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Why I’ll Never Really Feel Part Of The “Mommy Club”

The day after Ava was born, my family in Cape Town threw a baby shower for me and at that shower, something I, along with all my infertile friends, had always believed was confirmed for me. There is such a thing as the “mommy club”, something my mommy friends had denied existed while I was struggling through an almost decade long struggle to become a mother.

I remember all my female friends and family were gathered at my Mom’s house, Ava was a day old, everyone was ooh’ing and aah’ing over her and after we’d all been given a glass of champagne, a toast was made celebrating Ava’s long awaited arrival in our family.

The toast went like this:

“Congratulations Sharon and welcome to THE CLUB!”

In that moment I knew that what I had always been excluded from despite the denials by some that it even existed, really did exist.

What I was not prepared for was how I’d feel about That club 2 years down the line. I don’t fit completely into that club, I probably never will. And that’s ok. I’ve not fitted into society’s norms for many years already, I was not fertile, initially while I could fall pregnant, I couldn’t stay pregnant and then even my ability to fall pregnant was lost. I was not a “normal” woman. My body could not do what most other women’s bodies could do, no matter how much I willed it to, no matter how much I begged, pleaded and prayed for it to do what so many took fore granted. I was not “normal”. Even within the infertility club, I didn’t really have a place I fitted, for a number of reasons, firstly because I could fall pregnant, some people felt that I didn’t have the right to mourn my 7 miscarriages in the way that I did because I always miscarried before there was a chance to see a heartbeat, apparently that makes the loss less, later on I didn’t completely fit because even IVF didn’t work for us 5  times, I didn’t fit because I knew what it was like to get a positive pregnancy test, and apparently that was some how supposed to make me feel better, I was considered lucky?!

I had thought that when I became a mother that would change, but it hasn’t. I still don’t fit into the neat little box that society has created as it’s definition of a mother. Some of these definitions I’ve taken on board, internalized and allowed to define how I see myself as a mother, with all of my short comings.

For example, the whole breast is best debate. While of course on an intellectual level I get that sentiment, it does aggravate my internal mothers guilt. I didn’t breast feed. I couldn’t breast feed. Even if I had taken Eglynol and followed the regimen to bring on breast milk in order to be able to breast feed my baby, it would have taken 6 weeks, I was given 6 days notice of Ava’s unexpected arrival in our lives. There was no time for me. I did still look into it as an option as I thought I could perhaps start on bottle feed and switch to breast feeding when my milk came down. But, after consulting with my GP and with my gynae, both of them concurred that the quality of my breast milk would not be good enough to sustain a baby exclusively as my body would not have the hormonal support that that of a pregnant and then breast feeding mother would have. So while I get this notion of breast is best, when I read/see debates on this issue, I can’t help feeling somehow judged and guilty because I didn’t give my baby THE best.

Mothers include their birth experience in part of what makes them a mother and while I did have a birth story, you can read it here: The Day The Universe Changed, and a very real, very raw and very beautiful experience to me, I do not know what it feels like to give birth.

There are a number of other things that make me feel different to most women in the “mommy club”. Comments, often made in a joking way but not directed at me, about genetics and the love a parent has for their child, sting. Some of the comments made, not intended to hurt me, do as I’ve often left feeling that some mom’s/parents feel that because their child is genetically their own they love their children more than I love Ava. I know most people will deny this, but there are subtle suggestions to the contrary that are often made by parents. It’s not easy for me to hear people make statements about how they could never adopt because they could never love someone elses child the way they love their own.

I’m also often left feeling out when it comes to mom’s seeking advice on something I’ve experienced as I do sometimes feel that the advice or experience I share is ignored. I do sometimes feel like a message is sent to me, in a non verbal way, that I’m not as much of a mother as  women who have given birth to their own off spring.

I know that all of these issues are mine and mine alone. A lot of what I feel is based on what society defines as a mother, that I’ve internalized and allowed myself to feel, despite on an intellectual level not buying into. I don’t want people to tip toe around me and always have to be careful of what they say because these are my issues and this posting is by no means a finger pointing, poor me, exercise.  We all have our crosses to bare, so to speak and this is mine to bare. Just like a mother raising a disabled child, or parenting post loss of a child or parenting a child with an illness. We just don’t quite fit into societies norm and as a result there will be things said and done that sting a little.

