A Subtle Shift In My Thinking

This new path is very different to the path I was previously on. Its hard to explain, but its like there has been a fundamental shift in my thinking since embarking on this journey. Especially  now that we know we’re under consideration by a birth mom. And no, before everyone starts asking again, we haven’t heard anything. I did receive an email from our SW yesterday confirming they’d received the balance of our paperwork and that our profile is perfect and shouldn’t be altered at all. Our SW feels that our profile, as is, brings fourth the warmth that both W and I portray. I thought it was a really nice thing of her to say, I like that we come across that way. She also told us to hang in there, that she knows its tough to be patient, but that the BM still had our profile and we were still under consideration. Even though that isn’t an answer, it has helped to keep my hope alive.

Its odd that since embarking on this journey I’ve allowed my mind to wander into places it hasn’t wandered to in a very long time. I’ve started thinking about my baby shower! I’ve received emails of love and support from so many readers and almost all of them have mentioned baby showers and not once has that made me feel jinxed, as it would have in the past. I’ve received emailed lists from about 3 friends detailing shopping lists of things we have to buy for our baby. I’ve walked into shops and actually stopped to look at the baby products and clothing. Something I never did before as it was just too painful, I can now wander in there and allow my mind to wander……….

I’ve even started thinking about starting to buy some of the things on the baby list. For those of you who don’t know me personally, you have no idea how totally HUGE that is for me! Before I wouldn’t allow myself to buy anything and I wouldn’t allow the people closest to me to buy things for our baby either, even with all the pregnancies, I threatened my friends to within an inch of their lives if they even mentioned buying something for our baby.

But its different now. I’m starting to get comfortable with the whole expectant mum thing. It feels good to be excited and not terrified. Of course, I’m realistic and know that perhaps this time it won’t work out, but I do believe that our quick match bodes well for future matches as well.

Its no longer a question of IF for me, it was ALWAYS a question of IF when I was doing treatment. If I get pregnant. If I carry to term. If I give birth to a live baby. If I’m mother one day. Its different now. Its become a question of when… the possibilities are boundless………

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  • Reply Adi

    It was so good reading this post. I hope with all my heart that your little bundle comes soon and that it will fill your arms and your soul and your lives, without boundaries.

    December 3, 2009 at 10:55 am
  • Reply Sian

    That is great Shaz! I hope that mindset keeps going!

    December 3, 2009 at 11:01 am
  • Reply Joni

    Hey Shaz! I am soo glad you are sounding soo positive & happy!! I just know it’s going to happen soon for you two!!! Jaco started our buying spree by buying the first soft toy! Allow yourself to enjoy the experience & buy at least one thing!! Cause you are pregnant on paper! You’re soo right it’s not a question of IF but WHEN! And I can’t wait for your babyshower!!!!

    December 3, 2009 at 11:01 am
  • Reply Lea White

    What a great post. Know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers!!!

    December 3, 2009 at 11:23 am
  • Reply Mash

    Am I guessing this or would you be coming to CT for your adoption? Not sure where I got that from, part of the jumble of information in my mind. But if you do… I’m sure there are quite a few of us that would love to see you and maybe even meet the little bambino! It would be such fun. So let us know. Love that you are gently, gently venturing into that warmer space.

    December 3, 2009 at 12:18 pm
  • Reply Abs

    It’s great to hear the world is opening up to you with new possibilities and hope Sharon. I’m sure the wait wont be long. You have so many people hoping and praying for you and W. xxx

    December 3, 2009 at 12:33 pm
  • Reply Robyn

    My friend – I am so pleased to hear you talking like this. What a turn around. You even make me feel more positive. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    December 3, 2009 at 12:33 pm
  • Reply Rach

    Great post, such positivity. You’re very lucky to be in the position you’re in – NOT not being able to carry your own baby but having this wonderful option available to you.

    You’re going to make a wonderful mother.

