And my anxiety levels are through the roof. Since yesterday I’ve been having heart palpitations and what feels like shortness of breathe with loads of butterflies in my tummy.

I think the reality of IVF #4 has finally hit home and suddenly I’m not that excited. In fact I’m feeling so anxious I’ve even thought about postponing the whole process. Except I’ll be even more anxious if I do that.

I’m not looking forward to the daily injections, to the constant discomfort, to feeling like my ovaries are being shot with rubber bands and that my insides will explode each time I laugh/sneeze/cough/use the loo as my ovaries are stimulated and work about 10x harder than they normally would.

I’m nervous for the ER – mostly because my last ER was so horrifically traumatic so I’m really looking forward to getting that part behind me.

But then there is the psychological torture of fertilization reports and the 2ww.

But for now I’m trying to focus on just controlling my anxiety, of nothing thinking about all the pass/fail points, about all the what if’s…………….