I really want to say thank you to everyone who bravely took the time to comment on yesterday’s posting about the strain that having a baby puts on ones marriage. It takes guts to stand up and be counted. Trust me, it took a serious amount of guts for me to even type that posting but there is one reason and one reason only that I did it:
Because too many women hide how damn difficult having a baby is. We look at happy smiling photo’s on FaceBook and happy little family updates when in truth the proverbial shit is actually hitting the fan behind closed doors, or is so carefully hidden you’d never actually see it.
So when our turn comes around and suddenly we’re a mess, we can smell our own breath and not sure if we put deodorant on that day, the house is a pig sty and the baby has pooped for the 3rd time that day and we’re exhausted and overwhelmed and hating our husbands. And we’ve just had the 10th argument in the last 2 days about whose turn it is change the pooh nappy – we wouldn’t be so shocked by the situation we found ourselves in. We wouldn’t be so convinced that we are complete and utter failures as women, as wives and as mothers. Instead, we’d know it was all perfectly normal!
We pay so much lip service to sisterhood, when in fact, half the time I’m not even sure we actually understand what that means. It’s so easy to say… “don’t worry, it gets easier” but how about saying… “damn it was so hard”. Why are we so afraid of being truthful about just how difficult the transition to motherhood is?
And the truly amazing thing is that my post from yesterday must have touched a nerve because it has been viewed in excess of 300 times in the past 24 hours. Yes folks, that’s 300 hundred … three hundred… times!
So yes, I’m not ashamed to admit it. Transitioning to motherhood was damn hard and it definitely took its toll on my marriage and the strain that infertility placed on my marriage pales in comparison to the transition to motherhood. And I know for a fact, from all the comments received on the posting as well as the private emails and messages from Mom’s around the world who made the transition, that I was not alone! That it is in fact quite normal. The words divorce, separation, don’t know how to cope, at a complete loss, were tossed around me yesterday by a large number of women who identified with what I said.
So thanks again for bravely standing up and owning it and the process helping me to not feel like such a complete failure because of how I have struggled.