    December 3, 2009 at 12:57 pm
  • Reply Cruella Deville

    Hi there, Shaz,

    I have a couple of questions regarding adoption:

    1. The profile: I did read about the type of questions that you guys had to answer, but what does the rest of the profile have to look like? Did you have to plan it all on your own, or do they give you sub topics to discuss and a separate section for photo`s? (I remember you wrote about some other couple`s profile with all the pic`s of their vacations overseas etc…) I (ignorantly) picture a profile as some kind of a scrap book combined with lots of written info. How far out am I with this guess??

    2. What are the costs, more or less, regarding adoption? And for which specific services does one pay for?

    3. We have been thinking of adoption too. I wonder how complicated it is to adopt a baby from countries like, say, Russia where Caucasian babies are more available than here. I wonder if one would go this route, where would we start. I have the idea that this route could be a bit risky, as one would have to be sure to work through a trustworthy company which will guarantee that everything is done according to the law. Have you perhaps read up on this or do you have any info regarding this? Do you think the SW you worked with will have any info regarding this?

    I`d love to read your answers on these questions.

    And if you have any good advice regarding adoption, please share?

    December 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm
  • Reply HopelesslyTTC

    What an awesome post! I can’t wait for the post when you introduce us to your LO…soon I hope.

    December 3, 2009 at 2:54 pm
  • Reply SCY

    This sounds excellent to me – subtle or not – it’s good!


    December 3, 2009 at 3:07 pm
  • Reply Sunette

    Hi Sharon,

    Reading your post sends me reeling back to all the emotions I experienced just a couple of months ago.

    I thought I’d just tell you a little about how I adopted my little boy. My 3rd IVF failed in May this year and I was devastated and decided that the time had come to accept that I will not be a mother. A couple of days later I was chatting to a friend, telling her that the only way I was going to have a baby was through a private adoption because my husband was adamant that he wanted a white child and all the adoption agencies I’d called told me that there were no white babies available. My friend told me that she knew someone who was going to have an abortion and wanted to know if she should talk to the girl. I met her the day of the scheduled abortion and offered for her to come and live with me until the baby is born because she had no means of supporting herself. She and her 3 year old moved in and while this was by no means an easy situation I was able to experience her pregnancy.

    My little boy was born in September and I cannot be happier – he’s 10 weeks old now and he’s my little wakey wakey monster (sleeps for about two minutes at a time during the day)!

    The only difficulties I’ve faced so far with the adoption process is with the Sexual Offender’s Clearance Certificate, a new thing that all adopting parents need to get. The government made the law but it appears that the infrastructure to issue the certificate is not yet in place and without it the adoption cannot be finalised. I fall under the Roodepoort court and the Magistrate there is particularly difficult. I’m not too concerned though because the birth mom’s 60 days are over and she cannot change her mind. Under normal circumstances the adoption would be finalised by now.

    With regard to UIF. I was there yesterday and they’re not prepared to pay me until the adoption order is finalised. So I wait.

    The social worker I dealt with was wonderful! She made the entire process so easy and has now put me on a waiting list for a 2nd child. Her Dr Marie Kruger and she operates from her home in Constantia Kloof, near Flora Clinic.

    I’m really rooting for you. After everything you’ve gone through there’s nobody who deserves to have a baby more than you do.


    December 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm
  • Reply Stacey

    Hey friend, just getting caught up on your blog after being away for several days. I’m so glad to read these great updates from you! Hoping and praying that each and every step will go smoothly for you and W from here on out. How truly awesome it is to hear about your shift from IF to WHEN. Cheering you on…

    December 3, 2009 at 11:24 pm
  • Reply Invivo

    Motherhood will bring healing, and it’s already beginning. So glad that your heart is beginning to allow you the joys of pondering what for so long has been only a dream. Endulge and enjoy!


    December 4, 2009 at 7:36 am
  • Reply Gen

    This is fabulous !!! I am so happy for you and it is a wonderful place to be in for a change, a wonderful shift.

    Ahhh Shaz I am really rallying for you and praying that this is it !!!!

    December 4, 2009 at 9:54 am
  • Reply Hela

    So refreshing and wonderful to read this! Put a smile in my heart! May your heart smile soon too!

    December 4, 2009 at 12:26 pm
  • Reply Kristi

    I love your attitude it’s not a matter of if now it’s a matter of when.

    December 8, 2009 at 10:07 pm
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