I have reached a place of acceptance. This is my journey to live and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I can’t imagine my life any other way, I can’t imagine my life without Ava in it. I can’t imagine a love any greater than that that I feel for her.

At our top up assessment for our second adoption application, our SW said something that really has stuck with me. She feels that all parents should get to experience both scenario’s, a pregnancy and a birth, to know the magic that that entails and an adoption to know the magic and love and extraordinary people involved in adoption.

So while some of the things I’ve discussed above do sting a little, I do feel very blessed to have been chosen for a path less traveled, to experience something so magical and so different that few will know the power of the emotions behind it and that’s what makes it ok to not feel fully part of the mommy club.

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29 Comments

  • Reply wynette1

    Wow good to know I not the only one feeling like this.I have stopped going to mommys groups. I can never explain why but I seem to leave with some kind of sting,something just not sitting right. I do feel bad about it and realise I cant let my feelings affect my little one and withdraw him or keep him from the world. But I so get it. I always thought when I had a little one finally i would be the same but now I have realised we will always be different and there will still always be people who will not understand. Thanks for your honesty…..

    January 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm
  • Reply Tamiya

    I’m not sure how to put my thoughts into words, so I’m just going to babble on and hope i make some kind of sense…

    Just like some men are called sperm donors, because the don’t fulfill their roles as parents, some women should be called egg donors, because they’re not worth the title of mother. Even if they gave ‘natural’ birth, that’s sometimes where it stops. I know a few of those kind…

    Wrt society’s view of what it entails to be a mother, i also failed miserably. Both my boys were c-section births. I couldn’t breastfeed them for longer than 3 and 6 weeks respectively. I wasn’t producing enough milk, and the little that i had wasn’t even quality enough tot sustain them. I literally (unknowngly) starved my first born for the first 3 weeks of his life 🙁 I felt like such a failure. I felt like my body let me down. They’re healthy and strong now, but i still feel guilty when i see those kinds of debates.

    My personal opinion have always been that adopted children and their parents (you) share a greater love. Even after all your heartache, you CHOSE your child, you chose to love her and have her and give her the best you can. You really REALLY wanted her. She was born from your heart!

    My friend at work was adopted. Her brother too. (from a different woman). She met her birth mother once. She told me that she thanked the woman, because she couldn’t have asked for better parents than her own. Blood alone does not make family.

    I follow your parenting journey on twitter, and you are doing an amazing job, Mama!

    January 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm
  • Reply K

    I’m really glad you wrote this, and I have so many reactions, not the least of which is a defensiveness kicking in and making me want to rip a new a-hole in anyone who makes you feel like less of a woman or mother! 😉

    About the breastfeeding thing, I’ve heard a lot of ignorant comments in my two plus years of TTC, but onr of the most ignorant didn’t actually have to do with TTC, but with breastfeeding. A friend’s wife had just given birth, and this admittedly cocky friend anyway said to me, “Well, formula will keep your baby alive, but breastmilk is liquid gold.” As if keeping your baby alive is something to dismiss off hand! Some people just have to make everything into a competition, when all any parent wants is the same thing…a healthy child.

    About the mommy club, oh there is SO a mommy club. And the fact the women deny its existence just proves it exists. Otherwise there would just be blank stares and confusion, not denial. There is definitely a club and when you ain’t in it, you ain’t in it. I wish I had more constructive words to say but all I can think is, screw em. You’re part of an even better, more exclusive club, consisting of you and your family.

    On not loving a child that isn’t genetically yours as much as one that is…wow, first of all I’m floored that people even subtle-y suggest something like that, never mind come right out and say it. Second, no rational person would deny that loving/raising an adopted child is different than one that shares your genetic makeup. But how do you measure love? How the hell does anyone know how much someone loves someone else? And what about all those genetical children out there who go unloved by their genetic families and parents? Again, it comes down to ignorance on so many people’s part.

