her surviving the pregnancy and birth.

Why?

I’m so desperately sad for a child who’s life has started as unwanted.

For a friend forced to make a painful decision, end the life of her unborn child to save her own. Sacrifice her unborn child for the sake of her living children, for the sake of her husband.

For the impossible wait we face while my heart aches for a second child. A little brother or sister for Ava, another precious soul to expand our family and burst our hearts with even more joy.

 

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12 Comments

  • Reply TJ

    Sharon, my thoughts are with you today as you go through these thoughts. So sorry about the news your friend has to deal with.May she heal and recover soon! I wish we all knew the answers to these questions. Sadly we never will.

    (((Hugs)))

    July 27, 2011 at 1:09 pm
  • Reply Kimmie

    Why indeed…sigh!

    July 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    Oh that is so sad Sharon! What a horrible decision for your friend to have to make.
    There are some things that I think us human beings are just not meant to understand, but we must keep praying for a better life for everyone.

    July 27, 2011 at 2:04 pm
  • Reply myjourney7283

    You’re right. I wonder the same things. I ask God the same questions. Even through my own struggles I have to force myself to keep believing that God has a plan, and sometimes things get in the way of that plan. I’m sorry about your friend. My thoughts & prayers are with her.

    July 27, 2011 at 3:08 pm
  • Reply To Love Bella

    Age old question of an infertile.
    I am SO sorry about your friend. Just cannot imagine….

    July 28, 2011 at 6:23 am
  • Reply Bratty

    Oh dear…what an awful day! I am so sorry…no words of wisdom

    July 28, 2011 at 9:03 am
  • Reply karen

    Hi Sharon – my heart aches with you. Also had bad news yesterday regarding babies/not being pregnant AGAIN! Is there any way I can send you a PM regarding adoption?

    July 28, 2011 at 9:06 am
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    Who knows? It simply makes no sense and there are no answers. This is why a well meant platitude means less and less to me. I have given up trying to figure things out. The only thing I know for sure is that noone has it all figured out.

    July 28, 2011 at 10:15 am
  • Reply Rene'

    Ok I am going to snot and traan now at my desk. A few weeks ago a newborn baby was found just up the road from us also in Centurion. Breaks my heart in a million pieces and I have the same unanswerable question… Heartbreaking news about your friend as well.

    July 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    This post made me incredibly sad. So sorry Sharon.x

    Julia

    July 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm
  • Reply Why Why Why | Unwritten

    […] This can be such a loaded question sometimes. I was reading Sharon’s post earlier and it made my heart so very sore. It also made me think about where I am at with the […]

    July 28, 2011 at 10:16 pm
  • Reply CalT

    🙁 I wish we knew the answers sometimes. So terribly sorry about your friend and the heartbreaking decision she has to make and I am so sorry for your own feelings of pain. xxx

    July 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm
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