A Plan

Thanks for all the messages of support over my last two blog postings about the big ol’ can o’ worms that has been opened and the big decisions which need to be made. Walter and I have spoken in-depth about this and have, I think, formulated a way forward that is comfortable for both of us.

The truth is, we both want a second child. We both want Ava to know what its like to grow up with both the joy and irritation of a little brother or little sister.ย  And of course, we realistically realize that we don’t have the same liberty of just assuming that a few rounds of couch rugby will see us achieve those goals. We both realize, it will take another great miracle for this to happen. But we are both committed to doing the work to be able to receive that miracle, in whatever way, shape, or form that may be, I learned along time ago on this journey NEVER to limit the miracle.

One of the things we won’t be doing is a Valentines day special IVF this month or the next. The simple fact of the matter is that R19 000 is still a large chunk of change. And while we do have the funds, we would rather be spending our money on our second adoption attempt, which commences at the end of March and our application to emigrate (which is far more expensive than an IVF at full price or an adoption attempt).

We are seeing our SW’s on the 25th March for the top up assessment, and are ready to go immediately onto the waiting list. I realize that it would be down right stupid of us to expect that we would be selected immediately like we were the last time but I am hopeful that we don’t have a very long wait for selection.

In the interim our plans for emigration are going ahead with the full support of our SW and of course our migration consultants, who have encouraged us to adopt before leaving SA as adoption in Australia is apparently near impossible.

If we are no further with our adoption attempt by January 2012, we will make a consultation appointment with this other clinic. I am far enough down the IF road to know that you don’t just change clinics and hop straight into an IVF. There will be some top up tests that are required and we have spoken seriously about using an Egg Donor as with my history of recurrent MC’s I’m just not sure I’m willing to try another IVF with my own eggs. A lot of my readers and IF friends seem shocked that I can be so fickle as to move from one of the clinics perceived by many to be the best, not just because of what they offer, but because all 3 of the Dr’s there also happen to be the nicest and most caring people one could ever hope to meet. And while I understand that sentiment, and was, right up until this big ol’ can o’ worms was opened, of the same mind. However, I have given this some thought and the logical side of me realizes that fertility clinics are in the business of making babies and at the end of the day, it’s a business and we need to make a business decision and go where we believe our chances of success are the greatest, currently, this clinic is having very high success rates and this seems to be mostly attributed to their fairly new embryologist. It’s not because their facilities are better or the Dr’s nicer. This is not an emotional decision, it’s a business decision. I made the mistake once in the past of using my heart instead of my head and I stayed at my first clinic far longer than I should have, put myself through far more than I should have and spent way more than we should have.

So we have a plan, one I’m comfortable with and one that does not overwhelm me with fear, neither does it leave me being concerned that one day I will look back and wonder what if???

I guess you can never say never! You can never say you wouldn’t try IVF! You can never say you wouldn’t try and adopt! You can never say you would never use donor eggs or donor sperm! You can never say you wouldn’t use a surrogate because the simple fact of the matter is none of us know what we would or wouldn’t do, not till it came right down to the wire, not until we were backed against a wall and had to make a decision.

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  • Reply tiina1977

    That sounds like a very good plan. You are not rushing it but what you have done is to give yourself “permission” to do another cycle if needed. It takes the stress away with regards to the “what ifs” but it also gives you leeway to pursue other avenues, like you have done before.

    Good for you!

    March 1, 2011 at 12:43 pm
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    You are absolutely right about that. Never say never. It really sounds like a good plan to me. Here’s to more miracles Shaz!!!!! xxx

    March 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm
  • Reply Nisey

    I love your plan! I love that its flexible but has a clear direction. You know where you’re going and you’ll get there one way or another.

    Here’s to another miracle!

    March 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm
  • Reply coachmarcia

    You know what? it’s not even me but your plan FEELS right to me too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I know to never say never. I said never to IVF – can you believe it! – until it was the only way…………..

    Marcia from

    March 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply pandoragelb

    I think this is a great way forward. It doesn’t put too much pressure on you at this point.

    March 1, 2011 at 9:22 pm
  • Reply charnetrollip

    hey S

    sounds like a great plan wishing you all the best for the future

    and yes i agree never say never, :))

    i was told a long time ago, to open doors to recieve your miracle and trust that God will close the doors that he does not want open ๐Ÿ™‚

    March 2, 2011 at 6:50 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    Ok sorry – I’ve been on a bit of a low-down…
    Although my mind is (currently) made up – I won’t ever have IVF again, I OFTEN sit and wonder (or wait?) whether my mind will change later on … and as you say in your last paragraph, one REALLY shouldn’t say never! After IVF#1 – I said NEVER, EVER AGAIN (I’d rather suffer another miscarriage!!). After IVF#2 – I said NEVER to donor eggs. After DEIVF#3 – I said NEVER to adoption. And after DEIVF#4…………… I have my Isabella. So there you go then!
    I hatehatehaaaated IVF and everything that it entailed. From the pricks to the cams to the dragonness…… Right about now, it’s not something I want to relive in a hurry.
    Ask me again in about 1 year ๐Ÿ˜‰ my mind may change!
    Because I really do love teeny tiny snuggly babies….. and what if Isabella starts asking for a sibling….?????

    March 2, 2011 at 7:12 am
  • Reply dee

    Sounds like a plan to me.

    I stayed way to long at my previous clinic because “they seemed to know what they were doing” and “they knew my history” and “were nice to me”. I should have stopped thinking like a woman. As you say its a business not a friendship and you need to treat it that way.

    March 2, 2011 at 9:03 am
  • Reply trishdg

    Great plan and I am always a big fan of having back-up plans and never saying never. Good luck and hope everything works out for the best and in the mean time you have that gorgeous daughter of yours to keep you busy.

    March 2, 2011 at 9:54 am
  • Reply mayflowerladybugs

    Sounds like a great plan. I had my IVF’s at another clinic altogether, and did have the success at #2. Although I know the doc’s at your old clinic (one personally from way back when he was still specializing) I have had my secret doubts about the particular clinic, also because of some bits of inside info I have. Not that I am saying they aren’t also good, just that I think trying another clinic with a good reputation cannot do any harm at all!

    Good luck!

    March 2, 2011 at 10:18 am
  • Reply reluctantmom

    You are so brave to look at this all so rationally and not start falling down the first rabbit hole of Alice in Wonderland insanity …….. when I read the earlier thread about you looking at IVF (considering looking) my breath caught a bit in my throat and I thought, oh sh*t the roller coaster of this and the pain that this brings …. but I love the way you can look at all these options and still appear to be logical and rational ……I wish you a short stay on a very successful adoption list …… and then what ever you decide after that you decide …………

    March 2, 2011 at 10:55 am
  • Reply suestuart

    Glad you have found something that you are ate ease in your mind with. Phew, tough choices!

    March 3, 2011 at 6:52 am
  • Reply MommyInWaiting

    Wow Sharon, it seems to me you guys have really put your thinking caps ona nd managed to make a logical choice which you can both be comfortable with. I wish you all the success possible in the continuation of your family building and hope that your next miracle is just around the corner.

    March 3, 2011 at 9:12 am
  • Reply orbit365

    I love your plan. It’s not mine but it feels right for me too. All the best.

    March 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm
  • Reply tzipieastwest

    Sounds like a great plan Sharon.
    Firm and flexible at the same time. Hope your family expands rather sooner than later.
    The end of you post is so, very true !

    March 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
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