    Also, and I say this as a daughter of an adoptee…I almost feel like if anything, if we were going to measure love, wouldn’t the adopted child possibly be the most loved of all? To love your genetic offspring is easy. It’s the “default.” It’s in our genes and our instinct to do so. But to love and care for a child that came to you through this day and ages’s adoption process? Who often doesn’t look like you? Who you had to fight tooth and nail for? How is that not one of the most beautiful loves in the universe.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I really loved this post 🙂 Good luck with your next adoption!

    January 29, 2012 at 3:38 pm
  • Reply adesolaf

    This brought tears to my eyes, bitter-sweet way 😉

    January 29, 2012 at 4:23 pm
  • Reply Tania

    Sjoe. I had about 100 thoughts, emotions and prepared reactions when I read this.
    You are completely right, there is a Mommy Club. I call them the Smug Mommy Club, and I am also sometimes a member of that club.
    You get to a point after you have had you baby for a while where you think you have all the answers and then you are brought back down to earth with a thud by your brood. I think the Mommy Club is born out of necessity to survive.
    Just smile and wave. We are all doing the best we can, but we can certainly do it having more respect for each other.

    January 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm
  • Reply Julia

    There is DEFINITELY a Mommy Club. Like Tania, I call them the Smug Moms. I haven’t had any of the experiences you had. I am not infertile, I birthed both my kids naturally (one with drugs, one without), I breastfed for 7 and 6 months.
    But. I am not part of that club either because of the fact that my kids are “different” or “special”, whichever way you want to look at it. They don’t fit the “normal” mould. I wrote a little bit about the fact that I feel conspicuous about it in this post: http://myorbit365.wordpress.com/2011/08/23/on-being-conspicuous/
    The smug mommy often assumes things and is generally rather judgemental. I have mostly come to terms with this and I no longer make an effort to “fit in”. To me, it simply is what it is and I’ve had to do a lot of growing to get to this point. I still have my moments but it’s not as bad as it was. And yes, I smile and wave. That is all you can do sometimes.
    I do think that society and it’s expectations and definitions of Motherhood are to blame for where we are at. And I do think that we are way too hard on ourselves a lot of the time. Having said that, I think that you are doing an awesome job with your girl and honestly, if she is happy and thriving then you don’t need no club to affirm you.
    xx

    January 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm
  • Reply Lea White

    Trust me I don’t belong in that neat little club either. I avoid Mommy forums like the plague.

    I couldn’t breast feed either of my children. I tried, but failed. And then chose to not pay attention to what others were saying. My kids turned out fine.

    There will come a time that the discussions won’t revolve around birth stories anymore. Because children will be at another stage.

    You hang in there. Surround yourself with people who are able to accept you and your story. There are a number of mums here who are so very different to how I am. That’s why I don’t go to play centre where they all stand around drinking their cups of tea and marvel at their great parenting styles while they fuss non stop over their children. I am a great mum and I love my kids, but I also like doing things for me.

    January 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm
  • Reply Maggie

    The mommy club. I’m glad to hear it said out loud. I am in a weird category. I probably could fall pregnant and have a baby, but I can’t try, because of the medication I am on for my MS. And I can’t go off the medicine! In the meantime, my heart is breaking into a million little pieces over it – and the mommy club is everwhere, with their insensitive remarks and patronising platitudes. Sharon, I happen to be in awe of how you are raising Ava. You are my inspiration. You do not know how much your blog means to me. It is giving me a lot of hope!

    January 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      (((hugs))) I can only imagine how painful this must be for you Mags!

      January 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Elisabeth

    I’m a new reader of your blog, and I enjoy reading about your experiences and insights. I too feel like I don’t belong with the ‘cool’ moms, but I have no specific reason to think so. And by that I mean that I am a pretty average mom with average (but wonderful of course :-)) kids and a normal experience of pregnancy and child rearing. My point is that we probably all feel like this, regardless of our circumstances. Isn’t it just a female thing, to always suspect other’s judgement, always feel guilty and never be good enough? I’m sure the majority of the moms out there question themselves and feel just as left out, I know I do. Thanks for sharing.

    January 29, 2012 at 11:27 pm
  • Reply To Love Bella

    I totally agree with you. This is why I have removed myself from ‘other’ scenario’s. It is something that I will never be able to explain properly enough. The other side of the coin is that I often wonder whether mothers who’ve not adopted feel as if we adoptive mom’s put ourselves in a special little box and that we need to be treated with care. It’s NOT that.

