Infertility, its an odd journey, its full of surprises and set backs and twists and turns. I think its something we can all agree on, we all embarked on this journey with a set goal and a set idea of what we’d be willing to do in order to achieve that goal but for the bulk of us unfortunate enough not to have success with the entry level options, our idea of what we’d be willing to do changes rather drastically.
My journey is a case in point. I started out on this journey being so utterly terrified of a needle that the first beta test I ever had was so traumatic that I cried pitifully the whole way through it. Then after surviving a number of threatened and then actual miscarriages and having loads of blood tests done, the fear of a blood test decreased and I started thinking about going to see an RE. That was a big hurdle for me, because I don’t especially like Dr’s and I just new that once we got there there would be a bunch more unpleasant tests. I remember crying my heart out after my first consultation and hearing the news that I required a laparoscopy. I remember being utterly terrified for the administration of my first trigger injection and even more terrified of my first stimmed (Gonal F) stimmed/triggered cycle. When we moved onto IVF I was scared of the daily injections and of the egg retrieval, I was very afraid of the egg retrieval. Then I had my second and third IVF’s and they didn’t seem so bad…. then we moved backwards to IUI, which after IVF seemed likea cake walk in comparison for me.
One of the reasons why I delayed my move over to Vitalab was because I was afraid of going through all the poking and prodding and testing all over again. But, the finish line moved again and so I made the move. They poked, they prodded and they tested and then they announced that I required another laparoscopy and this time I was a little scared but not tearful and overwrought with fear like the previous time. When IVF #4 started I even injected myself, did all my own stimming and trigger injections. I was really proud of how far I had come, from the girl who cried her heart out during a blood test to this warrior woman who could stick needles into herself without flinching.
Another case in point… Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now, something which Martiza’sBFP has confirmed for me… should I require another fresh cycle (and God willing I won’t) after my two FET attempts, then I will be requesting that my next fresh attempt incorporate the GIFT method. In my mind, that speaks volumes of how far I’m (we) are all willing to go to achieve the goal of parenthood. I’m going to willingly request to inject myself daily to stimulate eggs, I’ll then undergo egg retrieval and laparoscopic surgery all in one go, followed by two weeks of Intralipid infusions and self administers Progesterone and Estrogen shots.
Who is this warrior woman? And what happened to the terrified, quivering woman who wanted to faint and the sight of a needle?
Big up’s and respect to ALL of us Warrior Woman!!!