Thanks for all the messages of support over my last two blog postings about the big ol’ can o’ worms that has been opened and the big decisions which need to be made. Walter and I have spoken in-depth about this and have, I think, formulated a way forward that is comfortable for both of us.

The truth is, we both want a second child. We both want Ava to know what its like to grow up with both the joy and irritation of a little brother or little sister.  And of course, we realistically realize that we don’t have the same liberty of just assuming that a few rounds of couch rugby will see us achieve those goals. We both realize, it will take another great miracle for this to happen. But we are both committed to doing the work to be able to receive that miracle, in whatever way, shape, or form that may be, I learned along time ago on this journey NEVER to limit the miracle.

One of the things we won’t be doing is a Valentines day special IVF this month or the next. The simple fact of the matter is that R19 000 is still a large chunk of change. And while we do have the funds, we would rather be spending our money on our second adoption attempt, which commences at the end of March and our application to emigrate (which is far more expensive than an IVF at full price or an adoption attempt).

We are seeing our SW’s on the 25th March for the top up assessment, and are ready to go immediately onto the waiting list. I realize that it would be down right stupid of us to expect that we would be selected immediately like we were the last time but I am hopeful that we don’t have a very long wait for selection.

In the interim our plans for emigration are going ahead with the full support of our SW and of course our migration consultants, who have encouraged us to adopt before leaving SA as adoption in Australia is apparently near impossible.

If we are no further with our adoption attempt by January 2012, we will make a consultation appointment with this other clinic. I am far enough down the IF road to know that you don’t just change clinics and hop straight into an IVF. There will be some top up tests that are required and we have spoken seriously about using an Egg Donor as with my history of recurrent MC’s I’m just not sure I’m willing to try another IVF with my own eggs. A lot of my readers and IF friends seem shocked that I can be so fickle as to move from one of the clinics perceived by many to be the best, not just because of what they offer, but because all 3 of the Dr’s there also happen to be the nicest and most caring people one could ever hope to meet. And while I understand that sentiment, and was, right up until this big ol’ can o’ worms was opened, of the same mind. However, I have given this some thought and the logical side of me realizes that fertility clinics are in the business of making babies and at the end of the day, it’s a business and we need to make a business decision and go where we believe our chances of success are the greatest, currently, this clinic is having very high success rates and this seems to be mostly attributed to their fairly new embryologist. It’s not because their facilities are better or the Dr’s nicer. This is not an emotional decision, it’s a business decision. I made the mistake once in the past of using my heart instead of my head and I stayed at my first clinic far longer than I should have, put myself through far more than I should have and spent way more than we should have.

So we have a plan, one I’m comfortable with and one that does not overwhelm me with fear, neither does it leave me being concerned that one day I will look back and wonder what if???

I guess you can never say never! You can never say you wouldn’t try IVF! You can never say you wouldn’t try and adopt! You can never say you would never use donor eggs or donor sperm! You can never say you wouldn’t use a surrogate because the simple fact of the matter is none of us know what we would or wouldn’t do, not till it came right down to the wire, not until we were backed against a wall and had to make a decision.