    January 30, 2012 at 7:13 am
  • Reply Gwen

    I’m one of the “Mommy Club? What Mommy Club?” ones, I’m afraid. But I’m a bit clueless about that sort of thing generally. Oddly enough, very few of my friends, especially female friends, have children.

    When Luke was born one particularly special (male) specimen sent me a text message saying “Welcome to parenthood!” I remember thinking “Fuck you, I know things about being a parent that you pray you’ll never know.”

    January 30, 2012 at 9:44 am
  • Reply Sian

    I feel the same way, although I haven’t experienced all the scenarios. Its that feeling that….you are a mom but are quietly singled out as different. Your blog has inspired so many posts that I need to write! So many posts so little time.

    January 30, 2012 at 10:01 am
  • Reply Nisey

    I’m in an interesting space right now – ALL (except 1) of my friends are at various stages of gestation so naturally a lot of the conversation does revolve around stuff that I can’t relate to! Its a bit weird because my friends are not those ‘all about the kids’ type of people but with everyone being pregnant at the same time it is hard for the conversation not to head that way…

    They do include me as best they can and ask if we’re going to adopt again etc but it is frighteningly obvious now in a way that it wasn’t before that we’re a different family.

    I of course try to embrace that uniqueness – I’ve always followed ‘the path less travelled’ and in fact in my matric yearbook my blurb was from Robert Frost ‘two paths diverged in a wood and I, I took the path less travelled’

    There is a lot to be said for being different and forging new roads – making peace with who we are and where we have been our paths though, I believe, are neither better nor worse, they are simply our own.

    There is a belief in yogic philosophy that the harder your path the closer you are to God – some of us must be almost in touching distance 😉

    January 30, 2012 at 11:01 am
  • Reply Jenny

    You see I just have an issue with Nisey’s last comment. I totally agree with you that some mothers are arseholes and a lot gets said – (and a lot should be ‘allowed’ to be said) – without judgement or forethought on either side. Because I breastfed my kids, am I not allowed to talk about it incase I offend somebody who couldn’t or chose not to? Of course not. Because I had my kids with (fairly) little medical intervention and heartache does that make my bond any less special or my kids any less wanted or indeed any of us any less close to God? Of course not. A lot of the time we get offended by something because of OUR own issues (the point you do make Sharon) and in fact if you read the other person’s mind you would be surprised that you don’t actually come into it. IE: moms are too sensitive. We take things too personally when in fact all any of us are doing is thinking about ourselves only. For the record Shaz – I don’t know what it is like to give birth either but I can empathise with what it must be like to push a sack of potatoes out your vjj. I don’t know what it is like to wait 60 days in total dread but I can empathise with the thought of losing something you love so completely. I will never avoid anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable or judged because I am never sure if that is the intent, or just the way I receive it. Once I have asked, and it still happens, that’s when I bow out.

    January 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      You have never offended me and I certainly hope that my blog posting has not offended you as it was not my intent. I was simply stating why I sometimes feel left out, of course, I don’t expect anyone to temper their words for my benefit, as I said in my posting, I don’t want people to tip toe around me, these are my issues and a lot of it plays into my mothers guilt, like for eg, the breast feeding debate, every time I see it it stabs me, not the person saying, because of course I realize it’s not their intent to hurt me, but it plays into the guilt I have because I couldn’t give Ava the best? Does that make sense?
      I agree, Mom’s are sensitive but I do think a lot of it is our own way of trying to make sure we’re doing a good enough job and there are a lot of things said that often make me feel like I don’t quite measure up, as I’m sure a lot of Mom’s feel that way.
      As for my circumstance, I do think it’s special, it is a path less traveled and I do feel blessed to be on it, but then I’m also cognizant of the fact that every mother feels her journey is special.
      My aim really with this posting, as with most of my postings is to give other people some insight into my fairly unique journey. Its my mission through my blog to create awareness and understanding surrounding adoption as well as breaking some of the stigma’s and generalizations that people have about a subject that is fairly misunderstood by a lot of people.
      I do feel different and I often feel left out but as I said in my blog posting I know a lot of that has to do with me taking on board and internalizing statements and circumstances that I shouldn’t.
      Do you know what I mean?

