junoYesterday, while lying in bed for a third day straight, battling the flu, I watched Juno. Its the second time I’ve seen the movie, but this time, it had my undivided attention and I could really really imagine what it must be like on both sides of the coin.

I especially related to the adoptive Mom. When she was painting the baby’s room, months before the baby was due and her husband kept telling her it was too early to be choosing paint colours, I’d be like that, that will be me one day.When she was so totally overwhelmed and touched while talking to the baby and touching Juno’s tummy, while crouched on her knees in the middle of the shopping mall – I can relate to that. How anxious and uptight she was all the time. I kept imagining myself in her shoes, waiting to hear if its all approved, being terrified that the birth mother would change her mind.

I suppose I can relate to so much of this adoptive Mom mostly because I’ve been there, twice. We’ve had two failed private adoption attempts. The first one, it went right down to the wire, W & I were short listed along with one other couple. However, the other couple paid donations to the BM’s church (something sounding fishy to you too) and wouldn’t you just know it, they failed the health screening but because it was a private adoption the BM insisted on selecting them. It was devastating, a little girl was born, we were so close and yet so far.

The second adoption attempt was also a private adoption, but after all the negotiotions were said and done, the BM decided to go for an abortion, I did everything I possbiley could to convince her otherwise, but it just wasn’t enough.

So I suppose its easy to see why I related to well to the BM. I had stars in my eyes during both of those attempts, I don’t think I can put myself through that kind of disappointment again.