48 Hours In

And I’ve just crossed the threshold of what, in my experience, sets IVF apart from other fertility treatments in terms of the 2ww. I’m on CD20, 48 hours past transfer, if I’d had an IUI or a timed cycle, I’d still be blissfully unaware of whether fertilization had even occurred. Not so with IVF, by this point, one of two things will have happened……..

One or more of my embryo’s will have implanted and be snuggling into the lining of my uterus or they will have died off by now and will be shed along with my lining in about another 8 to 9 days time. That thought is driving me crazy. My mind is in over drive wondering, hoping, praying…….

Of course, its also too early to look for signs or symptoms, and even if there are any signs or symptoms, because of the trigger injection, the Gestone injections and the Estrogen tablets and patches, none of what I feel can be trusted.

Last night I told W I can’t believe I’m doing this to myself again. I hate the lack of control I have, I hate how my mind wonders to places I don’t want it to wonder to, I hate how I battle to concentrate and even when I do manage to knuckle down to a task, that thought is still floating around in the back of my mind, even in the moments of clarity when I’m able to be “normal” that thought is there just below the surface of my conscious thoughts.

For now, aside from feeling like I’m going slightly mad, I’m still ok, but I know that this is the start of a downward spiral and that within the next few days I’m going to get very very tearful as the wondering and waiting gets worse and worse.

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  • Reply Lea White

    As long as you remember how many of us are there for you, holding you ever so tightly in our thoughts and prayers. You are indeed very much loved and cared for by so many of us!

    October 1, 2009 at 8:30 am
  • Reply K

    I second Lea.. we’ll be there for you when you can’t be there for yourself xxx

    October 1, 2009 at 9:06 am
  • Reply Abs

    Sending huge hugs filled with lots of love and support no matter what the outcome is for us both! xx

    October 1, 2009 at 9:49 am
  • Reply SCY

    *sigh* The 2ww SUCKS! And I’ve found that the more you do this the sooner the obsession starts – like just after transfer.

    Just know we’re all here for you.


    October 1, 2009 at 9:53 am
  • Reply Misty

    Keeping u in my thoughts and prayers.

    October 1, 2009 at 10:12 am
  • Reply Gwen

    No words of wisdom, the 2WW is what it is. Lots of hugs though!

    October 1, 2009 at 11:30 am
  • Reply sassy

    Oh honey I know, I know. I hate it too. Sending hugs and hope your way… xoxo

    October 1, 2009 at 12:18 pm
  • Reply Beth

    Thinking of you…
    2ww is just the worst time ever..

    October 1, 2009 at 12:31 pm
  • Reply Tam

    Here here!! We’re all here cheering you on Shaz, if only love and prayers could make the difference between a BFP and a BFN, if that were the case you’d be well on your way!!

    Thinking of you, this is such a shit time!!

    October 1, 2009 at 12:54 pm
  • Reply Invivo

    Thinking of you babes! ((Hugs))

    October 1, 2009 at 1:06 pm
  • Reply Adi

    Just know that a lot of people are thinking of you. And every time your mind takes a trip down memory lane, just close it off and visualise that little one swimming around, then snuggling into your womb, safely, happily, as it was meant to be. There will be enough time for memories a week and a bit from now – now, it is only about today, right this moment, and right now it is all happening down there, all your prayers are guiding that little one to its spot. Hang in there. Min dae.

    October 1, 2009 at 1:35 pm
  • Reply Rach

    Oh hon.

    I second all the ladies who have previously said that your very own cheer squad is here, ready and waiting to spring into action and I’m PROUD to be a member!!


    October 1, 2009 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    Lots and lots of {{{hugs}}}. I am praying hard for you.

    October 1, 2009 at 2:37 pm
  • Reply niobe

    Sending thoughts and prayers.

    October 1, 2009 at 4:44 pm
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