      January 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm
    • Reply Nisey

      hey jenny, the little wink at the end was meant to convey that the last comment was said in jest… as I said in my post neither path is better now worse we’re all simply on our own paths.

      January 31, 2012 at 11:23 am
  • Reply Laura

    I get this Sharon – I understand what you are saying but take comfort in the fact that sometimes I dont feel part of the mommy club.

    And without sounding ungrateful or making light of your story – I did not enjoy breastfeeding for one single second. I loathed it but felt compelled to at least “try” but honestly I would rather have not done it. I never once blogged about my birth stories – my kids are little miracles and blessings but how they came into the world is not “important” to me – I never felt it defined me or was a part of my “story” – I voice this and I voice the fact I happily had 3 caesars and will happily have another one if we end up there.

    This makes me tetter on the edge of the mommy club a lot.

    YOU belong to MY club! YOU have had sleepless nights, vomit on you, tvs drawn on, temper tantrums, a sick child. Together we feel inadequate some days, we just want to sleep on others, we dont want to be scrubbing crayon off walls, we worry about schools we choose, lunches we pack, decisions we make!

    This makes you the kind of mom in my club! It doesnt matter where our babies came from – it matters that we have them and that joins us – always!

    January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks Laura! I love your comment! Your Mommy Club is the club I want to be apart of.

      January 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Yay Laura that is what I meant. You put it much better than me. But I get Sharon’s point too and that is her feeling and this is her blog which is why it’s so fab to blog cos it gives such great insight into everyone’s lives!

    January 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Bratty

    The good news is that besides the fact that I was pregnant, breastfed and all those “good” things, I am not part of the “Mommys Club” (and will never be)….I think there is an expiry date on the membership…those over 30 must please not pass begin. Be glad you are not part of a Moms club…cause that way you do not pick up any “bad” habits and you get to do it “your way”…

    Can I have a “hoohah” for all the “Non-Mommy club members”

    January 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm
  • Reply zamom

    This might sound a bit harsh but I’m very glad I don’t move in the same circles that you move. I have friends that have adopted and those that haven’t, some struggled to fall pregnant and some didn’t, some gave natural birth and some didn’t, some breastfed and some didn’t, some home school and most don’t, some work and some don’t, some cooked their own children’s food and some don’t, etc,etc. and I have never,ever seen or heard anyone being judged by anyone else for their decision or circumstances. Thank goodness I seem to have only been around people who are supportive of each other, making meals for those that have just had babies or lost babies or have newborn twins as well as 2 other kids and so need a lot of help to get through whatever they are getting through. You help out anyway you can because you know that at some point or another it will be you needing the help and support. This is probably a massive generalisation but purely my opinion (based on people I know living in Joburg) but child-rearing seems to be all about nannies and night nurses and a whole army of people raising the children leaving the moms with far too much time to be nasty and judgemental of everyone else who dares to be different, rather than trying to be supportive. Our very backward city does live up to it’s friendly reputation. I have cooked more meals for other families and looked after/ helped out /given and received advice with more children and babies in my almost 3 years in PE than I ever did in my 5 years in Cape Town.

    January 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Thanks for your comment Katherine, but I think my posting may have been misleading. It’s not the circles I travel in that make me feel that way. All of my IRL mommy friends are mothers post infertility or adoption, so they get me, warts and all. It’s society’s definitions of what makes a good mother that often leave me feeling guilt ridden or less than good enough.
      As for the people you know from Johannesburg, how sad, they sound positively awful but thankfully that has not been my experience. I’ve found Jo’burgers, since moving here 10 years ago to be the most social and nice people I’ve met so far, a far cry from the cliqueiness of living in Cape Town. Granted, there is more money here and that does make for snobbery but then that definitely depends on the circle one travels in.

      January 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm
      • Reply zamom

        Glad to hear, I was getting rather worried!! My experience is based on my SIL’s who both had au pairs and night nannies and all their friends that seem to have nannies plus domestics plus night nurses,etc. (and take them all along on holiday)and then one other friend who was about the only SAHM that she knew that didn’t have a nanny for the kids so all the moms could meet up for coffee dates/gym/you name it without the children(!!). I mean once in a while yes or if the kids are at school but not all the time. I’m sorry for me it’s got nothing to do with having enough money it’s all about raising your own child. No wonder some of them are so smug and opinionated – they probably don’t know the first thing about how tough it is to raise a child as they’re not doing it themselves. Sorry just drives me a bit crazy.

