Adoption – 6 Degrees of Separation

Wikipedia defines 6 degrees of separation as follows:

 Six degrees of separation is the theory that everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world, so that a chain of “a friend of a friend” statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps.

We’ve all heard the theory right? And often, I’ve found myself astounded by how true this theory seems to be.

Especially with Ava’s birth mom and I. From the moment I met her, I felt a bond with her, there was a familiarity there that I couldn’t explain. A feeling in my gut that told me we knew each other. We belonged together, we were always destined to be linked together. It’s been weird at times, now that we’re friends on Face Book, seeing that we actually have some friends and acquaintances in common. The more I see this happen, the more I wonder how I never met her before she gave birth to Ava. It’s uncanny.

On Friday night, I was having dinner with two friends of mine, we are all adoptive mothers. One thing led to another and the conversation turned to all things adoption. We have 5 adoptive children between the 3 of us and every adoption story is so vastly different to the other.

There’s one thing about adoptive parents, we rarely share our stories, or our children’s stories, or the intimacy of the details surrounding the circumstances and events of our children’s adoptions with anyone, except other adoptive parents, because we know they will get it, without making insensitive comments or flip remarks, that while not intended to hurt, really really do. So it’s our safe place. A place to share without judgement or fear and a safe place that is filled with mutual respect for all parties in the adoption triad. Anyway, I digress… back to Friday night.

We started chatting about our children’s stories and then one thing led to another and of course, we are all honest enough to admit that we secretly stalk about children’s birth parents on social media and then we started sharing some more.

I found Hannah’s birth father on Face Book, he’s a musician and has a bit of a following so he’s not hard to find. What I saw though shocked me. We have a mutual friend. Not an acquaintance. An actual friend!

I immediately felt like I had invaded his privacy and it was horrible.

It’s all fine and well that they stalk me, I don’t care, I have nothing to hide but I don’t know the details of his choice to place Hannah. I don’t know if he has told anyone or how open he is about that. I don’t know if he wants anyone to know. I don’t know if he will want a relationship with Hannah one day, or to even be found by her one day and the whole thing made me uncomfortable.

To be honest, I’m a little freaked out. What happens if we get invited over to this friend’s house, I mean it’s not likely but what if we go there and he’s there? So many unknowns and what if’s… so much mystery and yet openness… it’s all very unnerving. 

Sometimes I just feel like life was easier when we were less connected, it was simpler not knowing how many turns you had to take to get to find that degree of separation.


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  • Reply Heather

    That is uncanny but it just shows how no one is an island – we are all connected in some way.

    May 30, 2016 at 8:20 pm
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