        January 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm
  • Reply Pandora

    Oh, the Mommy club!
    When I was in Matric (a very long time ago) I had a very close friend a few years older, and she had a baby that year. I went through the whole pregnancy with her and she told me every little detail about pregnancy and childbirth in graphic detail, good, bad and downright ugly. To my surprise, over the years, other women describing this seemed to just fudge over the bad and ugly, and it was all moonlight and roses. Are they telling their stories in such a way that they will fit in, leaving out things that seem ‘not the norm’ to ‘the club’? I have my suspicions.

    To Love Bella commented about people thinking that adoptive moms want to be in a special box. I am always amazed when someone comments that my daughter is so lucky we adopted her, or that we did such a great thing, when in reality, we are the lucky ones, and the priveledge is entirely ours. I just want to be her mom, I don’t want to be in a special box.
    Just among the few adoptive moms I follow on blogs etc, there is a vast differences in experiences. Can we not just share our experiences as mothers without judgement? Does it have to be this way VS that way, why not this way OR that way? I agree, sometimes we read into comments people made, hearing things that were not intended, and sometimes, in my experience, they really are intended, no doubt about it.
    My take in this whole thing is this: If someone feels that I love my child less or that I am less of a mother because she is adopted, I DO NOT want to be part of any ‘club’ this person belongs to. Ever.

    January 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Zamom boy, talk about judgemental and opinionated oh, and smug? Live and let live dear. That is exactly the problem with moms. Why do we judge others when we do not even know what path they walk? If you don’t agree with it, smile and wave.

    January 31, 2012 at 9:59 am
  • Reply cat@jugglingact

    Firstly, I am sorry that you did not get to experience the ” usual path” but super glad you get to experience your path – one I would have loved to do if it was not that we ended up with the no 2 and 3 in one scenario.

    One thing I can say – very few moms experience everything. Very few of us did the full Monty of natural unaided brith, long term breast feeding and whatever else you might see as ideal motherhood. And it is extremely blasé to assume we all did. So no one should – we are all just as much moms as the other. And just as worthy regardless of the rest.

    January 31, 2012 at 10:57 am
  • Reply TJ

    Sharon, I kinda get what you’re saying. I have been wanting to post about BF and Birthing because they are close to my heart, but I’m so afraid of offending people. If I tell my story I will probably offend many many women – when all I want to do is to relay my own thought processes – some good – some bad.

    I have to admit I have never felt like part of any Mommy Club. Whether it was because I was the younger of the bunch, or PND, or the delayed development of my son. There was always something that made me feel very out. I didn’t want to be ‘in’ the club because while others may compare and criticise, I myself would compare Xavier to other children. So it was best for me to stay away from it. The issues surrounding my sons development really hurts me when I read about other children speaking new words – it stings real bad, my son can’t even ride a black bike properly, so when I see other children his age run and jump and climb it hurts. I feel like a bad mother. But these too are my issues to deal with. I know the intention is not out there to hurt me – so I must deal with them.

    However, you should never need to feel less than, EVER! I like Laura’s Mommy Club! Can I join that one too?

    January 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm
  • Reply MeeA

    I’m one of those disgustingly fertile women who fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. I’ve had 4 babies, all of whose births were different, each one wonderful in its own way. And now I’m done making babies.

    But I have also never fit in with the mommy club and, being who I am, I’ve never wanted to.
    I’m pretty much opposed to the idea on principle. Don’t ask me *what* principle exactly, but still.

    Anyone who would argue that it takes biology, functioning reproductive organs, to be a parent needs to be slapped upside the head. Repeatedly. By their logic, the 14 year old heroin addict/prostitute that gets pregnant and has a baby whom she then goes on to abuse and neglect until that poor child either dies or is mercifully removed from her, is a bona fide mother… Sorry, not buying it for a second!

    “Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of little children.” William Makepeace Thackeray

    February 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm
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